2015

Travis and I have been talking about where we want to be in 5 years.  It started with him realizing that mortgage rates are really low right now, and he's considering refinancing.  We'd recoup the costs in 11 months, at which point we'd save money every month for another 4 years until the fixed rate ended, and then... what?

Will we be in this house?  Will we have another kid?  Will I still be working?  Emily will be in first grade by then (*gasp!!*), and Audrey will probably be in preschool, somewhere.  What kind of career pace will Travis be on?  What kind of market would there be to sell this house?  Would we be interested in building?  If not, how long will it find the perfect house? (I'm not moving unless it's perfect!  what a waste of time that would be!)

So, if anybody knows the answers to those questions, please let me know.  It's frustrating that Mr. Prudent doesn't want to move forward until he can predict the future, but I just am not ready to commit to a specific future just because he sees an opportunity to play in our finances.  I figure there are a lot of other things we can do every month to save money, if he's really interested.

At the park today, Emily and Audrey and I were sitting in the wading pool (depth = 1' 4"), and I saw two kids kind of wrestling in the water.  I didn't think much of it - they were probably both 4 or 5, except the blond kid had the other boy in a headlock, and the expression on his face wasn't right.  Then the blond kid grabbed his head and slammed it against the concrete structure in the middle of the pool.  By then, I was standing up with Audrey, asking, "whose kids are these??" very loudly, but nobody responded. Then the blond kid was hitting the other boy with his fists on his head, and I grabbed his arms, and said, "STOP! I don't care who you are, you don't do that!"  And I held onto him, shouting, "Whose little boy is this???"  Someone came running and took him to the side, and someone else took the dark-haired boy.  Then, the lady next to me told me that the blond kid's mother had just died, and that he's having a hard time because his dad had been so absent during the mother's illness.  I couldn't believe she knew that much about him, but had been oblivious to him assaulting another child 6 feet away.  I asked her if it was out of line for me to have stepped in, then, and she said she thought it was fine.  I wanted to apologize to whoever was watching him, but as I was leaving I saw that he was sitting quietly, talking with an adult, and I figured he was getting more good out of that than he would from an apology from some stranger.

As I was walking back to the car with my girls, I realized that what I had said, "Whose little boy is this?" really meant more than I thought.  I honestly cried most of the way to the car, thinking about it.  His mom is gone.  He's HER little boy, and he would probably be just fine if she were here.  I thought of her watching over him, seeing me stop him, hoping I would understand, maybe?  He was obviously angry, not just annoyed with another kid and giving him a shove.  He was taking something out on someone... it made me so sad, looking back at it.  I guess I'm glad I protected the other kid, and I'm very glad to know a little more about his story so as to curb my judgement.  But, man. I know of a few other kids who are growing up without mothers for equally tragic reasons, and I can't even fully feel the enormity of it, or I'd be crushed by it.

So, as long as I'm around in 2015, enjoying my kids and my husband, I'll take that as enough.