So, it's been way too long since I've posted. So much has happened in 3 months! Our trip was amazing, and a month later Travis went to Singapore and came back the weekend after Emily finished Kindergarten. She got a bloody nose on the busride home one day because a boy punched her in the nose after she fought back when he tried to kiss her (SO proud of my girl!). Audrey finished preschool and seems to be growing into a mature young lady before my very eyes. But most of the changes have been with my little Clara, who is definitively no longer a baby.
Clara had her 2nd birthday party on her birthday, and we celebrated in our typical fashion - family (including Amanda and Brandon). It was a lovely day and we had a great time. I made her a rainbow cake and used enough food coloring that we were probably all farting rainbows the next day. A week later, Travis took Emily and Audrey with him to Barnum for the weekend to go to a wedding, and I stayed home with Clara and we dove in to potty training!! She did a fabulous job, with no accidents the first day and only 2 the next. She even did a super job the following weekend when she was at Sullivan grandparents' without me and Trav, and in the entire two weeks she's gotten every single poop in the potty, with only a few accidents here and there that seem like understandable learning events. Like yesterday, she was helping me wash potatoes under running water -- who can blame her, really?? For the most part, she runs herself to the potty, but if I prompt her in the right way she's agreeable to trying to go, and sometimes she goes and sometimes she doesn't and it's totally non-stressful. *phew!* I am SO PROUD OF THAT GIRL!!! I'm proud of me too, because I did a ton of reading and planning in the days (& months!) leading up to pulling the trigger on it, and I really worked hard that first weekend to set her up for success. But most of it is Clara, cuz she's just that awesome! We are done washing diapers, because she wears a disposable at night, but it's tricky, because she's keeping those dry, too. I made the call to switch because I didn't want to wash one load per week that only had a few in it (wasteful and totally nasty), but now I'm just throwing away dry diapers each morning, which leads me to the next development, in that Clara seems to think she doesn't need a nap anymore!! She is napping right now as I write this, but it took me 45 minutes to convince her and I was unsuccessful the previous 3 days. I guess I'll aim for a couple of naps per week, but she is the first one awake at 6:30 every day and I would assume if she needed more sleep she'd get it at night... who knows. Just this afternoon, we changed the rail on her crib so it's a toddler bed, and she can climb out. I hope she stays in it!! :)
Clara is a real singer, now, too! She was singing the first 5 notes of "Maybe" from Annie, which is an arpeggio plus one - quite a range for a little girl and totally spot on pitch the whole way! She loves Edelweiss, and several other of the lullabies that I sing to her. She of course sings the Frozen songs with the girls, too, and likes to sit at the piano and "play along" with her singing. She is talking more and more, too, and she is a funny little thing! She woke up Saturday in Barnum and went in to announce to Grandpa that "Mom. Gone." I asked her one day if she was ready to go out the door with me, and she was working on a puzzle in the living room, and she answered, "Nope." Are you a baby, Clara? "No. Girl." She does say sentences but she prefers single words and her delivery is such that you can hear the definitive punctuation at the end! The one that makes me giggle the most is when I explain something to her, and she'll respond in the most pathetically agreeable voice, "o-kay Mom-my."
Clara gave up her paci shortly after we got back from Thailand because the weather was getting warm, and she didn't want to wear her sleepsack. I told her if she didn't wear the bag she didn't get to have the pacifier that was attached to it either, and she was fine with that. So that was that! We even flipped her carseat around, so she is forward-facing now. She's decided she no longer needs bibs or sippy cups at the dinner table. Aside from her blunt vocabulary and using a booster seat at the table, there is really nothing babyish about her anymore. It makes me pretty sad, but I still get plenty of snuggles out of her, and tender little ear-touches. Gotta hold on while I can!
Our family is in full summer-swing. We've done two weeks of swimming lessons for the older two, and discovered that after 5PM we can go to the pool down the block for only $4 - cheaper than a season pool-pass, for sure!! We had friends from Minnesota visit this weekend; last weekend Travis and I biked and camped, and next weekend Emily and I go to Mom-n-Me at Camp Tanglefoot, and I am beyond excited!!! It's so good to have windows open and the girls outside biking and playing in the sprinkler. Emily is happy to be able to spend days with Amanda, who takes them to the zoo and to trails to ride their bikes (Audrey is a pedal-biker, no training wheels!), and parks and all kinds of fun things. We have a challenge to read 1300 minutes this summer so Emily can get an outdoor day at the start of next schoolyear, and we're right on track. We've got fun things planned every weekend until August. I love summer!!
I really should write down everything about our Thailand trip before it's too far gone from my memory. It seems like so long ago that it was cold in Iowa and lovely on the Thai beaches. It was an incredible trip, but this summer is making me feel like I'm on extended vacation. Too bad the solstice was this weekend and the days will start getting shorter. I could get used to things this way!
Sunday, June 22, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
Pre-trip jitters
Travis and I are going on vacation!
We are going to Thailand for a week! We are leaving the kids with grandparents (who are sharing the week) and going there for a traditional Indian wedding, along with Travis's brother and his wife. The wedding is friends who are closer to Mark and Lea than me and Travis, so I feel a bit like a tagalong, but I would say that Travis and Pranav have shared enough good times over the years that we're welcome. We are spending 2 days in Bangkok and 4 days at a resort where the wedding is, and the remaining 2 days are travel. It's crazy how long the flights are, and that it takes 24 hours to get there. But Travis will be doing essentially the same trip a month later when he goes to Singapore for work, so I guess that's just how it's done!
And wow, am I nervous. Travis says he is 0% nervous, which is good because he'll need to be in reassurance mode for the whole trip out there. I have basically 4 days left to get everything ready here at the house, and while I've made some good progress, there's a lot left to do that I can't really do ahead of time. But updating the blog was one of those things that I really wanted to get done, so here it goes! This time, Clara first!
Clara's words have blossomed over the past two months, and now we can really talk to her. I know that it won't be long before I'm tired of this, but right now I absolutely love to hear her little "no." It's so quick and small, with a big of "neo" to it. Very, very cute! She's got a lot of other words that sound alike, and you have to go off context to figure it out: "Odder" is both "water" and "Audrey," although she's getting the Y better for her sister now. "Besh" is both "berries" and "paci". "hock" is both "sock" and "hug". It's adorable to see her go through her baby book, pointing at pictures of her sisters and baby (Emily is "Emeee", and getting clearer all the time). She has a hard time with her own name, which is just unfortunate cuz R's and L's are hard to say and she's got both! so she's Cae-uh. Amanda thinks she said her name today, which was very exciting. The girl is so full of love. She kissed me on each cheek tonight, then nuzzled noses, and smooched me on the lips, just because she felt like it. She snuggles in the morning and after naps - so cozy!! And when I'm laying her down at bedtime, she sings along with the lullabies with much gusto, and she sounds SO good! She's got pitch! Yeah!! She's gotten REALLY good at puzzles over the past few weeks. The 9-piece wooden puzzles are a snap for her - he likes to hover the pieces over places they don't belong, and shake her head saying "noooo...." Got a good video of that! So fun to see her sense of humor coming out. She can now independently put together a 12-piece jigsaw puzzle that she's been working on for a few weeks, which is amazing. And she was learning to ride the little red and yellow balance bike tonight! She looked so grown up out on the sidewalk with her helmet on!! Ready to go off with the big kids! She knows now that she is not "baby," she is a "guhl."
Audrey is her amazing little self. She continues to read books like crazy and sing and wear ridiculous outfits and pretend to put on makeup using just about anything she can think of. I caught her using a piece of pipe cleaner on her eyelashes the other day, pretending it was a mascara brush (it really did look like one, in her defense, very clever). The biggest thing for her lately is her obsession with Tinkerbell. She wants to be her when she grows up. She howls in excitement whenever she sees something that is Tinkerbell Green. She flips when she talks about she has blue eyes and Tinkerbell has blue eyes. And the hem of her dress is jagged the way Tinkerbell's is. and on and on and on. It is an obsession if I've ever seen one. She is my outdoor rugged girl, though. She's ready to go out and kick a ball and swing on the swings, singing about what a wonderful day it is (thank god it's spring finally!!!!!!) She's probably ready for a pedal bike, so that'll be something fun to do this summer. She likes to snuggle with me on the couch and "play Spanish," which is something I'm doing using an app on my phone. I'd swear she's picking it up faster than I am, but true to her learning form, she won't let on that she knows. She just looks at me with those amazing blue eyes and smiles, but won't say. I hope her teachers understand that about her, because they may think she actually doesn't know. She does. Oh my gosh she does. I am saving the most hilarious project that she brought home from preschool. Her teacher asked her to draw a dinosaur, and she wrote her name in the middle of the page, alternating the colors of her letters in tinkerbell green, pink, purple, repeated. Then she didn't have room for a dinosaur, so she drew its tail coming in from the edge of the page, and told her teacher that the rest of the dinosaur is hiding. I hope future teachers don't think she's being a smartass when she does stuff like that, because it's insanely clever. And really, really funny!!! Hard to stay a step ahead of this girl!!
And Emily, who is running the show. Travis and I have talked about how confident we are in how she will help her grandparents find everything they need while they are here with the girls. She pays attention to everything and can be totally trusted with things. If this were 150 years ago, I'd totally leave the farm in her care. :) Which is why it's been so frustrating that she's had surprise poops lately, so out of character for someone like her. But I think we've finally gotten to the bottom of it (no pun intended!). She's such an intense person that she doesn't just hang out and relax long enough for things to move along naturally, so we created a daily schedule for her, and she's enthusiastically sticking with it, since we rolled it out as a total positive, "we're helping you be successful" kind of thing. She's been totally fine and confident with it ever since. Phew! She's been bringing home take-home reader books from school, and the first 5 or 6 were the kind of thing she had to work on. But the past few, she just flies through. She reads smoothly, she's not guessing so much, so the confidence just builds. I think she's starting to enjoy it now, and I KNOW she's enjoying writing. Her handwriting is so cute, and very legible and deliberate. She's a silly little girl, but very determined in her efforts. You've just gotta take her seriously, even if she's a lunatic 6YO!
I've been reading more and more about parenting philosophies, and I'm trying to back off and enjoy my kids from periphery a bit more. I don't need to be solving their problems - they can work out differences between each other (not Clara yet, of course). I don't need to be directing their play outside or downstairs in the basement, and if Emily wanders upstairs to do some writing or playing with her things in her desk, she should be able to do just that. I have supervised so much of their childhood that I want them to start getting a feel for safe independence around our house. It's crazy to think how grown up they are, that I'm now thinking about that instead of obsessing over nap schedules and what baby foods they will or won't eat. Emily is so very attached to me, that it's hardest for her - Clara actually will wander down to the basement and turn on the music without me even noticing!! - so it's nice to see her independence from school show up in some things at home too. I've decided that if there's a day that comes when my kids hate school, that their needs aren't being met, I'll be ready to pull them out and homeschool. They learn so much at home already that it'd be fun to give them the opportunity to put all that wasted downtime at school into something they're really interested in. And there's enough going on in Des Moines that I think it would be totally doable. If they're happy in school, great! When it sucks, well, life is too short to ask them to stick it out.
I am so bummed to miss Emily's school program next Monday. She has her cow costume all ready, and she's been practicing singing her songs around the house so much that I feel like I kind of know what I'm missing. But it really almost made me say we couldn't do the trip, seeing that I would miss it. It's silly, but it's a big deal, too, you know? She'll have her sisters and grandparents in the audience, so it'll be fine. But... But... *sigh*
I love my girls so much. It's fun to write about the details of who they are in this moment. I'm already looking forward to my first hugs with them after we get back from the trip!! I think I'll go take a peek at their beautiful sleeping faces right now. :)
We are going to Thailand for a week! We are leaving the kids with grandparents (who are sharing the week) and going there for a traditional Indian wedding, along with Travis's brother and his wife. The wedding is friends who are closer to Mark and Lea than me and Travis, so I feel a bit like a tagalong, but I would say that Travis and Pranav have shared enough good times over the years that we're welcome. We are spending 2 days in Bangkok and 4 days at a resort where the wedding is, and the remaining 2 days are travel. It's crazy how long the flights are, and that it takes 24 hours to get there. But Travis will be doing essentially the same trip a month later when he goes to Singapore for work, so I guess that's just how it's done!
And wow, am I nervous. Travis says he is 0% nervous, which is good because he'll need to be in reassurance mode for the whole trip out there. I have basically 4 days left to get everything ready here at the house, and while I've made some good progress, there's a lot left to do that I can't really do ahead of time. But updating the blog was one of those things that I really wanted to get done, so here it goes! This time, Clara first!
Clara's words have blossomed over the past two months, and now we can really talk to her. I know that it won't be long before I'm tired of this, but right now I absolutely love to hear her little "no." It's so quick and small, with a big of "neo" to it. Very, very cute! She's got a lot of other words that sound alike, and you have to go off context to figure it out: "Odder" is both "water" and "Audrey," although she's getting the Y better for her sister now. "Besh" is both "berries" and "paci". "hock" is both "sock" and "hug". It's adorable to see her go through her baby book, pointing at pictures of her sisters and baby (Emily is "Emeee", and getting clearer all the time). She has a hard time with her own name, which is just unfortunate cuz R's and L's are hard to say and she's got both! so she's Cae-uh. Amanda thinks she said her name today, which was very exciting. The girl is so full of love. She kissed me on each cheek tonight, then nuzzled noses, and smooched me on the lips, just because she felt like it. She snuggles in the morning and after naps - so cozy!! And when I'm laying her down at bedtime, she sings along with the lullabies with much gusto, and she sounds SO good! She's got pitch! Yeah!! She's gotten REALLY good at puzzles over the past few weeks. The 9-piece wooden puzzles are a snap for her - he likes to hover the pieces over places they don't belong, and shake her head saying "noooo...." Got a good video of that! So fun to see her sense of humor coming out. She can now independently put together a 12-piece jigsaw puzzle that she's been working on for a few weeks, which is amazing. And she was learning to ride the little red and yellow balance bike tonight! She looked so grown up out on the sidewalk with her helmet on!! Ready to go off with the big kids! She knows now that she is not "baby," she is a "guhl."
Audrey is her amazing little self. She continues to read books like crazy and sing and wear ridiculous outfits and pretend to put on makeup using just about anything she can think of. I caught her using a piece of pipe cleaner on her eyelashes the other day, pretending it was a mascara brush (it really did look like one, in her defense, very clever). The biggest thing for her lately is her obsession with Tinkerbell. She wants to be her when she grows up. She howls in excitement whenever she sees something that is Tinkerbell Green. She flips when she talks about she has blue eyes and Tinkerbell has blue eyes. And the hem of her dress is jagged the way Tinkerbell's is. and on and on and on. It is an obsession if I've ever seen one. She is my outdoor rugged girl, though. She's ready to go out and kick a ball and swing on the swings, singing about what a wonderful day it is (thank god it's spring finally!!!!!!) She's probably ready for a pedal bike, so that'll be something fun to do this summer. She likes to snuggle with me on the couch and "play Spanish," which is something I'm doing using an app on my phone. I'd swear she's picking it up faster than I am, but true to her learning form, she won't let on that she knows. She just looks at me with those amazing blue eyes and smiles, but won't say. I hope her teachers understand that about her, because they may think she actually doesn't know. She does. Oh my gosh she does. I am saving the most hilarious project that she brought home from preschool. Her teacher asked her to draw a dinosaur, and she wrote her name in the middle of the page, alternating the colors of her letters in tinkerbell green, pink, purple, repeated. Then she didn't have room for a dinosaur, so she drew its tail coming in from the edge of the page, and told her teacher that the rest of the dinosaur is hiding. I hope future teachers don't think she's being a smartass when she does stuff like that, because it's insanely clever. And really, really funny!!! Hard to stay a step ahead of this girl!!
And Emily, who is running the show. Travis and I have talked about how confident we are in how she will help her grandparents find everything they need while they are here with the girls. She pays attention to everything and can be totally trusted with things. If this were 150 years ago, I'd totally leave the farm in her care. :) Which is why it's been so frustrating that she's had surprise poops lately, so out of character for someone like her. But I think we've finally gotten to the bottom of it (no pun intended!). She's such an intense person that she doesn't just hang out and relax long enough for things to move along naturally, so we created a daily schedule for her, and she's enthusiastically sticking with it, since we rolled it out as a total positive, "we're helping you be successful" kind of thing. She's been totally fine and confident with it ever since. Phew! She's been bringing home take-home reader books from school, and the first 5 or 6 were the kind of thing she had to work on. But the past few, she just flies through. She reads smoothly, she's not guessing so much, so the confidence just builds. I think she's starting to enjoy it now, and I KNOW she's enjoying writing. Her handwriting is so cute, and very legible and deliberate. She's a silly little girl, but very determined in her efforts. You've just gotta take her seriously, even if she's a lunatic 6YO!
I've been reading more and more about parenting philosophies, and I'm trying to back off and enjoy my kids from periphery a bit more. I don't need to be solving their problems - they can work out differences between each other (not Clara yet, of course). I don't need to be directing their play outside or downstairs in the basement, and if Emily wanders upstairs to do some writing or playing with her things in her desk, she should be able to do just that. I have supervised so much of their childhood that I want them to start getting a feel for safe independence around our house. It's crazy to think how grown up they are, that I'm now thinking about that instead of obsessing over nap schedules and what baby foods they will or won't eat. Emily is so very attached to me, that it's hardest for her - Clara actually will wander down to the basement and turn on the music without me even noticing!! - so it's nice to see her independence from school show up in some things at home too. I've decided that if there's a day that comes when my kids hate school, that their needs aren't being met, I'll be ready to pull them out and homeschool. They learn so much at home already that it'd be fun to give them the opportunity to put all that wasted downtime at school into something they're really interested in. And there's enough going on in Des Moines that I think it would be totally doable. If they're happy in school, great! When it sucks, well, life is too short to ask them to stick it out.
I am so bummed to miss Emily's school program next Monday. She has her cow costume all ready, and she's been practicing singing her songs around the house so much that I feel like I kind of know what I'm missing. But it really almost made me say we couldn't do the trip, seeing that I would miss it. It's silly, but it's a big deal, too, you know? She'll have her sisters and grandparents in the audience, so it'll be fine. But... But... *sigh*
I love my girls so much. It's fun to write about the details of who they are in this moment. I'm already looking forward to my first hugs with them after we get back from the trip!! I think I'll go take a peek at their beautiful sleeping faces right now. :)
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Poppo
It's been several months since Poppo died, and I think it is a good time for me to write down everything I can about my memories with him. I don't want to miss anything, but I the emotions have settled a bit and I can focus on the joy of things instead of just how much I miss him. Emily took a lot of pictures of him at Clara's 1st birthday last spring, and it's a nice way for her to have a personal connection with him. For me, it's a reminder that he LIVED EVERY DAY, right up until he stopped living. His books in his house had bookmarks in them and notes in the margins - he was constantly learning. He was computer savvy, emailing often, he carried a cellphone in his pocket and even had just joined facebook! As fast as the world changed, he kept up and stayed in contact. Mommo sent out her Christmas card this year with the picture of the two of them, taken mid-summer, because they had already decided that was the picture they would use. It's absolutely adorable, the joy and love apparent on their faces. Mommo's grin is the same one you see on a young girl who just got engaged. I like to keep that in my head as the freeze frame while the final credits go past.
When I was really little, I loved to climb on Poppo's lap and he would tickle us. He always kissed us on the cheek, slurpy and noisy, 6 or 8 times, over the top affection. When I found out he was a doctor (he held a ph d in psychology) I was afraid to cough around him, thinking he was a medical doctor and I didn't want him to think I was sick!! So for a while I'm sure I was acting weird around him but he never pushed me, always just let me be the kid that I wanted to be. (Which was a very weird one. who's surprised?! :) )
When I was in grade school, I spent two weeks each summer going to a program called Super Summer, which a program offered to high-ability students for things like creative writing, photography, acting, etc.. I stayed with Mommo and Poppo for those two weeks, and he drove me out there to class at Ames High School each day (Mommo packed my lunch, I remember!). I vividly remember those commutes, because I would play with the electric windows in their new car (an '89 Buick!). It was so fun because those controls had a nice click to them, and any car I'd been in before had manual window cranks and a mother telling me not to mess around with them. But Poppo didn't care, and his window was always down anyway so he could spit out tremendous loogies out as he drove. It's actually not easy to do without getting spit all down the side of the car, but he was a pro and my cousin and I laughed and laughed every time he did it. He was a pretty aggressive driver back then, too, so that trip was always really fun. That Buick is the same one I would borrow to drive back home when I was in college, until I got my own car. He would pick me up in that car when I lived in Helser, and I would throw my laundry in the backseat and chat to him about how school was going, and what fun I had been up to. Mommo would have Sunday dinner for me, while I did laundry and studied, and then Poppo would take me back to the dorms with my basket of clean clothes.
I lived in their basement for two summers, after my freshman and sophomore years at ISU, just like my siblings each did for at least one summer. I loved that bedroom in the basement, full of books. It made it feel like a library, with those unique acoustics! I never read any of the them, though, because the titles were all so intimidating and academic. But there is also a banner hanging on a wall, with a picture of Snoopy on top of his doghouse, and the quote, "This has been a good day." At that time in my life, I was really growing into myself and of course there was lots of drama and all the self-introspection that goes along with it. Reading that banner always made me feel more at ease, like I could get my head above all the day-to-day stresses and realize there's nothing "real" that was wrong. Travis lived with Mommo and Poppo for a few weeks, in 2005 when he had started grad school at ISU but I hadn't moved from Minneapolis yet. I was so jealous, but also very glad that he had a chance to share an experience that was so special to me growing up. I feel like he got to know my grandparents as people, not just the old people who were always at my family gatherings.
Poppo's garden was amazing. He had vegetables and flowers and raspberries, and cherry tree, and redbud trees that volunteered all over the place - I have two of them in my backyard that are transplanted "weeds." I loved picking raspberries - black, red, and yellow! Mmm!!! and eating raspberry shortcake on the porch. He would offer me kohlrabi and radishes and green beans, but I usually stuck with raspberries and cookies to take back to my dorm room with me. And his flowers, indoors and out, were beautiful. Any time there were blooming things, they would have vases and potted plants out that they were actively admiring. "Have you ever seen such a lovely boogumwhatzihoozit?" No, really, I have not. They were all outrageously colorful and big and beautiful, and I have no idea what they were. Poppo was always offering potted plants to me, but I just couldn't take them because I knew I would kill them, and if I left them in his care they would flourish and be truly appreciated. I nearly killed a Norfolk Island Pine by leaving it in my dorm room over Christmas break (and probably not watering it for most of the previous fall semester), but he resurrected it, amazingly.
We opened our Christmas presents at their house nearly every year, with my aunt's family. So, 5 grandchildren opened presents together, and after we were done, the adults would exchange. Mommo was always so busy looking at other presents that she wouldn't open her own, and Poppo would gently remind her, and hand them to her. That was his role for Mommo, was taking care of the details so she could enjoy the moment. He did it after meals, when he cleared the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen while Mommo sat and enjoyed her guests, or her dessert (or both!!). He knew she put a lot of effort into cooking delicious homemade meals and desserts from scratch, so afterwards he jumped into action. Mommo says he could have sat and enjoyed the company too, but he was too antsy to let the mess sit there. I can still hear him telling me "Save your fork, hon" because there's a plate of something delicious headed my way for dessert.
One of the things that my daughters remember about Poppo is something that I told them that I remember from being a kid. When he would burp, he would say the word as he did it - BUUURP. Writing that story doesn't do justice to the memory like saying it out loud does! The girls laugh about it and think about him whenever somebody burps outrageously. I have no idea if he would approve of that legacy but it's sticking with them!
When Emily was very small, Poppo would come to stay with us overnight a few times each spring, because he was serving on a committee that would meet for several days in a row in Des Moines. He felt he was too old to make that long of a drive daily in winter weather (he was nearly 90 at that time), so he would stay at our house for the night in between. On one visit, Emily asked him to read The Little Engine That Could to her, and it's a tremendously long book and it was hard for him to read in the dim light of our living room, but he did. And afterwards, he said that he remembered his mother reading that exact same book to his younger brother. So, one book ties together 4 generations. I will make sure Emily knows that story when she reads it to her children someday.
Poppo wore a lot of cologne - more and more as he got older. I was always sure to give hugs when I left their house, and for the rest of the day, I could smell his cologne on my clothes and in my hair. The last day I saw him, I hugged him goodbye very briefly because I had planned to be back at their house later in the afternoon. Plans changed, though, and we didn't make it back there that day, and three days later he was gone. That brief hug, with him in a chair, is all I have. No multi-smooches, just a quick squeeze and out the door with my chaotic family. He had really been getting frail over the past few months, and when we arrived that morning, he was on his way out to go to the store to get bread, because Bette wanted bread for sandwiches for lunch. I was wracked with guilt because we weren't staying for lunch and I didn't want her to have to cook for us, but here Mommo was sending him to the store while we were there, and I wanted him to sit and visit and be with the kids. But I didn't offer to do the store run for him because I knew that he liked feeling useful - if you take away a person's usefulness, what do they have left? So by the time he got back, he really only spent about half an hour with my kids before we had to leave. He commented that Clara was really walking well - she had been for several months, so I again felt guilty as he mentioned it that I hadn't been bringing my kids by their place often enough for him to notice. And yet, my family is such a zoo, I didn't want to bring such stressors into their house... anyway, three days later, Dan and I drove to Ames to be with him in the hospital as his body shut down and our family gathered to say goodbye. I held his hand and told him I would miss smelling his cologne in my hair as a reminder that I had seen him that day. I told him I would miss him calling me sweeting and kissing my cheek when he greeted me, and watching him wave goodbye to me as I drove away from their house. I may get teary-eyed the rest of my life when I recall the end of his funeral service, as everyone in the congregation stood and waved to him, as had had done for possibly every single person there as they parted. My cousin sang and I played a duet during the service, which I held it together for, but I flat-out sobbed when following his casket out the back of the church. The same church that Travis and I got married in, that my parents got married in, and that Audrey was baptized in, with Mommo and Poppo as her sponsors. I can't imagine that that memory will ever grow so faded that I don't tear up when it comes to mind.
Poppo is buried at the ISU cemetery. He was on the committee that organized a lot of renovations at the cemetery, and planned the memorial day service there for many years (I played taps for it during the two summers I lived with them). It is a very small place, with headstones that match the names of the most important buildings on campus - Beardshear, Curtiss, Marston, and so on. It is reserved for faculty, but does not allow advance reservations, and once it is full, it's full. And it may be full now, because there was only one open plot left after Poppo's was purchased. That is one of many reasons that it seems like he knew that it was time to go, and since it was time, it was time - no drawn-out fuss, just say goodbye. I haven't been there to visit since the funeral... in my mind, it seems complete as it was and I don't want to add to those memories yet. It was absolutely a beautiful September day. Everyone there was focused on celebrating what an amazing person he was and what a life he had. After the church service, I had told Emily to stay with her Sullivan grandparents while I was a pallbearer with my cousins and siblings, but she straggled loose and found herself in between the casket and the followers, of which Mommo was of course at the front. Emily walked quietly and somberly behind, and Mommo saw her and was incredibly touched at the sight of the "Littlest Pallbearer." I know the real reason is less dramatic, that she just wandered into someplace she wasn't supposed to be, but it meant a lot to Mommo. And I like thinking that Poppo had spent his professional life dedicated to the well-being of children and education of hose who care for them, so it was very fitting to have a single child follow him out of the church where he had held years of parenting classes. It was like she was representing all those children whose lives he had bettered.
After the burial, there was lunch in the basement, where I remembered he and Mommo so loved to go to Wednesday night soup suppers and Sunday Spud Lunches. They always invited me to go, and paid heftily into the donation basket to cover my costs too. I got to tell that story, and a few others, as everybody had a chance at the open mike to tell stories about him. My favorite was the last one, told by my aunt Janie, about how he and Mommo had gone to visit his boyhood home in Burlington or Ft. Madison, I forget which. He had been so impressed that the current family had let him into their home so he could see the inside and reminisce. Mommo said she wasn't that surprised, and that if someone had come to her door and said he'd grown up there, she would certainly let him inside to look around! Poppo replied to her, "Like hell you would, Bette! We built this place!" And my mind is left ringing with the laugh of him and Mommo together, along with his gentle patient voice, reassuring and calming. On the phone, I would always try to be specific as to when we would arrive for a visit, or with whatever details I was conveying, and he would always reply, "Fine, fine. We'll be here. Okay, bye bye!" And Travis and I laugh together over remembering him saying, "Well goodness sake!!" wondering if that was ever less G-rated when he was in the Marines. :) I would imagine it was just the same. I am sure there was probably a side of him that I never knew, since 2/3 of his life had passed before I even existed, but he was always a constant for me. And how lucky I am that such a portion of our lives overlapped. And that he got to be a part of my children's lives - not just meet them, but know them and be amazed by them, and they'll remember him too. What I wouldn't give for one more cologne-heavy hug!
...and I have to stop now. My kids are wondering why I'm crying! I will add to this as I come up with other memories that pop up. Like the rotten potato story that preceded him joining the Marines, and how he cruised around the South Pacific islands when stationed on Peleliu. And the joy of seeing him personally greet everyone who came to his 90th birthday party. And his smug smile after making a particularly good joke, or talking about something he liked especially. And his favorite candy: malted milk balls from the candy shop in Wilton. He loved Scheherezade and Rachmaninoff's piano concerto (excellent choices, IMHO). And how he would fall asleep, head drooping or leaned back with mouth agape, at nearly every gathering. And his fur hat that he wore in the winter and the cap he wore in the summer. And him holding Mommo's hand, holding the door for her, helping her down stairs, into their car, getting her coat on. And how he offered to take my dinner plate back to my table for me at my wedding. And on and on...
When I was really little, I loved to climb on Poppo's lap and he would tickle us. He always kissed us on the cheek, slurpy and noisy, 6 or 8 times, over the top affection. When I found out he was a doctor (he held a ph d in psychology) I was afraid to cough around him, thinking he was a medical doctor and I didn't want him to think I was sick!! So for a while I'm sure I was acting weird around him but he never pushed me, always just let me be the kid that I wanted to be. (Which was a very weird one. who's surprised?! :) )
When I was in grade school, I spent two weeks each summer going to a program called Super Summer, which a program offered to high-ability students for things like creative writing, photography, acting, etc.. I stayed with Mommo and Poppo for those two weeks, and he drove me out there to class at Ames High School each day (Mommo packed my lunch, I remember!). I vividly remember those commutes, because I would play with the electric windows in their new car (an '89 Buick!). It was so fun because those controls had a nice click to them, and any car I'd been in before had manual window cranks and a mother telling me not to mess around with them. But Poppo didn't care, and his window was always down anyway so he could spit out tremendous loogies out as he drove. It's actually not easy to do without getting spit all down the side of the car, but he was a pro and my cousin and I laughed and laughed every time he did it. He was a pretty aggressive driver back then, too, so that trip was always really fun. That Buick is the same one I would borrow to drive back home when I was in college, until I got my own car. He would pick me up in that car when I lived in Helser, and I would throw my laundry in the backseat and chat to him about how school was going, and what fun I had been up to. Mommo would have Sunday dinner for me, while I did laundry and studied, and then Poppo would take me back to the dorms with my basket of clean clothes.
I lived in their basement for two summers, after my freshman and sophomore years at ISU, just like my siblings each did for at least one summer. I loved that bedroom in the basement, full of books. It made it feel like a library, with those unique acoustics! I never read any of the them, though, because the titles were all so intimidating and academic. But there is also a banner hanging on a wall, with a picture of Snoopy on top of his doghouse, and the quote, "This has been a good day." At that time in my life, I was really growing into myself and of course there was lots of drama and all the self-introspection that goes along with it. Reading that banner always made me feel more at ease, like I could get my head above all the day-to-day stresses and realize there's nothing "real" that was wrong. Travis lived with Mommo and Poppo for a few weeks, in 2005 when he had started grad school at ISU but I hadn't moved from Minneapolis yet. I was so jealous, but also very glad that he had a chance to share an experience that was so special to me growing up. I feel like he got to know my grandparents as people, not just the old people who were always at my family gatherings.
Poppo's garden was amazing. He had vegetables and flowers and raspberries, and cherry tree, and redbud trees that volunteered all over the place - I have two of them in my backyard that are transplanted "weeds." I loved picking raspberries - black, red, and yellow! Mmm!!! and eating raspberry shortcake on the porch. He would offer me kohlrabi and radishes and green beans, but I usually stuck with raspberries and cookies to take back to my dorm room with me. And his flowers, indoors and out, were beautiful. Any time there were blooming things, they would have vases and potted plants out that they were actively admiring. "Have you ever seen such a lovely boogumwhatzihoozit?" No, really, I have not. They were all outrageously colorful and big and beautiful, and I have no idea what they were. Poppo was always offering potted plants to me, but I just couldn't take them because I knew I would kill them, and if I left them in his care they would flourish and be truly appreciated. I nearly killed a Norfolk Island Pine by leaving it in my dorm room over Christmas break (and probably not watering it for most of the previous fall semester), but he resurrected it, amazingly.
We opened our Christmas presents at their house nearly every year, with my aunt's family. So, 5 grandchildren opened presents together, and after we were done, the adults would exchange. Mommo was always so busy looking at other presents that she wouldn't open her own, and Poppo would gently remind her, and hand them to her. That was his role for Mommo, was taking care of the details so she could enjoy the moment. He did it after meals, when he cleared the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen while Mommo sat and enjoyed her guests, or her dessert (or both!!). He knew she put a lot of effort into cooking delicious homemade meals and desserts from scratch, so afterwards he jumped into action. Mommo says he could have sat and enjoyed the company too, but he was too antsy to let the mess sit there. I can still hear him telling me "Save your fork, hon" because there's a plate of something delicious headed my way for dessert.
One of the things that my daughters remember about Poppo is something that I told them that I remember from being a kid. When he would burp, he would say the word as he did it - BUUURP. Writing that story doesn't do justice to the memory like saying it out loud does! The girls laugh about it and think about him whenever somebody burps outrageously. I have no idea if he would approve of that legacy but it's sticking with them!
When Emily was very small, Poppo would come to stay with us overnight a few times each spring, because he was serving on a committee that would meet for several days in a row in Des Moines. He felt he was too old to make that long of a drive daily in winter weather (he was nearly 90 at that time), so he would stay at our house for the night in between. On one visit, Emily asked him to read The Little Engine That Could to her, and it's a tremendously long book and it was hard for him to read in the dim light of our living room, but he did. And afterwards, he said that he remembered his mother reading that exact same book to his younger brother. So, one book ties together 4 generations. I will make sure Emily knows that story when she reads it to her children someday.
Poppo wore a lot of cologne - more and more as he got older. I was always sure to give hugs when I left their house, and for the rest of the day, I could smell his cologne on my clothes and in my hair. The last day I saw him, I hugged him goodbye very briefly because I had planned to be back at their house later in the afternoon. Plans changed, though, and we didn't make it back there that day, and three days later he was gone. That brief hug, with him in a chair, is all I have. No multi-smooches, just a quick squeeze and out the door with my chaotic family. He had really been getting frail over the past few months, and when we arrived that morning, he was on his way out to go to the store to get bread, because Bette wanted bread for sandwiches for lunch. I was wracked with guilt because we weren't staying for lunch and I didn't want her to have to cook for us, but here Mommo was sending him to the store while we were there, and I wanted him to sit and visit and be with the kids. But I didn't offer to do the store run for him because I knew that he liked feeling useful - if you take away a person's usefulness, what do they have left? So by the time he got back, he really only spent about half an hour with my kids before we had to leave. He commented that Clara was really walking well - she had been for several months, so I again felt guilty as he mentioned it that I hadn't been bringing my kids by their place often enough for him to notice. And yet, my family is such a zoo, I didn't want to bring such stressors into their house... anyway, three days later, Dan and I drove to Ames to be with him in the hospital as his body shut down and our family gathered to say goodbye. I held his hand and told him I would miss smelling his cologne in my hair as a reminder that I had seen him that day. I told him I would miss him calling me sweeting and kissing my cheek when he greeted me, and watching him wave goodbye to me as I drove away from their house. I may get teary-eyed the rest of my life when I recall the end of his funeral service, as everyone in the congregation stood and waved to him, as had had done for possibly every single person there as they parted. My cousin sang and I played a duet during the service, which I held it together for, but I flat-out sobbed when following his casket out the back of the church. The same church that Travis and I got married in, that my parents got married in, and that Audrey was baptized in, with Mommo and Poppo as her sponsors. I can't imagine that that memory will ever grow so faded that I don't tear up when it comes to mind.
Poppo is buried at the ISU cemetery. He was on the committee that organized a lot of renovations at the cemetery, and planned the memorial day service there for many years (I played taps for it during the two summers I lived with them). It is a very small place, with headstones that match the names of the most important buildings on campus - Beardshear, Curtiss, Marston, and so on. It is reserved for faculty, but does not allow advance reservations, and once it is full, it's full. And it may be full now, because there was only one open plot left after Poppo's was purchased. That is one of many reasons that it seems like he knew that it was time to go, and since it was time, it was time - no drawn-out fuss, just say goodbye. I haven't been there to visit since the funeral... in my mind, it seems complete as it was and I don't want to add to those memories yet. It was absolutely a beautiful September day. Everyone there was focused on celebrating what an amazing person he was and what a life he had. After the church service, I had told Emily to stay with her Sullivan grandparents while I was a pallbearer with my cousins and siblings, but she straggled loose and found herself in between the casket and the followers, of which Mommo was of course at the front. Emily walked quietly and somberly behind, and Mommo saw her and was incredibly touched at the sight of the "Littlest Pallbearer." I know the real reason is less dramatic, that she just wandered into someplace she wasn't supposed to be, but it meant a lot to Mommo. And I like thinking that Poppo had spent his professional life dedicated to the well-being of children and education of hose who care for them, so it was very fitting to have a single child follow him out of the church where he had held years of parenting classes. It was like she was representing all those children whose lives he had bettered.
After the burial, there was lunch in the basement, where I remembered he and Mommo so loved to go to Wednesday night soup suppers and Sunday Spud Lunches. They always invited me to go, and paid heftily into the donation basket to cover my costs too. I got to tell that story, and a few others, as everybody had a chance at the open mike to tell stories about him. My favorite was the last one, told by my aunt Janie, about how he and Mommo had gone to visit his boyhood home in Burlington or Ft. Madison, I forget which. He had been so impressed that the current family had let him into their home so he could see the inside and reminisce. Mommo said she wasn't that surprised, and that if someone had come to her door and said he'd grown up there, she would certainly let him inside to look around! Poppo replied to her, "Like hell you would, Bette! We built this place!" And my mind is left ringing with the laugh of him and Mommo together, along with his gentle patient voice, reassuring and calming. On the phone, I would always try to be specific as to when we would arrive for a visit, or with whatever details I was conveying, and he would always reply, "Fine, fine. We'll be here. Okay, bye bye!" And Travis and I laugh together over remembering him saying, "Well goodness sake!!" wondering if that was ever less G-rated when he was in the Marines. :) I would imagine it was just the same. I am sure there was probably a side of him that I never knew, since 2/3 of his life had passed before I even existed, but he was always a constant for me. And how lucky I am that such a portion of our lives overlapped. And that he got to be a part of my children's lives - not just meet them, but know them and be amazed by them, and they'll remember him too. What I wouldn't give for one more cologne-heavy hug!
...and I have to stop now. My kids are wondering why I'm crying! I will add to this as I come up with other memories that pop up. Like the rotten potato story that preceded him joining the Marines, and how he cruised around the South Pacific islands when stationed on Peleliu. And the joy of seeing him personally greet everyone who came to his 90th birthday party. And his smug smile after making a particularly good joke, or talking about something he liked especially. And his favorite candy: malted milk balls from the candy shop in Wilton. He loved Scheherezade and Rachmaninoff's piano concerto (excellent choices, IMHO). And how he would fall asleep, head drooping or leaned back with mouth agape, at nearly every gathering. And his fur hat that he wore in the winter and the cap he wore in the summer. And him holding Mommo's hand, holding the door for her, helping her down stairs, into their car, getting her coat on. And how he offered to take my dinner plate back to my table for me at my wedding. And on and on...
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Um, hi!
So, this probably represents my longest break in blogging since I started 7+ years ago. Things have been busy. I'm now faced with what to even put here... Thanksgiving, Christmas, MLK have all passed with many memorable and fun things that happened. I've thought of lots of things I want to put here, but our computer was being repaired for most of January so I didn't even bother to start an entry. I really wanted to write an entry dedicated to the memory of my grandfather, since at the time of his death things were so hectic and the grief was so fresh I couldn't really put it all together. I hope that post will be something I can do soon. I visited Mommo yesterday, and was so impressed with how she handles living on her own at age 94. I think it's the fear that would get to me, but she is unafraid. She is very careful, very meticulous, and finds joy in places most of us overlook, which does a lot to mask the constant ache of missing him. I can feel it, too, especially in their house. I don't think it'll ever go away...
Anyway, as is standard, for tonight I'll go with a brief rundown of each kid.
Clara has a few more words than previous posting. She is willing to echo back words that are one-syllable and start with B, so: book, ball, boot, bowl... She spontaneously asked me to help her get her sweatshirt "off" one day, much to my delight! So, we're getting there. The other day, she ran in to the bathroom saying "poop," so I took off her diaper (skidmark) and she did her business, happily returning to play. It was incredible. I guess I could potty train her any day now, but I think I'll wait until my own attitude improves, considering the other two are still requiring so much reminding and tutorials in how to not gamble until the last second (they lose), or how to not leave poop all over the toilet seat while cleaning up oneself. This whole excrement-management business is TRICKY. Anyway, Clara is very snuggly and cuddly and will give me the most fabulous smoochy kisses!! This morning she went back to sleep after I brought her to my bed at 6:20 AM, and we snoozed together quite awhile. it was glorious. Her only issue now is lacking words to express her increasingly complex desires, and the resulting head-splitting screams she emits when she's temporarily maddened by something are incredible. But, she dances, she smiles, she snuggles and kisses and is 100% made of love. Er, I guess she's 99.9% love and 0.1% screams. Whatever, I'll take it. :)
Audrey is reading just about everything these days. Nearly all the children's books are fair game, as are emails and texts that she reads over my shoulder (not cool, kiddo...) She is confident in her reading and prefers to do it over just about any other activity, including playing with another 4YO girl and a Barbie DreamHouse at New Year's Eve. I found her away from all the other kids, behind the couch, reading books. She is the epitome of girly girl, loving make-up and spending entire COLD days dressed up as Tinkerbell (insisting we call her by that name, even) or in her snowflake ballerina outfit. She evaluates the clothes and hair of women she sees everywhere, including a homeowner on This Old House (Ooo, I like her flipflops!!). She sings with confidence and perfect pitch over nearly two octave range. She was reading One Morning in Maine the other day, replacing every mention of the title character, Sal, with her own name, and Sal's little sister Jane's name with Clara. And she is just lovely to be around. She and I generally get along really well; even if she is feeling stubborn about something, she is remarkably good about communicating just what it is that's troubling her, and then we can compromise or weed out just the part she doesn't like. It's pretty awesome.
Emily is a bit intimidated by Audrey's freakish reading abilities, but I'm trying several different tactics on her. I've tried telling her that Audrey is a reader but Emily is my writer, and encouraging her to write notes to me, which I absolutely love to get! I've told her that she will get good at reading if she keeps trying at school; everybody gets good at it, at her own pace, and it doesn't matter to me what she does at home as long as she is happy when she IS reading. I've also pointed out that Audrey has nearly all day every day to sit at home and read, whereas Emily gets to do things like gym class and math and recess and music class. Once she has practiced as much as Audrey has driven herself to, she'll be good at it too. Emily has been playing her piano more, since she learned Jingle Bells at Christmastime. We don't schedule lessons, but she has about 4 songs written down in a little booklet, and she gives herself a checkmark each time she plays each one. When she has 4 checkmarks, she plays them for me and we pick out new songs to practice. I told her if she works hard at piano and learns to play songs, then she can play my little half-size violin. She also wants to sing in the Heartland Youth Choir, and we went to a rehearsal to see what it was about. It looks like SO much fun, but it's a bigger commitment than I want to sign my kindergartener up for, so we're saving that for next fall (it's 1st and 2nd graders anyway). It'd be nice if she'd want to do some kind of athletic thing, but I'll let her jump on board with whatever her friends are doing whenever it seems fun to her, softball, soccer... I would even take her to cheerleading if that's really what she wanted. As much as a dippy thing it seems to me, I can't crush her completely! We butt heads enough as it is, with her continuing compulsion to complete her intentions, no matter how much someone is screaming at her to get her hands off from around her sister's neck, or other such pressing situations. My new take on it, over the past few weeks, is to try to give her a way out of a situation that allows her to make the good choice as though it were her idea, or at least without the forced admission that she must do what I want her to do. I don't need to win the battle, I just need to keep her sisters from being strangled. That's helping a little but I have a lot of work to do for it to be effective all the time. One of my favorite things from this winter was hearing from Emily's teacher that she had told everyone in her class a fantastic story about moving into a stranger's mansion for the weekend, doing arts & crafts. Her description of our Minneapolis Reunion was HILARIOUS. I am so glad her teacher emailed me, because I laughed and laughed. And it was a good reminder that Emily sees the world in a very different way than I do, and it's not necessarily wrong. She spent the entire drive home from Ames last night asking me questions about outer space: "Why is the moon round? and the earth? Why is Pluto not a planet anymore? Why is outer space cold? Why is some air cold and some air warm?" Emily may not fancy herself to be a reader, but she is absolutely a scientist. I tried really hard to answer her questions completely but simply, and I think I did all right because she just kept coming back at me with related but more complex questions. Her sisters were asleep, but her little brain was working really hard!!
I have been getting up early in the mornings to do some exercises in the basement, using an app on my phone to direct me since I'm terribly unclever and lazy at 6 AM. I think it's been doing some good, because I had been seeing a chiropractor every other week due to lower back pain. I have terribly crooked hips and poor posture, so the strengthening exercises should help with both. I am hoping it helps my attitude and energy level, too, and gets me ready to hit the beach in Thailand in April!! Travis and I are taking a celebratory 10-year anniversary trip together, leaving the kids with grandparents while we're gone. It's going to be awesome!!
Anyway, as is standard, for tonight I'll go with a brief rundown of each kid.
Clara has a few more words than previous posting. She is willing to echo back words that are one-syllable and start with B, so: book, ball, boot, bowl... She spontaneously asked me to help her get her sweatshirt "off" one day, much to my delight! So, we're getting there. The other day, she ran in to the bathroom saying "poop," so I took off her diaper (skidmark) and she did her business, happily returning to play. It was incredible. I guess I could potty train her any day now, but I think I'll wait until my own attitude improves, considering the other two are still requiring so much reminding and tutorials in how to not gamble until the last second (they lose), or how to not leave poop all over the toilet seat while cleaning up oneself. This whole excrement-management business is TRICKY. Anyway, Clara is very snuggly and cuddly and will give me the most fabulous smoochy kisses!! This morning she went back to sleep after I brought her to my bed at 6:20 AM, and we snoozed together quite awhile. it was glorious. Her only issue now is lacking words to express her increasingly complex desires, and the resulting head-splitting screams she emits when she's temporarily maddened by something are incredible. But, she dances, she smiles, she snuggles and kisses and is 100% made of love. Er, I guess she's 99.9% love and 0.1% screams. Whatever, I'll take it. :)
Audrey is reading just about everything these days. Nearly all the children's books are fair game, as are emails and texts that she reads over my shoulder (not cool, kiddo...) She is confident in her reading and prefers to do it over just about any other activity, including playing with another 4YO girl and a Barbie DreamHouse at New Year's Eve. I found her away from all the other kids, behind the couch, reading books. She is the epitome of girly girl, loving make-up and spending entire COLD days dressed up as Tinkerbell (insisting we call her by that name, even) or in her snowflake ballerina outfit. She evaluates the clothes and hair of women she sees everywhere, including a homeowner on This Old House (Ooo, I like her flipflops!!). She sings with confidence and perfect pitch over nearly two octave range. She was reading One Morning in Maine the other day, replacing every mention of the title character, Sal, with her own name, and Sal's little sister Jane's name with Clara. And she is just lovely to be around. She and I generally get along really well; even if she is feeling stubborn about something, she is remarkably good about communicating just what it is that's troubling her, and then we can compromise or weed out just the part she doesn't like. It's pretty awesome.
Emily is a bit intimidated by Audrey's freakish reading abilities, but I'm trying several different tactics on her. I've tried telling her that Audrey is a reader but Emily is my writer, and encouraging her to write notes to me, which I absolutely love to get! I've told her that she will get good at reading if she keeps trying at school; everybody gets good at it, at her own pace, and it doesn't matter to me what she does at home as long as she is happy when she IS reading. I've also pointed out that Audrey has nearly all day every day to sit at home and read, whereas Emily gets to do things like gym class and math and recess and music class. Once she has practiced as much as Audrey has driven herself to, she'll be good at it too. Emily has been playing her piano more, since she learned Jingle Bells at Christmastime. We don't schedule lessons, but she has about 4 songs written down in a little booklet, and she gives herself a checkmark each time she plays each one. When she has 4 checkmarks, she plays them for me and we pick out new songs to practice. I told her if she works hard at piano and learns to play songs, then she can play my little half-size violin. She also wants to sing in the Heartland Youth Choir, and we went to a rehearsal to see what it was about. It looks like SO much fun, but it's a bigger commitment than I want to sign my kindergartener up for, so we're saving that for next fall (it's 1st and 2nd graders anyway). It'd be nice if she'd want to do some kind of athletic thing, but I'll let her jump on board with whatever her friends are doing whenever it seems fun to her, softball, soccer... I would even take her to cheerleading if that's really what she wanted. As much as a dippy thing it seems to me, I can't crush her completely! We butt heads enough as it is, with her continuing compulsion to complete her intentions, no matter how much someone is screaming at her to get her hands off from around her sister's neck, or other such pressing situations. My new take on it, over the past few weeks, is to try to give her a way out of a situation that allows her to make the good choice as though it were her idea, or at least without the forced admission that she must do what I want her to do. I don't need to win the battle, I just need to keep her sisters from being strangled. That's helping a little but I have a lot of work to do for it to be effective all the time. One of my favorite things from this winter was hearing from Emily's teacher that she had told everyone in her class a fantastic story about moving into a stranger's mansion for the weekend, doing arts & crafts. Her description of our Minneapolis Reunion was HILARIOUS. I am so glad her teacher emailed me, because I laughed and laughed. And it was a good reminder that Emily sees the world in a very different way than I do, and it's not necessarily wrong. She spent the entire drive home from Ames last night asking me questions about outer space: "Why is the moon round? and the earth? Why is Pluto not a planet anymore? Why is outer space cold? Why is some air cold and some air warm?" Emily may not fancy herself to be a reader, but she is absolutely a scientist. I tried really hard to answer her questions completely but simply, and I think I did all right because she just kept coming back at me with related but more complex questions. Her sisters were asleep, but her little brain was working really hard!!
I have been getting up early in the mornings to do some exercises in the basement, using an app on my phone to direct me since I'm terribly unclever and lazy at 6 AM. I think it's been doing some good, because I had been seeing a chiropractor every other week due to lower back pain. I have terribly crooked hips and poor posture, so the strengthening exercises should help with both. I am hoping it helps my attitude and energy level, too, and gets me ready to hit the beach in Thailand in April!! Travis and I are taking a celebratory 10-year anniversary trip together, leaving the kids with grandparents while we're gone. It's going to be awesome!!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Bright kids
I went to their parent-teacher conferences last week, and Emily's was pretty much as I expected. She's meeting all expectations for Kindergarteners, and in some respects has achieved all that is required of K-ers for the entire year. Her teacher likes to tell her that she's "a reader" now, and it's fun to reinforce that at home, too, because I can see that Emily gets a little kick of pride out of it. Which is nice because Audrey actually has an easier time reading sometimes, and I can see that that deflates Emily just a little when she sees that. (What can I say - Audrey enjoys it more and practices more! that's what happens...) Her teacher also said that Emily is a bit of a leader in the classroom, but not bossy, that everyone likes to play with her and they seek her out for fun ideas and creativity. Awesome! Not only is my kid enjoying school, but school is enjoying her back.
Audrey's was a bit more interesting - not in a negative way, just very surprising. Her teacher told us she thought it was great that Audrey loves books so much, that she'll pick up her favorites and go off in a corner and read them. She said she's really smart (duh) and has great ideas, and the best dimples ever (again, duh!). She likes playing with other kids but she's pretty quiet and keeps to herself most of the time. She said she'd like it if Audrey could open up a little more, participate in circle time and maybe sing with the class, at which point Travis's jaw dropped to the floor, because Audrey wasn't singing?!?!?! When does that happen??? This girl is so funny. She sits quietly with her hands in her lap, won't even do the actions along with the other kids! When confronted with someone unfamiliar, she sits with her head down and won't let that person see her face (which happened at the dentist, and upon re-meeting her uncle Pat, too. We're familiar with that shyness!). I was pleased that the teacher said she's emphasizing free play and socializing for Audrey, since obviously academically she's getting everything she needs. And that she said she doesn't push Audrey to not be shy, but rather just checks on her to make sure she's fine, and knows she's safe, but doesn't tell her to be something she isn't. phew! And then she said she loves art, and showed us her scarecrow up on the wall. Audrey's stood out from all the rest - some of them didn't have faces, some had basic smilies, but Audrey's had full, gorgeously-shaped lips with big round eyes AND eyelashes. Hilarious!! What a funny girl!!
Meanwhile, at home, Emily has absolutely been driving me nuts lately. I know I should be careful to keep my expectations of my kids in check, because they can be SO capable that when they aren't, it's irritating. but really, when you're around anyone, you expect certain things, like, if you're having a reasonable conversation about whether something should or shouldn't happen, and you make your case and the other person is quiet, you'd assume they agreed, right? No, it just means she wanted to do that thing SO MUCH that she went ahead and did it anyway. Too many examples to cite here. It even got to the point where I asked Emily why she bothered asking me if she was just going to ignore me anyway? Probably the wrong question to ask a very literal little girl, because I DO want some way of knowing that she's intending to be up to no good! I don't know what to change, but Travis's thought is that all I can change is my reaction so I might as well just not get angry when she does things like that. My mom thinks I've put too much responsibility onto her as the oldest, and I come down harder on her for failings than I do her sisters because of that responsibility. But I don't think that's the case exactly because i don't WANT to be giving her responsibility! Our biggest arguments are that she wanted to try to do something that i didn't think she should be responsible for, like making breakfast for her sisters or getting out a project involving glue for Audrey to do. Really, just let me do my job... please... *sigh* She just absolutely cannot stop herself, sometimes. It's so frustrating because she is such an amazing girl, and she really does not see that there's any reason to stop. I can't make her want to stop. But the reasons why she doesn't want to stop (she doesn't see any need to please anyone but herself, she is very persistent and she has great ideas that are worth investigating) aren't things I want to beat out of her, either. They are wonderful things that make her unique and amazing! So I guess I get to just fight the daily battles and hope her gifts manifest themselves well in a few years... fingers crossed.
And of course Clara is still not talking. But she gets more and more expressive by the day. She can buckle up her Buckle Pig now, and hold a pencil like you'd teach any child to do, but almost nothing for words. What a stinker. :)
Audrey's was a bit more interesting - not in a negative way, just very surprising. Her teacher told us she thought it was great that Audrey loves books so much, that she'll pick up her favorites and go off in a corner and read them. She said she's really smart (duh) and has great ideas, and the best dimples ever (again, duh!). She likes playing with other kids but she's pretty quiet and keeps to herself most of the time. She said she'd like it if Audrey could open up a little more, participate in circle time and maybe sing with the class, at which point Travis's jaw dropped to the floor, because Audrey wasn't singing?!?!?! When does that happen??? This girl is so funny. She sits quietly with her hands in her lap, won't even do the actions along with the other kids! When confronted with someone unfamiliar, she sits with her head down and won't let that person see her face (which happened at the dentist, and upon re-meeting her uncle Pat, too. We're familiar with that shyness!). I was pleased that the teacher said she's emphasizing free play and socializing for Audrey, since obviously academically she's getting everything she needs. And that she said she doesn't push Audrey to not be shy, but rather just checks on her to make sure she's fine, and knows she's safe, but doesn't tell her to be something she isn't. phew! And then she said she loves art, and showed us her scarecrow up on the wall. Audrey's stood out from all the rest - some of them didn't have faces, some had basic smilies, but Audrey's had full, gorgeously-shaped lips with big round eyes AND eyelashes. Hilarious!! What a funny girl!!
Meanwhile, at home, Emily has absolutely been driving me nuts lately. I know I should be careful to keep my expectations of my kids in check, because they can be SO capable that when they aren't, it's irritating. but really, when you're around anyone, you expect certain things, like, if you're having a reasonable conversation about whether something should or shouldn't happen, and you make your case and the other person is quiet, you'd assume they agreed, right? No, it just means she wanted to do that thing SO MUCH that she went ahead and did it anyway. Too many examples to cite here. It even got to the point where I asked Emily why she bothered asking me if she was just going to ignore me anyway? Probably the wrong question to ask a very literal little girl, because I DO want some way of knowing that she's intending to be up to no good! I don't know what to change, but Travis's thought is that all I can change is my reaction so I might as well just not get angry when she does things like that. My mom thinks I've put too much responsibility onto her as the oldest, and I come down harder on her for failings than I do her sisters because of that responsibility. But I don't think that's the case exactly because i don't WANT to be giving her responsibility! Our biggest arguments are that she wanted to try to do something that i didn't think she should be responsible for, like making breakfast for her sisters or getting out a project involving glue for Audrey to do. Really, just let me do my job... please... *sigh* She just absolutely cannot stop herself, sometimes. It's so frustrating because she is such an amazing girl, and she really does not see that there's any reason to stop. I can't make her want to stop. But the reasons why she doesn't want to stop (she doesn't see any need to please anyone but herself, she is very persistent and she has great ideas that are worth investigating) aren't things I want to beat out of her, either. They are wonderful things that make her unique and amazing! So I guess I get to just fight the daily battles and hope her gifts manifest themselves well in a few years... fingers crossed.
And of course Clara is still not talking. But she gets more and more expressive by the day. She can buckle up her Buckle Pig now, and hold a pencil like you'd teach any child to do, but almost nothing for words. What a stinker. :)
Monday, October 28, 2013
An accurate depiction of my life
So there are some details that don't exactly apply, such as just how much I love my job ;) But for the most part, this writer sums it up pretty nicely!!
Favorite moments
Favorite moments throughout a typical day:
- I wake up to the sound of Emily shutting the microwave door, either to heat her butter for 7 seconds or to cook Audrey's oatmeal for 3 minutes. I hear the beeping and the door opening, and I smile and laugh to myself about my independent little Emily
- When Clara wakes up, she squeaks for me to come get her, and on my favorite days, Travis is still in the shower so I get to bring her back to bed with me, and we snuggle in the super-warmness of my covers. She lays on my chest with her little fuzzy head under my chin, with her hands on my arms, scritching her fingers back and forth. She never wants to get up; I'm not sure how long we'd stay there if I didn't have to eventually get up myself. :)
- Audrey is my watchdog throughout the day. As soon as someone arrives (especially Amanda), she's peeking out the garage door, or flat-out running into the garage for a greeting. It's my very favorite thing about coming home from work, is her peeking through the door and then bouncing and smiling at me. She might have rough moments here and there, usually at bedtime, but that girl never has an entire bad DAY. What a ray of sunshine! She always surprises me with something she's learned, something new, each day.
- Clara's bedtime is special because of how much she likes to read books together. She knows her routine and loves it! She especially thinks Goodnight Gorilla is funny because of the hilarious page in the middle with the surprised expression. She turns her little head and looks up at me to see my funny surprised expression too. And then she lets me lay her down in her crib and snuggles off to sleep, usually singing.
- Then I go into the girls' room, and Travis has usually tucked them into their beds and they are waiting for me. Audrey has on her nighttime chapstick and gives me chapsticky kisses and very wiggley, emphatic hugs.
- And then, my very favorite moment, I think, is when I climb the ladder to hug Emily, and she says, "Mom, what are we going to do tomorrow?" Something about it makes me feel like an adequate mother... and there aren't many moments that actively confirm that. there are some moments where I feel inadequate, and most moments where I just keep grooving along with things, but then there's that moment where I get the sense that I'm doing something right. This girl likes her life enough to look forward to the next day, every night. She's content with the day she's had, and ready for another. And I love talking with her about the things we'll do, because there IS so much to look forward to. I don't know when else in our life that it will be so clear that the future holds so many good things for us. It's just a simple little question but I love it.
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