Our Christmas didn't turn out exactly as we planned, but we still have had a wonderful holiday. Stupid snowstorm!!!
We had planned to go to Barnum Friday after opening presents from Santa that morning, but the HUGE snowstorm caused us to move up our trip to Wednesday. Travis got up that morning, checked the weather forecast and saw that if we didn't leave that morning, there was no way we were going anywhere for 3 days. So I got up, and within 2 hours of waking, we were on the road with everything we'd need for 2 girls, for 4 days. Crazy. We had a really nice time in Barnum, but it was very good to get home. Saturday, on our way home, we stopped to visit Travis's brother at the correctional facility in Fort Dodge. It was definitely a weird Christmas in that respect, but we are hoping it's the last of its kind.
Sunday, the Johannsen Christmas was at my brother's house, so we had a very short drive to the festivities! True to form, the rest of my family showed up late, delaying lunch, then gift opening, and therefore dinner. Nobody else seems to mind that kind of thing, but Emily and I are not that flexible. I don't get hungry so much as my blood sugar drops, and I turn into a crazy person. That's really not an exaggeration - I get shakey and incredibly, well, cranky, let's say. Emily gets crabby and sleepy, and I get annoyed with her hanging on me and pawing at my earlobes, my hands, my arms, my face, whatever she can pinch. So, we didn't handle that well, or the gift opening that was the most chaotic in my whole life, I think. You'd think the gift opening would boost my spirits, but instead I just felt guilty that everybody else got me and my girls the most thoughtful lovely things, and I wasn't able to reciprocate. My gifts kinda sucked, and it was such a whirlwind that I'm not sure who most things are from, or even if some things were for Emily or Audrey or both! But there was still lots of laughs and I love my family, so it was still a wonderful day. I figure most of them wondered why I was such a nasty person on such a fun day, but I hope nobody took it personally.
The next day was the Coulson Christmas, which was thankfully replaced by a surprise birthday party for my grandma (Mommo) who turns 90 on Jan 12th. She was completely surprised after being greeted at the door with lei's, a flashing tiara and wand, and everyone singing happy birthday to her. She was so struck that she just stood in the doorway with tears streaming down her cheeks, with Poppo behind her, who finally said, "Move in, Bette." If you know Poppo, you know just the patient but slightly annoyed voice he used, because it was COLD that day! It was a really wonderful evening. Everyone was there, too: her husband, two daughters, 5 grandkids, 5 great-granddaughters, and her niece and nephew and their familes. We put together a gift of our memories of her, written on scraps of paper for her to read, one each day over the coming year. I think that looks like a pretty nice party to aim for in 60 years.
The thing that was most frustrating, in looking back over Christmas, was that I wasn't able to give Emily a sense that Christmas is a holiday, one day, that we celebrate together as a family. Instead, it's a hectic week of schedule-out-the-window, traveling, and presents day after day after day. I suppose that's a more realistic depiction, but she didn't even get to experience Santa: the anticipation going to bed, the excitement waking up, and the magic of opening gifts from someone mysterious. She asked me today if she could open presents, as though this is what we do daily now. I guess next year I'll try to establish something just for our little Sullivan family, if another snowstorm and other family stuff don't get in the way.
And so it's back to the grind of things today. Emily has yet to initiate a run to the potty out of real need, and at this point I'm letting her have accidents so she can see the difference between the positive experiences (went when Mom told her) and the negative one (pooped her pants AGAIN.) I just cannot believe that it's normal for a 2-year-old to poop 3 times daily, but I'm sure tired of washing out undies in the toilet. It's practically every day, and she goes in the potty plenty of times!! You'd think she'd figure it out. I just don't know what else to say to her or how else to incentivize it. So if she's too young and not ready for full-on potty trained status, then she's too young to give up her nap completely!!! but that's what she's doing. Just as I need a few minutes in the afternoon to teach Audrey how to take naps by herself (I haven't bothered to this point, with all the car travel, strange places, and schedule upset). Emily ends up either too cranky to function by the end of the day, or wide awake (with a nap) and unable to get to bed before 10:00. I guess this is all normal, but it sure seems like I should be able to do something about it, and I just can't.
Audrey is smiling lots these days, and she's getting so she needs more attention - as in, entertainment. She gets lost in the mix a lot, and I feel terrible that I have to give her her pacifier while I take care of poopy pants AGAIN, or tear Emily off the stairs AGAIN, or take care of the latest owie Emily achieved because she's too tired to function. So, I guess, so much for not having another thumb sucker. I feel guilty about Emily's nervous habits, and the consolations I've been offered are not consoling: "It's not your fault, she does it naturally," yes, because that's one of the few ways she's just like me when I was a kid- nervous and needing something in her mouth. I bit my nails terribly short from the time I was 4 or 5 until probably college, and I still pick at them a lot. I can't help her to quit either the thumb or her earlobe pawing - she'll either transfer the habit or have to spend 20 years outgrowing it. It's a really awful feeling.
This post has taken me all day to do, and I have done nothing else besides this and paying attention to my kids - dishes are all on the counter, lunch was reheated. But diapers are changed, poop is cleaned off bottoms, and they're both fed and resting now. It's a keep-em-alive kind of day, I guess. I'm hungry, again, so I'd better go eat something before someone else needs me again.
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