Our Christmas didn't turn out exactly as we planned, but we still have had a wonderful holiday. Stupid snowstorm!!!
We had planned to go to Barnum Friday after opening presents from Santa that morning, but the HUGE snowstorm caused us to move up our trip to Wednesday. Travis got up that morning, checked the weather forecast and saw that if we didn't leave that morning, there was no way we were going anywhere for 3 days. So I got up, and within 2 hours of waking, we were on the road with everything we'd need for 2 girls, for 4 days. Crazy. We had a really nice time in Barnum, but it was very good to get home. Saturday, on our way home, we stopped to visit Travis's brother at the correctional facility in Fort Dodge. It was definitely a weird Christmas in that respect, but we are hoping it's the last of its kind.
Sunday, the Johannsen Christmas was at my brother's house, so we had a very short drive to the festivities! True to form, the rest of my family showed up late, delaying lunch, then gift opening, and therefore dinner. Nobody else seems to mind that kind of thing, but Emily and I are not that flexible. I don't get hungry so much as my blood sugar drops, and I turn into a crazy person. That's really not an exaggeration - I get shakey and incredibly, well, cranky, let's say. Emily gets crabby and sleepy, and I get annoyed with her hanging on me and pawing at my earlobes, my hands, my arms, my face, whatever she can pinch. So, we didn't handle that well, or the gift opening that was the most chaotic in my whole life, I think. You'd think the gift opening would boost my spirits, but instead I just felt guilty that everybody else got me and my girls the most thoughtful lovely things, and I wasn't able to reciprocate. My gifts kinda sucked, and it was such a whirlwind that I'm not sure who most things are from, or even if some things were for Emily or Audrey or both! But there was still lots of laughs and I love my family, so it was still a wonderful day. I figure most of them wondered why I was such a nasty person on such a fun day, but I hope nobody took it personally.
The next day was the Coulson Christmas, which was thankfully replaced by a surprise birthday party for my grandma (Mommo) who turns 90 on Jan 12th. She was completely surprised after being greeted at the door with lei's, a flashing tiara and wand, and everyone singing happy birthday to her. She was so struck that she just stood in the doorway with tears streaming down her cheeks, with Poppo behind her, who finally said, "Move in, Bette." If you know Poppo, you know just the patient but slightly annoyed voice he used, because it was COLD that day! It was a really wonderful evening. Everyone was there, too: her husband, two daughters, 5 grandkids, 5 great-granddaughters, and her niece and nephew and their familes. We put together a gift of our memories of her, written on scraps of paper for her to read, one each day over the coming year. I think that looks like a pretty nice party to aim for in 60 years.
The thing that was most frustrating, in looking back over Christmas, was that I wasn't able to give Emily a sense that Christmas is a holiday, one day, that we celebrate together as a family. Instead, it's a hectic week of schedule-out-the-window, traveling, and presents day after day after day. I suppose that's a more realistic depiction, but she didn't even get to experience Santa: the anticipation going to bed, the excitement waking up, and the magic of opening gifts from someone mysterious. She asked me today if she could open presents, as though this is what we do daily now. I guess next year I'll try to establish something just for our little Sullivan family, if another snowstorm and other family stuff don't get in the way.
And so it's back to the grind of things today. Emily has yet to initiate a run to the potty out of real need, and at this point I'm letting her have accidents so she can see the difference between the positive experiences (went when Mom told her) and the negative one (pooped her pants AGAIN.) I just cannot believe that it's normal for a 2-year-old to poop 3 times daily, but I'm sure tired of washing out undies in the toilet. It's practically every day, and she goes in the potty plenty of times!! You'd think she'd figure it out. I just don't know what else to say to her or how else to incentivize it. So if she's too young and not ready for full-on potty trained status, then she's too young to give up her nap completely!!! but that's what she's doing. Just as I need a few minutes in the afternoon to teach Audrey how to take naps by herself (I haven't bothered to this point, with all the car travel, strange places, and schedule upset). Emily ends up either too cranky to function by the end of the day, or wide awake (with a nap) and unable to get to bed before 10:00. I guess this is all normal, but it sure seems like I should be able to do something about it, and I just can't.
Audrey is smiling lots these days, and she's getting so she needs more attention - as in, entertainment. She gets lost in the mix a lot, and I feel terrible that I have to give her her pacifier while I take care of poopy pants AGAIN, or tear Emily off the stairs AGAIN, or take care of the latest owie Emily achieved because she's too tired to function. So, I guess, so much for not having another thumb sucker. I feel guilty about Emily's nervous habits, and the consolations I've been offered are not consoling: "It's not your fault, she does it naturally," yes, because that's one of the few ways she's just like me when I was a kid- nervous and needing something in her mouth. I bit my nails terribly short from the time I was 4 or 5 until probably college, and I still pick at them a lot. I can't help her to quit either the thumb or her earlobe pawing - she'll either transfer the habit or have to spend 20 years outgrowing it. It's a really awful feeling.
This post has taken me all day to do, and I have done nothing else besides this and paying attention to my kids - dishes are all on the counter, lunch was reheated. But diapers are changed, poop is cleaned off bottoms, and they're both fed and resting now. It's a keep-em-alive kind of day, I guess. I'm hungry, again, so I'd better go eat something before someone else needs me again.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Stupid Christmas
Christmas has been taking up my maternity leave, and I'm not very happy about it! I'm supposed to be able to spend some of this time at home with my baby, relaxing, recovering, getting used to having two kids, and instead I'm trying frantically to do random Christmas preparations in any spare moment. Gah!!
Things are going much better, all in all, though. I'm still really busy, but on the days where Audrey is up 2 or fewer times, I do all right. The nights where she's up every 2 1/2 hours, I don't do so well on the following days. And it takes me a while to recover, too. Wednesday night was particularly bad, and by Sunday I could barely function. I thought I might sleep in a little that day, since Travis had stayed out until 3 AM the night before and slept until 9:30 Saturday, but no, Emily was pestering me at 6:45, like usual. Travis did take her downstairs at 7:15, finally, but Audrey was awake at 7:45 so that's hardly that much of a luxury. That's how most days are going: if one kid sleeps in, the other doesn't, whether Travis is around to help or not. It's sad that I'm yearning for the day when I can sleep two four-hour stretches in the same night!!
Audrey definitely knows me, now, and she makes the most fantastic faces. I came downstairs last night from putting Emily in bed (again), and Audrey looked up at me with the most surprised happy-to-see-me expression! It was beautiful. She really can smile now, although it's generally just a couple of times, first thing in the morning. One of these days, I'll get it on camera. There's just something about the way she wiggles and makes faces and coos that just makes me wild about her!
Emily is about 75% potty trained, I'd say. I have to suggest it most of the time, but she's got everything else down. She still likes her privacy, shouting "GO 'WAY" to me as she runs to the potty. The hand gesture that goes along with it is pretty funny, tho hard to describe. She went all day Sunday and all day today without any accidents at all! It's sad to me that she can poop on the potty 3 or 4 times in a day and still manage to poop her pants, too. It's a lot to ask of a little person, to keep going that many times! Her descriptions of her output are getting funnier, too. The latest was "ice cream in cone," and I have to say it was pretty accurate. It's like, instead of potty training, she's making poop art. And she's so matter of fact when she says it, too! Hilarious.
Things are going much better, all in all, though. I'm still really busy, but on the days where Audrey is up 2 or fewer times, I do all right. The nights where she's up every 2 1/2 hours, I don't do so well on the following days. And it takes me a while to recover, too. Wednesday night was particularly bad, and by Sunday I could barely function. I thought I might sleep in a little that day, since Travis had stayed out until 3 AM the night before and slept until 9:30 Saturday, but no, Emily was pestering me at 6:45, like usual. Travis did take her downstairs at 7:15, finally, but Audrey was awake at 7:45 so that's hardly that much of a luxury. That's how most days are going: if one kid sleeps in, the other doesn't, whether Travis is around to help or not. It's sad that I'm yearning for the day when I can sleep two four-hour stretches in the same night!!
Audrey definitely knows me, now, and she makes the most fantastic faces. I came downstairs last night from putting Emily in bed (again), and Audrey looked up at me with the most surprised happy-to-see-me expression! It was beautiful. She really can smile now, although it's generally just a couple of times, first thing in the morning. One of these days, I'll get it on camera. There's just something about the way she wiggles and makes faces and coos that just makes me wild about her!
Emily is about 75% potty trained, I'd say. I have to suggest it most of the time, but she's got everything else down. She still likes her privacy, shouting "GO 'WAY" to me as she runs to the potty. The hand gesture that goes along with it is pretty funny, tho hard to describe. She went all day Sunday and all day today without any accidents at all! It's sad to me that she can poop on the potty 3 or 4 times in a day and still manage to poop her pants, too. It's a lot to ask of a little person, to keep going that many times! Her descriptions of her output are getting funnier, too. The latest was "ice cream in cone," and I have to say it was pretty accurate. It's like, instead of potty training, she's making poop art. And she's so matter of fact when she says it, too! Hilarious.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Terrible Two's
It's been quiet on this blog lately because my life is absolutely insane. I can't even describe the individual things that make it so hectic, except to say that Christmas isn't helping. I have gifts for Emily this year, but not Audrey or Travis yet, and I don't even have ideas for almost everybody else. I don't think I'm in panic mode yet, except whenever I get a chance to get out (or online) and shop, it appears that stores are out of things or have marked up prices because I'm so "last minute." With over two weeks left! Jeez!
There have been some real joys lately, just little things that I have to consciously tell myself are the reason I'm doing all this work. Audrey smiled at me last night, just barely. it wasn't an all-out grin, of course, but I started talking to her and she looked up at me and gave me the most beautiful expression with her bright blue eyes. I tried to picture that face last night when I was up with her for the 3rd time. I think my favorite nights are the ones where you think you're getting up in the middle of the night, but things go wrong somewhere and it ends up being your wake-up call for the day. Uuugh. Audrey will sleep up to 5 hours at a time, usually around 3 1/2, which is definitely helping me function - key word there being "helping." I am still having a hard time emotionally with my daily job, even on days where I feel rested. I feel like I'm being tested constantly. Emily finally fell asleep after 10:15 the other night because she kept hopping up out of bed. One time she ran into a wall because she was giggling and running around in the dark, so my efforts to be as consistent and non-interactive in hopes that she'll stay in bed were totally derailed. As a result of this newfound desire to run around at bedtime, she's been incredibly tired, which makes it impossible to reason with her (the fact that she's 2 also doesn't help), and we're left with straight discipline instead of teaching lessons. She's fighting off a cold, and still adapting to me being unavailable from time to time with Audrey. And some days she wants to potty train, while other days she insists on wearing a diaper. So yeah, stressful times with Emily.
But she's also wonderful and hilarious! She's getting real sentences now, such as "I need to stop doin' that!" and "I cry all the time." One day when I picked her up at Amanda's, she came running to me, saying "Mom! I found you!!" She's SO good at puzzles, and can do a couple of farm animal puzzles that are meant for 3-year-olds without my help at all anymore. She's decided that her favorite song is "My Favorite Things," and she knows a lot of the words to songs now so she can suggest ones for me to sing to her. She's always so sweet with Audrey, giving her kisses, bringing her her pacifier, and really being gentle around her. The other night, she flung a toy in Audrey's direction, totally by accident, and she was really upset that Audrey was so startled, even though it really wasn't Emily's fault. I have to keep telling myself that Emily's tough times are not failings on my part, and that she is still a wonderful little girl even when pushing the boundaries in every aspect of life. It's hard, though, because if I get to take credit for what a nice little girl she is (as people tell me to do), I feel responsible for her tough times, too.
We're having a snow day here today. Travis is home because there's no way he could get across town to work, with the 15" of snow we've had. It's nice to have a day with Travis home and NO FOOTBALL! Audrey and Emily are both napping this afternoon, unlike yesterday when neither of them slept except Audrey when I was holding her. And no matter what I do while they nap, I always kick myself as they're waking up for not doing something else "more productive." So I figured I'd give up on productivity and blog instead. It's nice to have something I can give up on, because even though I've been told many times that "the first kid is an experiment anyway," my girls are too special to take that attitude towards. And so I keep plugging away...
There have been some real joys lately, just little things that I have to consciously tell myself are the reason I'm doing all this work. Audrey smiled at me last night, just barely. it wasn't an all-out grin, of course, but I started talking to her and she looked up at me and gave me the most beautiful expression with her bright blue eyes. I tried to picture that face last night when I was up with her for the 3rd time. I think my favorite nights are the ones where you think you're getting up in the middle of the night, but things go wrong somewhere and it ends up being your wake-up call for the day. Uuugh. Audrey will sleep up to 5 hours at a time, usually around 3 1/2, which is definitely helping me function - key word there being "helping." I am still having a hard time emotionally with my daily job, even on days where I feel rested. I feel like I'm being tested constantly. Emily finally fell asleep after 10:15 the other night because she kept hopping up out of bed. One time she ran into a wall because she was giggling and running around in the dark, so my efforts to be as consistent and non-interactive in hopes that she'll stay in bed were totally derailed. As a result of this newfound desire to run around at bedtime, she's been incredibly tired, which makes it impossible to reason with her (the fact that she's 2 also doesn't help), and we're left with straight discipline instead of teaching lessons. She's fighting off a cold, and still adapting to me being unavailable from time to time with Audrey. And some days she wants to potty train, while other days she insists on wearing a diaper. So yeah, stressful times with Emily.
But she's also wonderful and hilarious! She's getting real sentences now, such as "I need to stop doin' that!" and "I cry all the time." One day when I picked her up at Amanda's, she came running to me, saying "Mom! I found you!!" She's SO good at puzzles, and can do a couple of farm animal puzzles that are meant for 3-year-olds without my help at all anymore. She's decided that her favorite song is "My Favorite Things," and she knows a lot of the words to songs now so she can suggest ones for me to sing to her. She's always so sweet with Audrey, giving her kisses, bringing her her pacifier, and really being gentle around her. The other night, she flung a toy in Audrey's direction, totally by accident, and she was really upset that Audrey was so startled, even though it really wasn't Emily's fault. I have to keep telling myself that Emily's tough times are not failings on my part, and that she is still a wonderful little girl even when pushing the boundaries in every aspect of life. It's hard, though, because if I get to take credit for what a nice little girl she is (as people tell me to do), I feel responsible for her tough times, too.
We're having a snow day here today. Travis is home because there's no way he could get across town to work, with the 15" of snow we've had. It's nice to have a day with Travis home and NO FOOTBALL! Audrey and Emily are both napping this afternoon, unlike yesterday when neither of them slept except Audrey when I was holding her. And no matter what I do while they nap, I always kick myself as they're waking up for not doing something else "more productive." So I figured I'd give up on productivity and blog instead. It's nice to have something I can give up on, because even though I've been told many times that "the first kid is an experiment anyway," my girls are too special to take that attitude towards. And so I keep plugging away...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)