I have so much to catch up on that this may end up in several installments. Each of my kids deserves her own post, as does Poppo. I have a lot of things in my heart that I want to write about him, because even though he's gone and really only Emily might remember him, I want my girls to be able to know who he was, and who he was to me. So I'd better get crackin!
I think I will start with Emily, though, as convention says I must begin with my firstborn. :)
The start of school has been interesting, and mostly good, I think. On the first day, Emily identified one boy who had given her trouble on the playground last year during preschool. He wasn't in her class last year but all the classes were mixed together for recess, and she was very disappointed to see Wyatt in her Kindergarten class. I had a chance to ask the teacher about him, and she said he's not a bully, he's just not nearly as mature as most kids in the class, and certainly not at all in Emily's league. He doesn't know what to do so he pushes and fights -- and even requires his own teacher's aid at all times! (There's a good investment of public resources... ugh.) There are a few other kids who annoy her, too, which is disappointing but not a big deal. For now I think she's just appalled that any kid can seriously not figure out how to behave. Also, there are 15 boys and 6 girls in the class!!! Yikes!!! Emily brought home her class book that each kid prepared a page for, so the families can learn about the other classmates. Most of the girls did all their own writing, and Emily did but hers was not the most practiced and legible (but she worked hard and was happy with it - awesome!). She mostly enjoyed cutting and gluing pictures for her own page, and decorating it. A few of the boys did their own writing for some or all of it, but most had the parent's handwriting on all of it, and clearly their scrapbooking mothers did the decorative page. And even at that, there were misspellings ("Curies Goerge"?? really?) and other questions answered incorrectly. I mean, if parents can't even do their kids' kindergarten homework for them, wow... So yeah, my concern about Emily having to deal with other people has been realized, but she seems to be handling it all right. Better than me, probably! I am much more up-beat about it with her, offering suggestions for how she might handle things that bother her, and supporting her for who she is, without all the negativity that I spew forth here! But I think she can tell that most other people suck, too, and just hasn't put words to that inclination yet. She does adore a few other girls in the class, and there's a couple little boys that she said usually get their Happy Points too.
Ahh, Happy Points. Where to begin with the joys of Happy Points??? There are THREE separate behavior-focused programs in her classroom. THREE!!! There is the school-wide system - PBIS - that gives out "Dragon Tracks" for times that teachers notice kids doing something responsible, kind, or safe. There are the Six Pillars of Responsibility that is drilled into the kids all the time, also schoolwide. And the most complicated and confusing, Happy Points. In her classroom, she gets to put her "stick" into the bucket with a "1" on it at the beginning of every day, and if three warnings aren't enough to get her acting right, she has to move her stick to the "2" bucket. Three warnings later, the stick gets moved to the "3" bucket and the parents are contacted, kid sent to principal, all that good stuff. I forget at what point she loses her Happy Point, because it's only happened to Emily once. She was in the lunchline, and I guess another kid was bothering her with his lunchbox and she retaliated by smacking him over the head with hers. (Yeah! Go Emily!!) So she lost her Happy Point for the day and was devastated. They have a sticker chart of their points, so Emmie still got her point that day and, this is the hardest part for Emily, has remained one point ahead. Not only is there a competitive aspect to the Happy Points, with the charting, but after you get so many, then you get a treat out of the treat bucket. Honestly, with all this rewarding going on, and emphasis on being nice and good, when are they doing any learning? Any free play? Any friendly interactions and social problem-solving? These are the reasons I'm sending her to school - my kid has already learned how to behave!!! And if her classroom is full of rowdy boys, why are they trying to get them to sit still and act like girls? The girls are annoyed with the boys, and the boys are getting shortchanged, too! THIS IS SO STUPID.
At Parents' Night, her teacher told us that these kids come in with a huge discrepancy of backgrounds. Some have been to developmental Kindergarten and/or preschool, or years of structured daycare, and then some come from homes without any native English-speakers or have never experienced so much as a story-time at a library. She's gotta get them all to the point where they can just BE in a classroom together, and come to a more consistent level of capabilities. That sounds fine, I guess, except that what I'm hearing is that they've gotta work on catching up the other kids a lot harder than they do on advancing my kid. I mean, mathematically, you can't end up with a less varied result at the end of the year if every data point moves equally. So, my kid is already marking time because these other kids aren't prepared. And with this emphasis on BEHAVIOR starting the school year, my poor kid is sitting in her chair wondering just how good she has to be before they'll get on with it and teach her to read (she actually said that - "They aren't teaching me to read yet" *sigh*). She had a little breakdown one night, and it was just heartbreaking because she was still lamenting being one point behind Emmie in the Happy Point chart. She's trying to be extra good at what matters most - we can chart behavior but we can't chart anything that really matters or someone might feel bad... !!! - and she knows she may never catch up no matter how hard she tries. So I just held her while she cried and told her I didn't care if she ever earned another Happy Point ever again, as long as she was happy herself. I told her I wanted her to make friends and be excited about learning, and to find things she likes at school because there will be things she doesn't like (*ahem* Wyatt!!). I told her that she couldn't be "extra good" and it would rub off on other kids - they're going to do what they want, and she can't make them stop causing trouble, she can only take care of herself. I am so, so disappointed that this has been the defining moment in her education thus far. Travis talked with her too, and he was so kind and encouraging. Things have been better since then, since I think the class has settled down and they've gotten on with actually doing things now. But it was so hard to watch Emily struggle through this, with her good sweet conscience.
One bright spot, or at least potentially bright spot, is the Word Ring. She has a keyring with index-cards strung on it, each one with a lower-case sight word (it, like, the, see, said, etc.) that she is supposed to keep at home until she's ready for more. Then she takes it back to school and the teacher adds 5 more words. After 3 days of this we've got 15 words, and the coolest thing has been that Emily is teaching them to Audrey. It's a great way to incentivize Emily to take more than one look at them (she's generally got them on the first time through), because everyone learns best by teaching!! And Audrey gets the thrill of learning something from Emily, while Emily gets to have the upper hand as the "teacher." It's adorable to see them working together, and for now it's a very happy arrangement. I don't figure that this is what Mrs. Salmon had in mind but it's working great for us!
Our parent/teacher conferences aren't until the second week of November, and even then they are only 15 minutes. I can't imagine it will be sufficient, but oh well. A lot can change between now and then, and I can hope that there is a lot going on in the classroom that Emily doesn't tell me about. She seems to love the extras - music, PE, art, and library - and I would imagine that there's a lot within the classroom that she does and never tells me about, too. That initial behavior hurdle is certainly something, though. Wow.
Outside of school, we have slowed down on the piano lessons because it is hard to find a time to do it when her sisters can be otherwise-occupied, and it's not the very end of the day when her little brain is really too fried to learn much. But she is started to enjoy actually playing songs, not just picking out notes and counting to 4 over and over. A few weeks ago she played something that I recognized as I listened from another room, and she was SO thrilled! it was like she had discovered a way to send a secret message. It was just the little boost she needed to feel like she can sit down and practice without me helping - like ditching the training wheels. So now we can do piano lessons that are actually lessons, and she can actually practice, and play however she likes. I want to be sure that she has that freedom, because that's the very best part about making music, is making it YOURS. I will NOT breathe down her neck. The worst thing I can do is crush something so precious before it's even had time to form!
Emily played a very special role last weekend during Poppo's funeral, without her even realizing it, I think. Travis and I were pallbearers, and we had intended for all 3 girls to stick with his parents while we were exiting the church. But Emily somehow ended up behind the casket but in front of anyone else, and she quietly, soberly walked along in the processional. Mommo noticed and thought it was the sweetest thing to have one lone child in that position, considering how much of Poppo's life he had dedicated to children and just how special the children in his life were to him. And that Emily took her job as "littlest pallbearer" (Mommo's words) so seriously, it really was very meaningful. Who knows, she may have just been in the wrong place and didn't know what to do with so much overwhelming emotion around her so she just kept walking. Either way, it was very, very special to all of us, and Mommo especially.
After we got home that night and Emily was tucked into bed, the finality of everything hit her and she cried and cried. She basically was saying, "that's it? That's all I get to know of Poppo??" And considering her short little 5+ years, it really wasn't much time! I thought we had been visiting them quite often, but in retrospect it wasn't nearly what we could have done. It seemed like they would both live forever... which is just my denial, really, because of course I noticed that Poppo was much slower and more frail, and more likely to fall asleep in his chair. I just thought... same has Emily thought, that there'd be just a little more time. So, I called Mommo that night, and Emily talked to her for just a little bit, just to be reassured that at least we still have her. And then my mom talked to her, and reassured her but also distracted her from the enormous, mature thoughts that were keeping her up. It's been hard to see each generation grieving, and even harder to figure out how I'm handling it all... but that's for another posting.
So, Emily turns 6 next week. What a beautiful little lady she is turning out to be!
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