It's 4:30 AM. I have been essentially awake all night. Trav and I went to bed at 10:30, and Clara started screaming shortly after 11 and didn't really stop until I gave her tylenol at 2:30. Then it took her half an hour to settle down, and I think I fell asleep with her in the chair until about 3:40, because when I got up to put her in her crib my entire left arm was asleep from the elbow down. And after that I've been lying in my bed trying to sleep, unsuccessfully. The past two nights we've tried to let her cry it out, and it took about 45 minutes. I don't know what went on tonight, if it's more teeth or what, but I am going crazy. What I wouldn't do for even 6 uninterrupted hours of sleep. Or even 4. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
So I might as well blog. I haven't had time to sit and have a coherent thought to myself in weeks, so I might as well see this as my opportunity, right?
We had a really nice Christmas. I managed to get everything ready and we had very nice family gatherings. The girls were thrilled with their Santa gifts, and when we got home from traveling, they were excited with the things that Travis and I got for them, including a trampoline, and new fleece blankets that I tied for them.
Yesterday... Wednesday, I guess, it feels like yesterday because I haven't really been asleep but I guess technically it was two days ago... anyway, I was very sick. I caught the same stomach bug that went around the New Year's party we went to. Other children got it, but because I was up all night that night, and thoroughly run down, I caught it too. My kids didn't, fortunately, because they were able to take care of themselves. It was totally amazing. Emily got breakfast for herself and Audrey - all she needed was for me to help unstick the lid on the jam. Clara napped in the afternoon, and so did I, so Emily and Audrey played nicely with play-doh while I was out. I was so very, very proud of them, especially Emily. And I felt so much better today/yesterday that I went to work and had a really great day. Except that I forgot to give Amanda her Christmas gift, and forgot to tell Emily to give her teachers their gifts that were in her bag. That snow day that we had on the last day before break is still coming back to haunt me!
I was really hoping, since this blog has been so dismal lately, that I would be able to make my next entry all full of sunny things about my lovely girls, about a happy Christmas and fun times we're having as a family. those things are all true, but I never seem to have time for this outlet when things are going well. when things aren't, I guess i just need somewhere to shout that feels safe, where I can feel sorry for myself.
We went out to eat with some friends last weekend, who were in town from Russia. The girls were so good during dinner, sitting quietly and coloring and eating everything without any issue at all, that when they requested ice cream afterwards, it was fun to say, Yes! What kind, sweetie? And all the way home from the restaurant, we told them how much we appreciated the chance to talk with our friends, and that we were proud of them for having such a nice dinner with us. It felt really good.
Audrey is practicing her phonics. She likes to pick up words and decide what they start with, and she's totally spot on except for the whole C vs. S thing. There are times that I think that she's learning to read at the same pace as Emily, but it's not true. Emily knows a lot more than she lets on, but I don't think she's reached the "click" yet, where she discovers she can sound out nearly anything just by using the letters. It'll be fun to see her world open up when that happens.
And I guess Audrey's freak-outs lately are just a cry for attention. It's so hard, because I don't want to reward that behavior with attention, but that's how I head it off. If she's headed down that slope, I try to jump in and address what's making her so mad, although sometimes I just let her go, and hope that she'll figure out, someday, how to decide for herself that she's done being angry and that she would rather be happy instead. Seems like that might be a tool she'll appreciate having later in life. I am tired of coaxing her out of her tizzy fits. But I just try my best to love her more. It's the only thing that doesn't leave me hating myself.
I just heard Clara squeak again. This is insane. I guess I've done these kinds of nights before, and I can get through tomorrow. I'm just tired of being sick, and being incapable of having coherent thoughts, like remembering to actually give the gifts that I chose and purchased and wrapped for people. I'm tired of feeling inadequate... there's so much around me that i just can't get to, I just can't get done. I can limp along, I guess, since everyone else seems to be afloat. I'll catch up at some point.
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