It appears that I've been living an incredibly sheltered life. I think I knew this, but I am realizing more and more every day that it's a very fragile, sheltered existence that I lead. There is only one member of my family who's in a bit of trouble right now, and everyone else is happy and healthy. Throughout my extended network of friends and distant family, over the past few months, there has been a kidney transplant rejection, a brain tumor, a death from Alzheimers, and the ongoing care of an infant with severe birth defects. A friend of a friend lost a 2-year-old son who was strangled by the cord for their blinds. The wildest story came from my hometown where a family lost a 20-something son in a construction accident last November, and his mom wanted to live long enough to meet his unborn daughter in April but died of cancer less than two weeks before her birth... and then a few weeks later, the dad won $1M in the lottery! I am feeling like this blog has been very shallow as I complained about things like cleaning up after my girls while all this is going on in the real world. It's amazing how many different worlds there are to be in. There's the one that's getting doused in oil right now, which I also can't wrap my mind around. There are friends welcoming healthy infants, but also those who want to and can't. There's Mommo and Poppo celebrating 61 years together this weekend, and there's the daily grind of grocery shopping, work politics, and childcare. And then, there's all this suffering, which I think is probably a more accurate reflection of the world. It was a whole year ago that my grandpa died, and I want to reach out to my grandma but I'm not really sure how. I can't even fathom the depths of her loneliness. I guess, in a feeble attempt to console myself, I will take this opportunity to say how much I am consumed by the suffering and loneliness of those I love, even though they're far away or separated from my everyday life. And, once again, I'll renew my commitment to savor the joy I have in my life, every day, because it has been selfish of me to overlook it. It really is an amazing life I lead. Someday it'll be my turn to have my life turned upside-down, and I hope I can handle it as well as my friends have.
On to the girls:
Emily bit Audrey today. She put Audrey's finger in her mouth, and bit down until she screamed. I came running, and asked what happened, and she calmly told me just exactly what she did. I think this is normal for how a 2-year-old brain works ("if I do this, what will happen?") but man, what a sociopath! She has been incredibly difficult in the evenings after she's at daycare, and I am not suspecting anything triggering it more than the stress of being away all day snapping into the comfort of being home with Mom, plus the exhaustion of a long day. She hits, she throws toys, and she's off the wall in general. They're never teachable moments, either, so it's just a matter of keeping her from doing too much damage before we can get her safely into bed. I'm so glad I don't work fulltime - I couldn't handle more than 2 evenings a week like that!
Emily and I went to see her cousins in their dance recital on Saturday, and she really enjoyed it and did a great job sitting through a 3 1/2 hour show. We told her she'd see Megan on stage, and when there were other dancers there, she kept saying, "Where'd Megan go??" When it was dark in between acts, she said, "It's dark in here! Can't see anybody!" And my favorite quote, which came during a contemporary dance that followed a beautiful and grand ballet routine, "Those people need to go away." She has good taste already!
Audrey is sitting well by herself now, but occasionally tips over and that makes her very, very mad, so she still gets the boppy wherever she sits. She's happy on her tummy, so she's on the right track towards crawling. Her sleeping and eating schedule are quite regular now, and if her breakfast is early enough, she'll actually go back to sleep which is AWESOME. Somehow, both girls are able to choose the days they go to daycare as the days they sleep past 7, whereas every other day that sleeping in would be an option, they're up by 6. We're still waiting on Audrey's top two teeth, but I think that the things I was attributing to tooth pain a few weeks ago were actually her feeling crappy from this cold. Until I caught it myself (this week has been exhausting for me) I hadn't realized how much sinus and throat discomfort came with it. I guess I'm glad I gave her tylenol - it had to have helped a little, I think.
I received an interesting compliment from a co-worker yesterday. He said he had asked around for other people's opinion of me, since he hadn't worked with me before and wondered what I was like, and he said he heard glowing remarks and that the general consensus was that I am very "adaptable." That's nice, I guess, and I'd agree that it's true, but I feel like the fat girl who's told she has great skin. You sure can pretend to be smart! Uh, thanks... Whatever. I can't say that I'll quit trying at my job, because even though I know most of what I do is useless and futile, I can't stop myself from trying my hardest and caring a lot when it becomes glaringly obvious that it it truly is useless and futile. Such a sucker I am. Oh well - they pay well, and I have the amazing luxury of quitting when it is no longer worth me beating my head against a wall.
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