It's 9:00 on a Saturday... and I've just put on my stretchy pants while Hubby goes to a house party. Hmm, not exactly how the song goes. :) It's okay - I'm happy to blog with the windows open and the smell of a spring thunderstorm about me. The sensitive subect: Travis and I have been talking for a long time (longer than I've been pregnant) about baptizing our children. So, tonight, I share with you all some of my thoughts, and welcome your comments.
In my email inbox tonight was the bi-weekly newsletter that I get from Collegiate Methodist church in Ames where Trav and I got married. I also get the newsletter from my home church (Lutheran, ELCA) in Rockford, and I enjoy reading the note from the pastor when I get them. You may or may not know this about me, but that's about all the religious introspection I do anymore. I haven't been to church on an average Sunday since probably college, though I do go with Travis's family (Catholic) when they go. In their church I have graduated to kneeling instead of staying seated, not because I am feeling more welcomed as a Protestant but because in that tiny church it is awkward to kneel while someone is kneeling behind you, breathing down your neck. The amazing thing about that church - Trav's mom and other ladies from the church held the nicest, most welcoming bridal shower for me, and every time I am there, I'm recognized and talked to like an old friend. Wonderful people there - but still an exclusive Members Only feel, with all the genuflecting and the exclusive communion. I know it's just a Catholic thing, but it's one of the many reasons Travis is okay with leaving Catholicism.
I am playing my violin in the pit orchestra for a co-worker's church (E-Free) in Ames for their Palm Sunday production next weekend. This co-worker wears Promise Keepers polos to work and although he is not in any way overbearing or evangelical at work, he is obviously a person of conservative, unquestioning faith. He's quite possibly the only scientist I know that is 100% Creationist, and he is adamant that religious doctrine should be taught in public schools. I am careful to avoid any religious discussion with him, not because I dread the proselytizing but because I'm afraid of what I would say in outrage and complete disagreement. :) I do feel just a bit guilty about being paid to play in this service, since I am pretty sure his wife is playing trumpet in the pit unpaid as a member of the church, but it's quite a drive up to Ames and I can't see myself going to this church for any other reason. Really not my cup of tea. I do wonder what his kids are learning, and how they will come of age with those teachings to draw on.
So those are the things I consider when I think about my faith. Raised Lutheran, married a Catholic in a Methodist church, and not much since then. I've talked some with my parents about how they chose the Lutheran church, and they said it's because that's where many of their friends were going and it was the only church in town with a choir - not exactly a decision based on doctrine or deep faith. All my life, discussions with them about faith have been intellectual rather than belief-based, which is also what I liked about Collegiate in Ames. When I get interested in the Bible, it's mostly out of historical and proverbial sense - not so much for faith or praise. And let's face it - I lead a charmed life. I haven't really ever dealt with death, catastrophe, or even major disappointments for a good long while, so I haven't even missed having a faith to fall back on as people so often do (I am the anti-Job, apparently). Even with my accident last summer, when I marveled at how easily I could've been hurt worse or even killed, and I knew so many people were praying for me, I wasn't drawn into deep belief. I did think about it at the time, and my thoughts were, "Wow, God must love me, and there must be a good reason I wasn't more seriously hurt. I'll see what that is as my life goes on," and that was all.
I am also fortunate that in my discussions with Travis, we're pretty much on the same page on all of this so no matter where we go, I feel good that we're on the journey together. He and I both have a respect for people of faith and for those who actively serve their churches, but kind of in the same way that I respect counselors and social workers and other people who lead lives of service to others. We don't want to just go through the motions, "punch the ticket" every week, but for right now we're not sure where we want to go from here.
I know it will be important to Trav's parents that our baby is baptized, and I am fairly confident they're not concerned if it's not a Catholic baptism as long as it's a baptism (I could not ask for more wonderful in-laws). My parents would probably be okay with no baptism (surprised, but probably okay), though I think my extended family may not like it as well. Really, I do want to raise my child as a person of faith. I have no doubt my kid will be intellectually curious, so I want to make sure I do everything to foster a healthy relationship with God since so many of the most brilliant people I know (that's you, my friends) have confided in me that conflicts about belief in Christianity added even more turmoil and internal strife to growing up. And who needed more, really?!?! I suppose it's to be expected, but it doesn't seem necessary.
So do I seek out a church now, just to find something suitable to get the kid dunked before it becomes an issue with the families? If I don't now, will I ever? Will my kid feel weird when he goes to school and other kids all go to Sunday School but he/she doesn't? I'm very hesitant about sending my kids to Sunday School since I don't want them being taught crazy things about sin, or how the Devil is a real thing or that God only loves or forgives Christians. I don't believe any of those things, I don't believe they are essential to being a Christian, and I really think they can screw up an introspective kid as he/she becomes ready to come into his/herself as a person of faith. I want to have religious discussions with my kids, but I don't want sole responsibility - I'm certainly not qualified to homeschool on that topic. Does anybody know of a nerdy, liberal church nearby?? :)
Tomorrow will be another Sunday where I sleep in late and then read the entire paper. I'm going to enjoy these pre-kid Sundays as precious days to get a full night's sleep, and really revel in it since I know they are numbered. But as that countdown goes, so slips away the time I have to make many of these decisions.
Thanks for taking the time to read all of this! There'll be more entertaining pregnancy talk later.
4 comments:
Interesting questions. I don't know if i ever told you that my mom is Muslim and my Dad is Catholic. My sister and I were both raised Catholic and we went to church every Sunday. I don't go every Sunday any more but i try to go at least every three weeks. I always feel better after church. I find for me church keeps my grounded, gives me faith, gives me somewhere to think. It has given me something to fall back on in some bad times too. My parents always wanted us to believe in something, but they didn't care too much about what it was. They had some tough times and their faith got them through it, so they wanted us to have that.
However, I know when Dave and I first moved to Minneapolis I didn't really look foward to going to church. I didn't really like the Catholic church we went to. But later on we started going to the Basillica which i love and we still go to whenever i am back in Minneapolis.
So my points are (after this really long comment), the church you go to (regardless of the denomination) can make all the difference. You can always scout out churches after you have a kid, I doubt they will notice the difference at the begining. I see what you mean about wanting your kids to have something to believe in, I think its important too, but you have plenty of time to figure things out. Tough, important questions though, I am sure you will figure out what is best for you. I learned about faith more from my parents than from Church and i am sure you and Travis will be great at that no matter what you decide!
We are also a "mixed religion" couple - I am Methodist, Nick is Catholic. In the months leading up to the wedding we were very good about going to (Methodist) church practically weekly, but now we've falled off a lot and are lucky to go once a month (in favor of sleeping in). We have also discussed this and our kids will be baptized Methodist for many of the reasons that you aren't sure about the Catholic church, and we will make sure they go to Sunday School and kiddie choir and all that good stuff growing up.
If it makes you feel any better, my Sunday school classes never said anything along the lines of I don't want them being taught crazy things about sin, or how the Devil is a real thing or that God only loves or forgives Christians - we learned that God loves everyone no matter what. And in 15 years of attendance (getting attendance awards for 13 of them) I don't recall ever once talking about the Devil. Obviously in the high school years we discussed issues quite a bit more in depth, but then we were old enough to have our own intellectual ideas already so it was always more of a round table discussion.
For my last opinion, if you are leaning towards doing the baptism, I would start trying to find a church now. You'll be able to pay more attention and notice more things about it when you're not worried about making sure that your baby isn't distracting the 20 people sitting closest to you by crying or whatever else (although that is a good indication of the church's tolerance levels!).
Good luck deciding.
Unitarian Universalist. ;) You knew I was going to say that...
Ok, lots of thoughts about what you said. You may know, but I am a devout Catholic and go to mass at least 50 out of 52 weeks a year. Geoff has recently been confirmed Catholic, and we really enjoy sharing church as a couple. It is something that brings us and our family really close.
Like Karin said, Sunday School includes little church doctrine (at least in the Catholic Faith). It's mostly about being a good person and not doing things that are wrong (sinning). There was some talk about heaven, but none that I can remember about the devil. Other religions aren't condemned, they simply aren't mentioned.
About not having many bad times: I haven't really fallen on bad times either. My faith helps me celebrate the good times I've been blessed with, though. And I know bad times will come, and I know I can lean on God.
Ok, enough about what I believe. I would recommend that you do what's right for YOU AND TRAVIS. If you're on the same page, isn't that what matters most? You may consider attending not one church, but many churches as your child grows to give him or her a taste of all beliefs. No matter what your choice you will still be loving parents and you will still try to raise your child the best way you know how.
Wow, this is one of the most thought-provoking blog entries I've ever read! Thanks for giving my brain a mid-Friday workout!
We miss you guys terribly. We wish we could be with some friends who are on the same page in their lives as we are (aka you guys). Please let us know when the baby is born so we can come and meet the new little Sullivan!
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