Hi ho, Hi ho

...it's back to work I go.

Today was a tough day.  Instead of grudging the details right away, I'm going to write about the few interesting things that have gone on around here lately.  Just little, notable things that my girls have done that remind me of how incredible they are - and just what a job it is to be their mom!!!

Audrey was drawing letters, several weeks ago (early July).  She was very proud of herself, drawing the letters A, U, P, R, and M... on the wall!  in MARKER!! *forehead smack* Not that she could have done this on paper so I could save it and date it.  Instead I had to take a picture (when she wasn't looking, of course), and then figure out some way to effectively punish her so she doesn't write on the walls in marker again, without destroying her pride in her wonderful work.  It was tricky, so I just went with a gentle "don't do that" and encouraged her to write more on paper.  She won't, though.  I don't know how she's gotten the practice to draw such nice letters.

The girls have tried out biting this summer.  Emily was so surprised the first time it happened that it actually cracked me up.  She was holding something away from Audrey, who was mad and screaming, while Emily just quietly held it away from her (as the youngest child, this "keepaway" business really makes me mad quick!).  So Audrey was fighting back, and Emily started shouting, and finally shouts, "AAIEEE!!!  She BITED me!!!"  which, I'm sorry, was kind of funny.  and at the same time, annoying.  So Audrey got hauled off to the corner, and I had to put neosporin and a bandaid on Emily's chest, just below her collarbone, because Audrey really did get a good bite on her.  I'll bet it really did hurt a lot, and very nearly broke the skin, so I was concerned about infection. But it seems to have healed up okay.  I really wanted to tell Emily that maybe she shouldn't keep things away from Audrey like that, but I can't condone biting... I was just pissed at both kids!!  A few weeks later, then, Emily bit Audrey, not quite as hard. I asked her what she thought Audrey would do if Emily bit her.  I think it finally dawned on Emily that biting was probably not the way to get her sister to move over on the couch where she wanted her to be, that Audrey would probably scream and then Emily would get in trouble.  It's always a little strange to me that such simple logic must be taught, but it's satisfying when it sinks in.  I don't have to be a screaming lunatic as often that way.

So, that same night as the first biting incident, I was tucking Emily in to bed and she looked up and asked me, "When you go to the hospital, do you die?" Jeepers!!  Turns out, the book we had read for bedtime was about a snowplow who digs out a town buried in snow, and helps everyone get where they need to be.  In the end, the firetruck gets to the fire, the mail can go through, and the doctor saved his patient by getting him to the hospital.  But really, we have to talk about death at bedtime?!  These crazy questions are nonstop with her.  "How do you make paper?"  "What do you do at work?"  "Where do sunflower seeds grow on a sunflower?"  "What do ants eat?" "What's the difference between a tuba and a sousaphone?"  Really.  It's very hard to keep supplying answers that are good enough for her!  She'll ask and ask and ask until I figure out just it is that she wants to know. 

I told Emily's preschool teacher that she is a very, very bright girl and she'll just love having her in her class.  I hope Emily is more ready to respond to her teacher than she is to me.  She seems to think that when I tell her something ("Get down off the couch!"), she is entitled to a thorough explanation of my case before she'll consider following my instruction.  Even if the explanation is provided, ("If your knee slips, you will crush Clara!") and repeated ("Get down off the couch!"), she might find an alternate solution (climbing higher) that she thinks will work better.  I know that she's thinking about this, she's not just ignoring me, most of the time, but jeepers I'm just trying to get Clara through infanthood without any crushed ribs, so just do it because by now I'm shouting and mad!!  Off to the corner she goes.  She hates the corner, and has done everything there to piss me off that she can - like screaming her most ear-piercing yell or sucking her thumb - but I won't relent.  It's such a battle, and while I can get her to shape up temporarily, it seems totally ineffective as an overall deterrent to make better choices in her actions.  I try to give her the choice of obeying, or going to the corner first and THEN obeying, and that works for some things, but a lot of times her temper gets the better of her.  Things that put her sisters' well-being in jeopardy don't get that warning, and she doesn't seem to be putting it together that she can't just use her force to get her way.  I know that everything will change once preschool starts (Monday, already!) so I guess I'll just wait for the next curveball and see if it supercedes this.

So, my first day at work. Amanda showed up on time and with her usual smile, and got the extra carseat into her back seat for Clara so they can all go out and do things together.  I topped off Clara and took off for work.  An hour later, as I was sitting in a meeting, my milk let down and it actually drenched my shirt. Ugh.  It wasn't a huge spot, right near my armpit, but still enough that I was wet and sticky and uncomfortable. and embarassed!!  Then my coworkers started filling me in on what had gone on while I was gone, and what I might do to get up to speed, except that there were a whole lot of things they assumed I knew because they happened before I went on leave.  I felt so stupid - I don't even know if I have forgotten these things or if I ever knew!  This is exactly why it's better to start a new job after maternity leave, because in that case I wouldn't be expected to know anything!!  I've even forgotten people's names -- it's bad.  It wasn't even noon and I wanted to crawl under a rock. Then I got a call from Amanda that Clara was pretty distraught and hungry, wouldn't take a bottle.  So I drove home and fed her, picked up lunch, and was back in the office in 50 minutes - not too shabby!  Clara slept all afternoon, while Emily went over to play with Hope, and Audrey took a nap.  I thought it was nice that Amanda got a bit of a breather after all of Clara's hysterics.  She'll figure out the bottle thing soon, right??  Anyway,  I spent way too much time chatting with coworkers in the afternoon, but I couldn't do much else because 1) my boss was on vacation - nice, and 2) someone at Deere thought I had been fired and rescinded my access to nearly every system that requires a password.  The helpdesk couldn't reset it because they were, coincidentally, having issues with password resets, but they started a ticket on it in the afternoon.  I can't view the progress of the ticket, though, because - of course - I'm locked out of their system!!!  Gah!!  So I gave up and came home... and realized that I left my milk and pump in the new mom's room at work.  *sigh*

It was a pretty much "duh" kind of day.  I can't even describe the feeling - overall, pretty lousy, with a dash of futility and self-loathing, and yet a tiny amount of excitement and relief which was offset by the dread of doing this 3 days next week.  Throughout, Travis was so supportive - getting ready in the morning, on IM at work, and with the kids while I prepared dinner.  He didn't bother me when I was grumpy and self-doubting, but didn't let me dwell on it or take myself too seriously.  So we had a really nice evening, after all that.  It'll get better, right?

August already??

I have a little more than 2 weeks of maternity leave left :(  Clara had better learn to take a bottle - quick!! 

It's weird to think how long I've been talking with Emily about starting preschool, and now it's actually going to happen!  I'm so excited for her, and kind of scared at the same time.  I don't know why it's seeming that much more intimidating than it was to leave her at different daycares over the years, but when I saw on the list of school supplies that she needed a backpack, something about that just totally made me get all nervous for her!  I think I've got nearly everything she needs, all ready to go, and all the dates on my calendar marked, for the home visit and the trip to see her preschool room ahead of time.  I just can't believe it's really almost here!

The girls seem to be getting along with Amanda just great.  I've got no qualms about leaving the kids with her, although it'll be interesting for her because the job is going to get a lot tougher once she's got sole responsibility for Clara (who's been staying pretty close to me this summer :) ), and the task of taking Emily to preschool.  Still not sure how we're going to manage that one, with carseats and such.

Clara is the most awesome little baby.  She snuggles and snuffs just like I adore in a newborn, and wiggles and snorts and all that good stuff.  She is a FANTASTIC sleeper - I can pretty much count on at least 6 hours, and usually a good 8 to 10 without waking in the night.  I haven't nursed her between 10PM and 4AM in weeks!!  And if I can stay rested, it makes everything manageable.  She is super conversational, and I just adore sitting with her and making faces, watching her smile, listening to her most amazing little sounds.  I love this little girl SO much.

And I love my Emily and Audrey, too, of course.  Last night, we all went for a walk together, with Emily pushing Audrey in the umbrella stroller, and Travis carrying Clara in the baby carrier.  Emily took off running, and pushed Audrey right into a bump into the sidewalk, which stopped the stroller but not the girls!!  The stroller flipped, and Audrey ended up with a HUGE goose egg on her forehead and a bloody lip.  Emily felt so bad about it, but it really wasn't her fault.  And Audrey was pretty tough.  She stopped crying right away and her bonks haven't seemed to bother her much since then.  I feel like she's going to end up like Muhammed Ali, after sustaining so many blows to her forehead she'll get all demented on me!  Maybe that's why she keeps having so many accidents.... :) 

I checked my blog this weekend to see when it was that we started potty training Audrey, and it was September 1.  In that infamous post, I believe I said that I would not spend a year on it, like I did with Audrey.  I wouldn't say that it has really taken less than that.  So I'm going to just look out into the future and pick a good 12-month span with nothing major goign on in our lives, and reserve that for Clara's potty training.  Anything less than that will be awesome.

I'm going to go enjoy the rest of this beautiful summer day!!