It seems that all of growing up (and all the subsections of things a person learns while doing so) is a series of two-steps-forward-one-step-back. I apparently do not handle the one-step-back portion of things, either in the student or teacher role. I told Travis that I had just kept betting that the next day would be the day we could start moving forward again and I was beginning to feel crazy for doing so. But finally, yesterday, the "laughing Elmo" undies survived the entire day. There was much celebrating, a highly-hyped lollipop after supper, and today, several successes. I guess I just had to hit bottom emotionally, and that's her cue to start moving forward again. What a basketcase I am!
Thanks, everyone, for your support. I hope that someday, when I escape this sleep-deprived fog, I still resemble the fun person I used to be.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Frustrated!!!!!!
If you don't want to bother reading a bunch of whining about potty training, just skip this entry. If someone had told me that I would be dealing with daily accidents for 6 months, I think I would've stuck with diapers and changing her 4 poopy diapers daily. This totally, totally sucks.
I am glad I haven't been keeping track exactly, but from the looks of my last load of laundry, it has been many weeks since Emily has gone a whole day in one pair of undergarments. I cannot tell you how tired of stainsticking and clorox-wiping and carpet-cleaning I am. Emily goes through more wipes than Audrey does! It's everything - she still has about one wet accident each week, but the worst is that even on the days where she has 2 poop successes on the potty, she still has at least one accident. I cannot stand it. I mostly just get angry at her now and tell her I'm tired of it, that I know she CAN do it and I cannot figure out why she won't. It's probably the worst possible thing to do but if nothing is going to work and she'll "figure it out when she's ready," then what does it matter what I do? If I catch her in time, or if I hear some mention of it in her constant chatter, she'll go and be quite pleased with herself. But then an hour or so later she'll be looking at her fingers, wondering why they're "muddy." The quantity she can go each day is astonishing to me, which makes me wonder why she (and I) never get a break from this. If she goes at 10, can't I at least wait until the naptime battle starts to deal with it again?? Nope, "chocolate chips" on the floor at 1:00. It's disgusting and frustrating, and worst of all, I'm gaining more and more resentment to that delightful little girl. She is so amazing and wonderful and yet there are days I just cannot stand her. I feel like this is stealing away time with her because I get so very, very mad, and I waste all kinds of time trying to figure out what I can do differently. I spent half an hour reading message boards on the internet today, hoping for something else to try, and it's so impossibly irritating because people will say the most obvious, stupid things ("well, MY daughter did this...", "try giving her M&M's!" "after a day and a half he hasn't figured it out - what do i do?", "miraculously, she just figured it out and has been accident-free ever since!"). thanks, that's all very helpful, people, and you are all very stupid. Has anybody thought about what's going on in their CHILD's head?? No matter what, i can't get past the thought that it seems having that substance in one's undergarments should be enough of a negative consequence that adding more consequences would be a waste of time. And it doesn't seem to be a power struggle because I can convince her to use the potty whenever I really need her to; besides I don't want to make it into a constant battle. I stopped rewarding with skittles because it really only seems necessary as a way to learn how it works, and she knows HOW. She just, WON'T. And I got tired of the whining for candy. She has stayed dry through the night and naptimes (when she does happen to nap) for almost a week now, so I'm thinking she'll be the only toddler ever to wear big-kid pants at night and pull-ups during the day.
Oh, and Audrey won't nap for me now, either. I haven't been able to get her to nap since Thursday - thank goodness Travis has been patient enough to get us a few minutes of peace. Emily just woke up from hers, so it appears I wasted yet another naptime beating my head against a wall.
I am glad I haven't been keeping track exactly, but from the looks of my last load of laundry, it has been many weeks since Emily has gone a whole day in one pair of undergarments. I cannot tell you how tired of stainsticking and clorox-wiping and carpet-cleaning I am. Emily goes through more wipes than Audrey does! It's everything - she still has about one wet accident each week, but the worst is that even on the days where she has 2 poop successes on the potty, she still has at least one accident. I cannot stand it. I mostly just get angry at her now and tell her I'm tired of it, that I know she CAN do it and I cannot figure out why she won't. It's probably the worst possible thing to do but if nothing is going to work and she'll "figure it out when she's ready," then what does it matter what I do? If I catch her in time, or if I hear some mention of it in her constant chatter, she'll go and be quite pleased with herself. But then an hour or so later she'll be looking at her fingers, wondering why they're "muddy." The quantity she can go each day is astonishing to me, which makes me wonder why she (and I) never get a break from this. If she goes at 10, can't I at least wait until the naptime battle starts to deal with it again?? Nope, "chocolate chips" on the floor at 1:00. It's disgusting and frustrating, and worst of all, I'm gaining more and more resentment to that delightful little girl. She is so amazing and wonderful and yet there are days I just cannot stand her. I feel like this is stealing away time with her because I get so very, very mad, and I waste all kinds of time trying to figure out what I can do differently. I spent half an hour reading message boards on the internet today, hoping for something else to try, and it's so impossibly irritating because people will say the most obvious, stupid things ("well, MY daughter did this...", "try giving her M&M's!" "after a day and a half he hasn't figured it out - what do i do?", "miraculously, she just figured it out and has been accident-free ever since!"). thanks, that's all very helpful, people, and you are all very stupid. Has anybody thought about what's going on in their CHILD's head?? No matter what, i can't get past the thought that it seems having that substance in one's undergarments should be enough of a negative consequence that adding more consequences would be a waste of time. And it doesn't seem to be a power struggle because I can convince her to use the potty whenever I really need her to; besides I don't want to make it into a constant battle. I stopped rewarding with skittles because it really only seems necessary as a way to learn how it works, and she knows HOW. She just, WON'T. And I got tired of the whining for candy. She has stayed dry through the night and naptimes (when she does happen to nap) for almost a week now, so I'm thinking she'll be the only toddler ever to wear big-kid pants at night and pull-ups during the day.
Oh, and Audrey won't nap for me now, either. I haven't been able to get her to nap since Thursday - thank goodness Travis has been patient enough to get us a few minutes of peace. Emily just woke up from hers, so it appears I wasted yet another naptime beating my head against a wall.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Thursdays! Ugh!
For some reason, Thursdays have been very tough the past couple of weeks. It's been things like potty accidents, not taking naps, and then dealing with all the poor decisions that result from operating while too tired. There's a whole rash of guilt I feel for not fully enjoying my day at home, but at least this week I was rested enough that it didn't spoil the whole day. So, to celebrate, I'm going to document some of the amazing things both my girls can do.
Audrey is a real talker now, having discovered "Bub bub bub." She's also pretty shrill sometimes, which was grating today, but I think it's that she's really sensitive to a stressful situation. We had dinner with two other families this weekend who each have baby girls about 8 months old, one of whom was crawling -- and she's smaller than Audrey! It was so funny to see them next to each other, doing just exactly what a babies their ages should be doing, but so wrongly sized. :)
Emily has made several remarkable connections lately. She was picking up toys the other night, and realized it was faster to put the blocks on the lid of the container and carry the lid over than to carry each piece individually. I was singing a rhyming song, and she caught on right away that I was rhyming the names of her friends. She loves looking at the water towers that we see, and she's been pointing out the "ABCs" that she knows as we go by. Conveniently, there are some nice letters in Urbandale and Ames for her to identify, particularly AMES! I love to hear her greet them, "Oh! Hello, watertower! You having a nice time, watertower?" "I see the blue one! Goodbye, blue one!" She sings and chatters in the backseat and Audrey just gazes at her like she's her own personal jester. Emily helped me plant the garden this year, and she was concerned that we left the seeds in the ground, but I told her we hid them so they'll grow into plants, and she was somewhat consoled.
I think we might go get our hair cut together next week, or the week after. She just needs a trim, while my hair needs a serious hacking. It's been over a year since I've had it cut!
Audrey is a real talker now, having discovered "Bub bub bub." She's also pretty shrill sometimes, which was grating today, but I think it's that she's really sensitive to a stressful situation. We had dinner with two other families this weekend who each have baby girls about 8 months old, one of whom was crawling -- and she's smaller than Audrey! It was so funny to see them next to each other, doing just exactly what a babies their ages should be doing, but so wrongly sized. :)
Emily has made several remarkable connections lately. She was picking up toys the other night, and realized it was faster to put the blocks on the lid of the container and carry the lid over than to carry each piece individually. I was singing a rhyming song, and she caught on right away that I was rhyming the names of her friends. She loves looking at the water towers that we see, and she's been pointing out the "ABCs" that she knows as we go by. Conveniently, there are some nice letters in Urbandale and Ames for her to identify, particularly AMES! I love to hear her greet them, "Oh! Hello, watertower! You having a nice time, watertower?" "I see the blue one! Goodbye, blue one!" She sings and chatters in the backseat and Audrey just gazes at her like she's her own personal jester. Emily helped me plant the garden this year, and she was concerned that we left the seeds in the ground, but I told her we hid them so they'll grow into plants, and she was somewhat consoled.
I think we might go get our hair cut together next week, or the week after. She just needs a trim, while my hair needs a serious hacking. It's been over a year since I've had it cut!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Veishea
Emily saw her first parade last weekend at VEISHEA, and she absolutely loved it. We met my sister's family and my parents at the parade, so Emily got to sit on Grandma's lap. She spent about 45 minutes just watching in awe, although my mom said she could feel Emily tense up with excitement whenever something new - a firetruck, a float, a balloon, motorcycles, a marching band - would come by. "I hear trumpets coming!" "The balloon is wearing sunglasses!" "I love parades! I love parades!" Just a few of the very enthusiastic quotes out of my little girl. Audrey enjoyed it too, from the baby bjorn. She's such a trooper. We enjoyed some of the on-campus activities which were really pretty fun for Emily, too. It was a really great day.
I've figured out that I can lay Audrey down in her crib and she'll fuss herself to sleep in about 5 minutes, and my cue is that she gets really squeaky, ear-piercingly loud. She likes to suck on her blanket, so I've been sending a taggie blanket with her to daycare now that it's getting to be too warm to snuggle up with a thick fleecey one. That's the good news in napping here - the bad news is that I haven't been able to get Emily to nap here at home for about two weeks. She'll nap at daycare, and on Saturday she collapsed after we got home and Travis laid down with her. Other than that, she stays awake all afternoon, and it is really taking its toll on me. I'm that crazy lady again; I can't see the positive things, only fret about the things that go wrong. Emily's had quite a few accidents lately and I am just so tired of it, because, just like napping, she does great around other people but for me she can't get it right. I just keep thinking if I could get enough rest, I would be able to deal with it the way I want to, but I just get so tired that they feel like personal attacks. Of course I know that my 2-year-old isn't plotting against me, but it sure feels that way sometimes!
Bringing home Audrey has been the most emotionally challenging thing I've ever done. I know that probably means I've led a sheltered life to this point, but it is very, very hard. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's weird to picture Audrey doing older-baby things like crawling and eating solid foods. She's almost 6 months, though, so I suppose it's coming very soon! I remember the first time liking the 2nd six months much better than the first, so things should be looking up here, soon.
Travis was really disappointed the other night when he asked Emily what was in the big red bottle and she replied, "Ketchup" instead of "kepitch." She's starting to lose all those babyisms!! :(
I've figured out that I can lay Audrey down in her crib and she'll fuss herself to sleep in about 5 minutes, and my cue is that she gets really squeaky, ear-piercingly loud. She likes to suck on her blanket, so I've been sending a taggie blanket with her to daycare now that it's getting to be too warm to snuggle up with a thick fleecey one. That's the good news in napping here - the bad news is that I haven't been able to get Emily to nap here at home for about two weeks. She'll nap at daycare, and on Saturday she collapsed after we got home and Travis laid down with her. Other than that, she stays awake all afternoon, and it is really taking its toll on me. I'm that crazy lady again; I can't see the positive things, only fret about the things that go wrong. Emily's had quite a few accidents lately and I am just so tired of it, because, just like napping, she does great around other people but for me she can't get it right. I just keep thinking if I could get enough rest, I would be able to deal with it the way I want to, but I just get so tired that they feel like personal attacks. Of course I know that my 2-year-old isn't plotting against me, but it sure feels that way sometimes!
Bringing home Audrey has been the most emotionally challenging thing I've ever done. I know that probably means I've led a sheltered life to this point, but it is very, very hard. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it's weird to picture Audrey doing older-baby things like crawling and eating solid foods. She's almost 6 months, though, so I suppose it's coming very soon! I remember the first time liking the 2nd six months much better than the first, so things should be looking up here, soon.
Travis was really disappointed the other night when he asked Emily what was in the big red bottle and she replied, "Ketchup" instead of "kepitch." She's starting to lose all those babyisms!! :(
Friday, April 2, 2010
A good friday, indeed
Travis and I had the day off from work, so we took the girls to daycare like normal, and then had a day to ourselves! Trav took a slightly different approach than I did - he read the paper, read his blogs, did a bit of handywork, took a nap - whereas I worked like a dog all day. But we went to lunch together at a local place in Beaverdale, and that was a fun little date. Then we went shopping and it felt good to get some of those errands done. Most of what I got done at home today was dealing with clothing - putting away Audrey's newborn and 3-6 month things, putting away Emily's winter 2T's, and getting out clothes that fit and are appropriate for the season! Poor girls, this past week has been so warm that they both had trouble sleeping in their heavier PJ's. Emily is delighted to wear shorts, and I've gotta say I love seeing those beautiful little legs - much longer than I remember them from last summer! It's funny how nostalgic it is to go through clothes, though, especially putting away Audrey's newborn things and remembering when Emily wore them. Breaks my heart, in a happy way.
I put Emily's dust ruffle under her mattress today, and Travis hung up a picture-board that has the same flowered material as her curtains - all handmade by Grandma Sullivan! Then, I got out a new pair of pajamas for her that are a beautiful blue with little ballerinas on them. Emily was one very happy little girl when she went to bed tonight. She's exhausted, after staying up late two nights this week with people at our house, so it was fun to get her good and happy to avoid the overtired reasonless crying. And it's just fun to thrill her a little. It doesn't take a whole lot, and the look on her face was so worth it.
Audrey was so happy to see me this afternoon, she practically giggled just at the sight of me. She kept nuzzling her head into my chest, then looking up and smiling. It was so cool!! I am getting more and more crazy about her, if you can imagine. I was looking at her hair in the sunlight the other day, and I can see that she's growing blonde hair in underneath her dark-reddish hair that she's had all along. I was wondering if she'd be strawberry blonde like her cousin, but it'll probably be just like Emily's for now.
We're going to Barnum for Easter tomorrow, and we have the opportunity to have all of his family together for the first time since last summer, probably. I am so happy, for Nancy especially, because Thanksgiving and Christmas were really hard. The funny part is that we'll have to miss church to do this, because normally they are very Catholic about going every week no matter what - but this year, they'll be skipping mass on Easter!! I'm pretty excited to be the Easter bunny again this year, and to have Emily go on another hunt. She's dyed eggs twice this week at daycare, so the pressure's off for me this year. *phew!* However, as the girls get older, I am going to be especially careful to not let Easter turn into the gift-giving bonanza of Christmas. I don't want "gimme" kids!!
I just reread this, and I'm surprised at what a cheerful post it turned out to be. I have been pretty grumpy this week, trying to kick a feeling of being behind the curve on just about everything. It's been kind of a "worst of both worlds" thing with my job, and I'm quite tired of putting a baby to sleep 5 times a day. But I guess I am glad to see that it's possible for me to recognize the joy in things foremost, and deal with the grouchy stuff as a secondary thought. The ability to do that seems to be directly correlated to the amount of sleep I get the night before, so with that in mind, I'm heading to bed. Happy weekend, all!
I put Emily's dust ruffle under her mattress today, and Travis hung up a picture-board that has the same flowered material as her curtains - all handmade by Grandma Sullivan! Then, I got out a new pair of pajamas for her that are a beautiful blue with little ballerinas on them. Emily was one very happy little girl when she went to bed tonight. She's exhausted, after staying up late two nights this week with people at our house, so it was fun to get her good and happy to avoid the overtired reasonless crying. And it's just fun to thrill her a little. It doesn't take a whole lot, and the look on her face was so worth it.
Audrey was so happy to see me this afternoon, she practically giggled just at the sight of me. She kept nuzzling her head into my chest, then looking up and smiling. It was so cool!! I am getting more and more crazy about her, if you can imagine. I was looking at her hair in the sunlight the other day, and I can see that she's growing blonde hair in underneath her dark-reddish hair that she's had all along. I was wondering if she'd be strawberry blonde like her cousin, but it'll probably be just like Emily's for now.
We're going to Barnum for Easter tomorrow, and we have the opportunity to have all of his family together for the first time since last summer, probably. I am so happy, for Nancy especially, because Thanksgiving and Christmas were really hard. The funny part is that we'll have to miss church to do this, because normally they are very Catholic about going every week no matter what - but this year, they'll be skipping mass on Easter!! I'm pretty excited to be the Easter bunny again this year, and to have Emily go on another hunt. She's dyed eggs twice this week at daycare, so the pressure's off for me this year. *phew!* However, as the girls get older, I am going to be especially careful to not let Easter turn into the gift-giving bonanza of Christmas. I don't want "gimme" kids!!
I just reread this, and I'm surprised at what a cheerful post it turned out to be. I have been pretty grumpy this week, trying to kick a feeling of being behind the curve on just about everything. It's been kind of a "worst of both worlds" thing with my job, and I'm quite tired of putting a baby to sleep 5 times a day. But I guess I am glad to see that it's possible for me to recognize the joy in things foremost, and deal with the grouchy stuff as a secondary thought. The ability to do that seems to be directly correlated to the amount of sleep I get the night before, so with that in mind, I'm heading to bed. Happy weekend, all!
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