End of the Innocence

I have a fantastic life, and I know it. My daughter is amazing, my husband and I continue to be more and more in love with each other, our house is lovely and despite the financial hullabaloo lately we seem to be getting along just fine. Our jobs are fine, our family is healthy and happy and we have lots of wonderful friends. But lately it seems like bad news has been trickling in thsi past week, and I feel I should be more appreciative of what I have, somehow.

There have been several people in the past week who have unexpectedly died, and while none of them were particularly close to us, they were close enough for us to feel real sadness for their loved ones. And last night, there was more sad news (which I won't disclose) that left us again feeling sorrowful but helpless. It's an awkward feeling, to live in our happy sunshiney bubble, oblivious to all sad things, and then to see the worst in the world come scarily close. It's been weird. Possibly the weirdest thing is that while I have true sympathy for those who are more directly affected by all these events, it is really quite easy for me to go about my normal day. Emily laughs and smiles and it brings so much joy to me that I can easily forget my previous empathy. It makes me feel like a fraud, almost, even though I really think I am being genuinely empathetic. I'm just not very good at putting myself in someone else's shoes, especially when they are very sad shoes and I've got happier things to think about. I think I feel guilty about that, but I'm not sure if it's healthy to spend time feeling guilty about not being sad enough on someone else's behalf!

So, it's been odd. I know that sad things are a part of life, too, and I guess this is why we give thanks when times are good.

Spider!

OK, so we have found the HUGEST spiders outside our house this fall! I have a couple pictures of this second one. The first one built its web on our front porch, between the waist-high railing and the eavespout, and the second built its web between the ground and the first branch of a small tree in our yard. I don't know what they were intending to catch - cicadas? ground squirrels? tree squirrels? - but they're enormous!!

Each spider was probably the size of a buckeye, and very 3D instead of flat and leggy. We found them when they were building their webs, and it was fascinating to watch them because they were actually very fast! I will admit to some remorse for killing them, but deep-down they totally creeped me out so they had to go. Travis did the honors with some raid spray that says it kills spiders... and I hope it actually does. The thought has crossed my mind that the first spider survived the initial assault and then moved to the backyard.

Here are a few pictures:

Yeah, that looks like such a pleasant scene, I know. But the little bright fleck at the bottom of the pine tree is actually the spider! and the web went from the ground to that tree branch, which is probably 6 feet off the ground, and then back over to the base of the tree! Crazy!

Too bad the Cyclones choked today. Travis blames play-calling, but I wasn't paying enough attention to the details of the game to be able to concur. It didn't feel like a McCarney loss, though, so I guess some different ISU-fan agony is nicer than the same old.

My beautiful daughter

Emily is SO pretty these days. I just can't get over how gorgeous she is. It's funny, because when she's around other people that she doesn't know well, she sucks her thumb and clings to me, and just observes, and then she seems kind of plain and quiet and that there's not much to her. So, it's hard to show her off. But when it's just us at home, or once she gets comfortable in new surroundings with new people, she just sparkles. She smiles and laughs and "converses," and she's so much fun! It's fun to see her little personality emerging as she grows.

I saw a friend's newborn baby today, and I am just amazed at how tiny he was! I can't believe Emily was ever that size - she seemed HUGE today in comparison. When I got there, he was awake and alert and fun to interact with, so it was an especially fun visit. Emily was hardly interested in him at all, but she got so excited at the dog that came to the door to greet us that she actually pooped herself. Hooray for diapers, I guess. Emily loves dogs! She giggles and shrieks whenever she sees one, and doesn't seem to be afraid at all, even when the sniff her or lick her toes. She also loves making silly faces (see pictures), and bathtime, and walking behind her little walker/cart. Now that she's spending more time upright - pulling up on things - I am amazed at how very tall she is!

Emily has now attended her first ISU football game. She was in the stands for a little less than one quarter, plus the pregame show. She especially enjoyed the ISUCF"V"MB pregame, with all the clapping and singing and colors and excitement. Once the football started, she just wanted to wiggle because there was nothing for her to do or see anymore. So, we left, and I put her to sleep at my grandparents house. We had a nice visit with them, and Travis had a good time at the game. It's sure more fun when they win, you know.