Work stuff

No baby stuff to talk about tonight, but I thought I'd ramble about goings on at good old Deere for a while.

I made some reference to this in a previous post, but things are getting shaken up at work. The other metallurgist at the plant has decided to take a different job in Waterloo. He was discouraged by the same things that make me question materials engineering as a career - there are almost no entry spots into management or senior technical positions, and when one does open up they either downgrade it or almost exclusively hire external candidates. It means basically we're stuck under some kind of promotional ceiling, and the only reward for learning new skills and accomplishing major projects is that the job gets a little easier, at which point they pile on a little more. So he's getting out of materials engineering and going into supply management instead, which appears to be a promotional slingshot, with the trend being promotions to management level in less than 3 years. I can't blame him, cuz he deserves to be moving up, but it puts me in a bind. Prior to this week I had been fiercely opposed to even considering doing any of his work, because he is already a grade-level higher than me, but it looks like that situation might right itself soon. ("Soon" in Deere's HR terms is like 3 months as opposed to NEVER.)

My department manager (who was awesome!) left in January - they haven't replaced her yet. Her boss, who is now my boss, has had openings in his department since last October that aren't filled yet. With that track record, I can't imagine that he'll have this metallurgist position filled any time soon, and in the meantime, I'll be doing the job of two people (Not to mention the new life I'm growing, which really does take a lot of daily energy). When ever this new person does come in, he/she will have only a matter of months to learn from a decreasingly mobile me before I go on maternity leave, meaning there will be one inexperienced person doing the job of two people. Chances are, I won't be caring at the time, but things will be crazy when (if?) I come back.

Oh, and to add to it, the furnace repairman (the only person in the plant who has enough technical and mechanical knowledge to fix a production-dependent heat treat furnace when it goes down) has decided to move to a "less stressful" position until he retires in October. Again, awesome deal for him, sucky for me. Maintenance has elected not to replace him, or even consider designating someone to whom he can pass his knowledge to. So if something goes wrong with the heat treat furnaces in, say, November, there will be absolutely nobody in the plant who has even a clue, and it takes at least 8 weeks to get a contractor in to start diagnosing the problem. I guess that's some Union thing that other people who get paid more than I do need to work out, but they can't say I didn't warn them.

So it will be an interesting summer at work. Things tend to come in waves - when one part fails, there's usually 4 or 5 other unrelated things that go wrong at the same time somewhere in the plant - so I guess I will just hope for big lulls. And kickass vacations!

17 weeks

Yesterday, Travis and I went for a bike ride, and I think we went about 17 miles. My biking clothes are similar to what I'm wearing in the picture below, and I had to keep making sure that my jersey was covering at least some of my protruding gut when we'd stop and stand. I could feel my legs starting to touch my stomach while I was pedaling, even. But today my legs felt great - I'm so glad I've got something like biking that he and I can do together on beautiful days like yesterday. My seat is a bit sore, but I'll get through that. :)

Can you believe that my everyday clothes can fool people into thinking I don't look pregnant? I had to show off my belly specifically this weekend, because my sister, my parents, travis's parents, nobody was convinced that I looked pregnant. Judge for yourself!! (Okay in this picture I look more stoned than anything, but let's focus on the baby, people.)

Well, I guess this picture represents me at the end of the day, and I've been eating a LOT during the day so some of that is probably the Ghardetto's or granola bars I've been snarfing.

...Have you ever seen me so FAT??? :)

Movement!

I wish I had posted this as soon as I felt it, but last Tuesday I felt the baby move for the first time! Travis and I were installing the new dishwasher, so when I felt the fluttering just under my ribcage I grabbed his hand quickly and he felt it, too. It was really awesome. The baby kept at it for more than an hour, although since then I haven't felt much of that same movement. I've started to think I'm feeling things in what seems to be a more appropriate location, but I'm still not sure, trying to distinguish between my breathing, my heartbeat, and natural gurgling. Anyway, it's really in there! I haven't noticed this while sleeping on my stomach, but today I laid down on the floor, and instead of just my hips touching the floor there was this hard bump in the middle, too. I'll try to post a picture tomorrow.

This weekend was VEISHEA at ISU. It was a beautiful day yesterday, and we spent all day on campus. We met up with my parents, Travis's parents, some friends, and my sister and her 3 girls, who are spending the rest of the week up in Rockford with my parents. It was really fun. It was pretty sobering, though, seeing how exhausting it is to look after three very bright and adventurous little kids. Megan (born last September) by herself wasn't so intimidating, so I guess it's good that I get to start off one at a time. I'm still so exhausted from yesterday that I haven't done anything at all today, but my sister carries on, one day after another! Incredible.

And yesterday I confirmed it - I'm still a jerk. Being on a college campus, I saw lots of college students yesterday walking around. There were several girls that I decided appeared more pregnant than I do, but most likely are not. I wonder how long I can make that consolation last. :)

To work, or not to work...

***Disclaimer! If any of you never knew before that I'm quite insecure, you'll know it after this blog entry! And if you don't care to read the boring, whiney details of life as a metallurgist at John Deere, the baby stuff is in the last paragraph. :) ***

That is the question of the day, apparently.
One of my coworkers, whom I chat with frequently, started off the day by asking me if I had started looking at daycare or considered it yet. I told him NO I have no idea! I honestly haven't gotten there yet (because I haven't decided yet if I'll need to! but I didn't tell him that). Most of the rest of midmorning was filled with reminders of the crappy ordeal that I'm going through with HR right now. Basically, I should've had a promotion more than a year ago and they've had their heads too far up their asses to get it straightened out. The most frustrating thing about it is that it makes me question my competency even more - you would think the opposite would be true, and on rare occasions it is, where I think "I deserve this! I'm great and I work hard and you're not appreciating me like I should!" But most of the time I'm just fighting for it on the principle that the guy who has my old job in Minneapolis has the promotion that I should've had (which actually makes this 3 years overdue!). And when I make any little mistake, or hesitate in front of people who know that I really should know and that I don't (happens daily, at least), I get really down on myself and wonder why I'm even trying to get the promotion. And even once (or if) I do get it, the things I've learned about getting promoted in Deere manufacturing are so dismal that it's hard to even look ahead and see this as a career. That was my feeling heading into lunch today. (Okay, I was feeling hungry too, but that's a given.)

Then at lunch, the conversation centered around the only topic that could make my emotional work situation more difficult - the other metallurgist is looking for another job. That means that when anybody in Des Moines Works has questions about metals, they'll have to come to me. He's been at this for 8 years - I have only a year and a half under my belt, and those years of experience make a huge difference. There's stuff I just plain don't know, haven't encountered yet. So I'm really dreading him leaving just because it's going to be so hard when I become the sole resource for the plant, and I know I won't be able to solve the really hard problems. And obviously, HR is a bunch of idiots who don't know how to fill jobs so I'll probably be doing both his job and mine until I go on maternity.

This afternoon I got a few things done in the lab, just buried myself in work, and in the last two hours I solved 2 or 3 problems and was able to really help answer a question about steels specifications. It made me feel so much better about the place that I was actually feeling good when I left work. Just doing something helped prove to myself that I really am good enough, at least at the things I have experience with!! I actually felt smart - which, though fleeting, felt very good.

So, with all those emotions about work, do I leave it behind? Or come back for more in January?
I am really getting bigger now, at a much faster rate than before. I'll post another picture this weekend, so you'll see. I am assuming that the weight I'm putting on is baby weight because I'm hungry a lot, and before in my life whenever I've gained weight it was eating too much of the wrong things, and not out of hunger. But I've been eating relatively healthfully (if you discount the Mike'n'Ikes), and constantly!! I left work yesterday just because I was hungry, and after a substantial snack I was still hungry for dinnertime. I can say now that my weight is in uncharted territory for me - nearly150 for the first time ever. yikes! I haven't felt the baby move yet, but it seems to enjoy jumping on my bladder, especially when I just stand up. I am still able to avoid maternity pants, and my belly seems to be growing over my waistband on the few pairs of pants that I can wear to work, so I'm going to milk that as long as I can. In another week or two, I'll bet people will be able to tell, just seeing me in regular clothes. Ohhhh boy...

blogbligation

Yes, I made a up that word, and I say that it means: blogging because you feel obligated to. I like it! I suppose it's really a way of saying that most of what follows is just babble (yes, more so than usual).

This is the end of my first 3-day weekend since January, and I have absolutely loved it! I was super productive on Friday and I cleaned (really, like with soap and everything) the bathrooms, my bedroom, the kitchen, and the entryways. My new swiffer wetjet is pretty slick, although the perfume in the soap made my house smell like purple. Yes, purple - I'm sure you can imagine. Yesterday, I did nothing, and probably watched too much TV because my head kind of hurt a little, but it was worth it. One of my favorite Office Space quotes: "I did nothing, and it was everything I thought it could be."

Today, Travis and I bought a new dishwasher. A few weeks ago we found out that our current one has been recalled because it could start our house on fire - a neat trick for a water-filled appliance, I thought. Today we found a good sale and got the same Maytag that we bought and then had to leave behind in Minnesota. That may be the extent of my productivity today, although this morning I did sort through more of the baby/maternity stuff from my sister. Included were 3 lists of suggestions for What You'll Need To Register For, and I was so intimidated by the sight of them that I didn't read anything on them yet, just put them in the "learn later / reference info" pile. But I'm less creeped out by the sight of a onesie now... onezey, wonzie... Guess I still need to learn to spell it. (would Jay-Z's kid wear One-Z's?) And yesterday, during my lounging, I was resting with my hands over my belly, thinking how nice it is that Baby is in there. Not out yet, but not nowhere, just there. I was inexplicably entertained - it was great.

And if it weren't so freaking cold outside, I'd go for a walk! I don't think it's reached 40° in a week here, which is absolutely stupid. I guess what's stupider is to hear people say such brilliant things as, "Global warming? What global warming??" when you get a cold snap. It's tempting to reply to those ignoramuses that it's the same global warming that's melting glaciers and reducing the habitat of polar bears and thousands of other species, but the opening comment has already made it evident they're too hopelessly ignorant to waste any more time on. I'm ashamed to have wasted this blogspace to them. Anyway, I'm wishing it were rainy and miserable so I'd feel appropriately trapped in my house, but instead it is sunny and beautiful outside, and it's taunting me: "Come on, it's nice out! How cold can it be when it's this sunny and beautiful? A light jacket will be plenty... HAHAHA it's FREAKING COLD! Fooled you!!!"

I have to quit now, because personifying the weather is clearly a low point for anyone. Time to find another relaxing way to end my weekend. Happy Easter, all!

The much awaited event:

It's April!!! Hooray!!! The grass is green, the weather is full of thunderstorms and warm breezes, and Baby has loosened its death grip on my intestines. Could the world get any better?

I know you all have been wanting to see this picture but have been too kind to beg for it, so here it is. This is as attractive as I get when I take my own time-delayed picture at the end of a Monday, btw.

Honestly, I could suck it in a bit more, but I tried to focus on a natural state and this is what came about. Also note the huge boobs. You all know me well enough to know they've never reached past the plane of my huge nose before - look at 'em go!!!!

I am at week 14 - officially second trimester. Baby is the size of a clenched fist now, and pretty much has all the necessary components to be a real person after all its first trimester development. I'm told that the second trimester is all about growth (more so than development) - apparently both for Baby and for me. So, one pound a week, here I come!! (ready or not - eep!)

I had a pregnancy-related event today at work that made me laugh for a good hour, at least. My wonderful sister has lent (lended?) me some pants to wear while I'm getting larger and having a hard time finding things for work. I put on a pair of satiny soft black pants this morning, and I noticed the waist was a little snug but I figured I would be all right for the day. By about 9:00 I was regretting it and went for the rubberband for the top button. "Ahhh, much better." A bit later, as I was sitting at my desk, I looked down to marvel (confused, a bit) at how much that rubber band had helped, to see that the zipper had completely broken - the slide had come up off the top, and the seam then tore apart. "Ohhh!! No wonder they felt so much better!!" My only option (besides one which would render impossible the inevitable 6 trips to the bathroom remaining in the day) was to drive home home to change pants. So I did, and called my sister, laughing. "I'm sorry I ruined your pants!" "I'm sorry I gave you defective pants!" and so on, with much all-around ridiculousness. I suppose, when considering the alternatives, that today's events were possibly the best reason a person would need to go home in the middle of the day to change her pants. Or, the least awful, rather.

I can't say why, but that whole thing sure brightened my day. I also won $20 for making 13 free-throws in a row. It seems my attempts to give to charitable fundraising events at work are a bit futile when I come out at a profit (I think I only chipped in $3), but I did try! And only one other person in the plant made more in a row, although if my brother would've shown up he would've easily kicked my tail.

All in all, April is off to a pretty good start. I hope it is where you are, too!

A lengthy entry on a sensitive subject

It's 9:00 on a Saturday... and I've just put on my stretchy pants while Hubby goes to a house party. Hmm, not exactly how the song goes. :) It's okay - I'm happy to blog with the windows open and the smell of a spring thunderstorm about me. The sensitive subect: Travis and I have been talking for a long time (longer than I've been pregnant) about baptizing our children. So, tonight, I share with you all some of my thoughts, and welcome your comments.

In my email inbox tonight was the bi-weekly newsletter that I get from Collegiate Methodist church in Ames where Trav and I got married. I also get the newsletter from my home church (Lutheran, ELCA) in Rockford, and I enjoy reading the note from the pastor when I get them. You may or may not know this about me, but that's about all the religious introspection I do anymore. I haven't been to church on an average Sunday since probably college, though I do go with Travis's family (Catholic) when they go. In their church I have graduated to kneeling instead of staying seated, not because I am feeling more welcomed as a Protestant but because in that tiny church it is awkward to kneel while someone is kneeling behind you, breathing down your neck. The amazing thing about that church - Trav's mom and other ladies from the church held the nicest, most welcoming bridal shower for me, and every time I am there, I'm recognized and talked to like an old friend. Wonderful people there - but still an exclusive Members Only feel, with all the genuflecting and the exclusive communion. I know it's just a Catholic thing, but it's one of the many reasons Travis is okay with leaving Catholicism.

I am playing my violin in the pit orchestra for a co-worker's church (E-Free) in Ames for their Palm Sunday production next weekend. This co-worker wears Promise Keepers polos to work and although he is not in any way overbearing or evangelical at work, he is obviously a person of conservative, unquestioning faith. He's quite possibly the only scientist I know that is 100% Creationist, and he is adamant that religious doctrine should be taught in public schools. I am careful to avoid any religious discussion with him, not because I dread the proselytizing but because I'm afraid of what I would say in outrage and complete disagreement. :) I do feel just a bit guilty about being paid to play in this service, since I am pretty sure his wife is playing trumpet in the pit unpaid as a member of the church, but it's quite a drive up to Ames and I can't see myself going to this church for any other reason. Really not my cup of tea. I do wonder what his kids are learning, and how they will come of age with those teachings to draw on.

So those are the things I consider when I think about my faith. Raised Lutheran, married a Catholic in a Methodist church, and not much since then. I've talked some with my parents about how they chose the Lutheran church, and they said it's because that's where many of their friends were going and it was the only church in town with a choir - not exactly a decision based on doctrine or deep faith. All my life, discussions with them about faith have been intellectual rather than belief-based, which is also what I liked about Collegiate in Ames. When I get interested in the Bible, it's mostly out of historical and proverbial sense - not so much for faith or praise. And let's face it - I lead a charmed life. I haven't really ever dealt with death, catastrophe, or even major disappointments for a good long while, so I haven't even missed having a faith to fall back on as people so often do (I am the anti-Job, apparently). Even with my accident last summer, when I marveled at how easily I could've been hurt worse or even killed, and I knew so many people were praying for me, I wasn't drawn into deep belief. I did think about it at the time, and my thoughts were, "Wow, God must love me, and there must be a good reason I wasn't more seriously hurt. I'll see what that is as my life goes on," and that was all.

I am also fortunate that in my discussions with Travis, we're pretty much on the same page on all of this so no matter where we go, I feel good that we're on the journey together. He and I both have a respect for people of faith and for those who actively serve their churches, but kind of in the same way that I respect counselors and social workers and other people who lead lives of service to others. We don't want to just go through the motions, "punch the ticket" every week, but for right now we're not sure where we want to go from here.

I know it will be important to Trav's parents that our baby is baptized, and I am fairly confident they're not concerned if it's not a Catholic baptism as long as it's a baptism (I could not ask for more wonderful in-laws). My parents would probably be okay with no baptism (surprised, but probably okay), though I think my extended family may not like it as well. Really, I do want to raise my child as a person of faith. I have no doubt my kid will be intellectually curious, so I want to make sure I do everything to foster a healthy relationship with God since so many of the most brilliant people I know (that's you, my friends) have confided in me that conflicts about belief in Christianity added even more turmoil and internal strife to growing up. And who needed more, really?!?! I suppose it's to be expected, but it doesn't seem necessary.

So do I seek out a church now, just to find something suitable to get the kid dunked before it becomes an issue with the families? If I don't now, will I ever? Will my kid feel weird when he goes to school and other kids all go to Sunday School but he/she doesn't? I'm very hesitant about sending my kids to Sunday School since I don't want them being taught crazy things about sin, or how the Devil is a real thing or that God only loves or forgives Christians. I don't believe any of those things, I don't believe they are essential to being a Christian, and I really think they can screw up an introspective kid as he/she becomes ready to come into his/herself as a person of faith. I want to have religious discussions with my kids, but I don't want sole responsibility - I'm certainly not qualified to homeschool on that topic. Does anybody know of a nerdy, liberal church nearby?? :)

Tomorrow will be another Sunday where I sleep in late and then read the entire paper. I'm going to enjoy these pre-kid Sundays as precious days to get a full night's sleep, and really revel in it since I know they are numbered. But as that countdown goes, so slips away the time I have to make many of these decisions.

Thanks for taking the time to read all of this! There'll be more entertaining pregnancy talk later.