It's been several months since Poppo died, and I think it is a good time for me to write down everything I can about my memories with him. I don't want to miss anything, but I the emotions have settled a bit and I can focus on the joy of things instead of just how much I miss him. Emily took a lot of pictures of him at Clara's 1st birthday last spring, and it's a nice way for her to have a personal connection with him. For me, it's a reminder that he LIVED EVERY DAY, right up until he stopped living. His books in his house had bookmarks in them and notes in the margins - he was constantly learning. He was computer savvy, emailing often, he carried a cellphone in his pocket and even had just joined facebook! As fast as the world changed, he kept up and stayed in contact. Mommo sent out her Christmas card this year with the picture of the two of them, taken mid-summer, because they had already decided that was the picture they would use. It's absolutely adorable, the joy and love apparent on their faces. Mommo's grin is the same one you see on a young girl who just got engaged. I like to keep that in my head as the freeze frame while the final credits go past.
When I was really little, I loved to climb on Poppo's lap and he would tickle us. He always kissed us on the cheek, slurpy and noisy, 6 or 8 times, over the top affection. When I found out he was a doctor (he held a ph d in psychology) I was afraid to cough around him, thinking he was a medical doctor and I didn't want him to think I was sick!! So for a while I'm sure I was acting weird around him but he never pushed me, always just let me be the kid that I wanted to be. (Which was a very weird one. who's surprised?! :) )
When I was in grade school, I spent two weeks each summer going to a program called Super Summer, which a program offered to high-ability students for things like creative writing, photography, acting, etc.. I stayed with Mommo and Poppo for those two weeks, and he drove me out there to class at Ames High School each day (Mommo packed my lunch, I remember!). I vividly remember those commutes, because I would play with the electric windows in their new car (an '89 Buick!). It was so fun because those controls had a nice click to them, and any car I'd been in before had manual window cranks and a mother telling me not to mess around with them. But Poppo didn't care, and his window was always down anyway so he could spit out tremendous loogies out as he drove. It's actually not easy to do without getting spit all down the side of the car, but he was a pro and my cousin and I laughed and laughed every time he did it. He was a pretty aggressive driver back then, too, so that trip was always really fun. That Buick is the same one I would borrow to drive back home when I was in college, until I got my own car. He would pick me up in that car when I lived in Helser, and I would throw my laundry in the backseat and chat to him about how school was going, and what fun I had been up to. Mommo would have Sunday dinner for me, while I did laundry and studied, and then Poppo would take me back to the dorms with my basket of clean clothes.
I lived in their basement for two summers, after my freshman and sophomore years at ISU, just like my siblings each did for at least one summer. I loved that bedroom in the basement, full of books. It made it feel like a library, with those unique acoustics! I never read any of the them, though, because the titles were all so intimidating and academic. But there is also a banner hanging on a wall, with a picture of Snoopy on top of his doghouse, and the quote, "This has been a good day." At that time in my life, I was really growing into myself and of course there was lots of drama and all the self-introspection that goes along with it. Reading that banner always made me feel more at ease, like I could get my head above all the day-to-day stresses and realize there's nothing "real" that was wrong. Travis lived with Mommo and Poppo for a few weeks, in 2005 when he had started grad school at ISU but I hadn't moved from Minneapolis yet. I was so jealous, but also very glad that he had a chance to share an experience that was so special to me growing up. I feel like he got to know my grandparents as people, not just the old people who were always at my family gatherings.
Poppo's garden was amazing. He had vegetables and flowers and raspberries, and cherry tree, and redbud trees that volunteered all over the place - I have two of them in my backyard that are transplanted "weeds." I loved picking raspberries - black, red, and yellow! Mmm!!! and eating raspberry shortcake on the porch. He would offer me kohlrabi and radishes and green beans, but I usually stuck with raspberries and cookies to take back to my dorm room with me. And his flowers, indoors and out, were beautiful. Any time there were blooming things, they would have vases and potted plants out that they were actively admiring. "Have you ever seen such a lovely boogumwhatzihoozit?" No, really, I have not. They were all outrageously colorful and big and beautiful, and I have no idea what they were. Poppo was always offering potted plants to me, but I just couldn't take them because I knew I would kill them, and if I left them in his care they would flourish and be truly appreciated. I nearly killed a Norfolk Island Pine by leaving it in my dorm room over Christmas break (and probably not watering it for most of the previous fall semester), but he resurrected it, amazingly.
We opened our Christmas presents at their house nearly every year, with my aunt's family. So, 5 grandchildren opened presents together, and after we were done, the adults would exchange. Mommo was always so busy looking at other presents that she wouldn't open her own, and Poppo would gently remind her, and hand them to her. That was his role for Mommo, was taking care of the details so she could enjoy the moment. He did it after meals, when he cleared the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen while Mommo sat and enjoyed her guests, or her dessert (or both!!). He knew she put a lot of effort into cooking delicious homemade meals and desserts from scratch, so afterwards he jumped into action. Mommo says he could have sat and enjoyed the company too, but he was too antsy to let the mess sit there. I can still hear him telling me "Save your fork, hon" because there's a plate of something delicious headed my way for dessert.
One of the things that my daughters remember about Poppo is something that I told them that I remember from being a kid. When he would burp, he would say the word as he did it - BUUURP. Writing that story doesn't do justice to the memory like saying it out loud does! The girls laugh about it and think about him whenever somebody burps outrageously. I have no idea if he would approve of that legacy but it's sticking with them!
When Emily was very small, Poppo would come to stay with us overnight a few times each spring, because he was serving on a committee that would meet for several days in a row in Des Moines. He felt he was too old to make that long of a drive daily in winter weather (he was nearly 90 at that time), so he would stay at our house for the night in between. On one visit, Emily asked him to read The Little Engine That Could to her, and it's a tremendously long book and it was hard for him to read in the dim light of our living room, but he did. And afterwards, he said that he remembered his mother reading that exact same book to his younger brother. So, one book ties together 4 generations. I will make sure Emily knows that story when she reads it to her children someday.
Poppo wore a lot of cologne - more and more as he got older. I was always sure to give hugs when I left their house, and for the rest of the day, I could smell his cologne on my clothes and in my hair. The last day I saw him, I hugged him goodbye very briefly because I had planned to be back at their house later in the afternoon. Plans changed, though, and we didn't make it back there that day, and three days later he was gone. That brief hug, with him in a chair, is all I have. No multi-smooches, just a quick squeeze and out the door with my chaotic family. He had really been getting frail over the past few months, and when we arrived that morning, he was on his way out to go to the store to get bread, because Bette wanted bread for sandwiches for lunch. I was wracked with guilt because we weren't staying for lunch and I didn't want her to have to cook for us, but here Mommo was sending him to the store while we were there, and I wanted him to sit and visit and be with the kids. But I didn't offer to do the store run for him because I knew that he liked feeling useful - if you take away a person's usefulness, what do they have left? So by the time he got back, he really only spent about half an hour with my kids before we had to leave. He commented that Clara was really walking well - she had been for several months, so I again felt guilty as he mentioned it that I hadn't been bringing my kids by their place often enough for him to notice. And yet, my family is such a zoo, I didn't want to bring such stressors into their house... anyway, three days later, Dan and I drove to Ames to be with him in the hospital as his body shut down and our family gathered to say goodbye. I held his hand and told him I would miss smelling his cologne in my hair as a reminder that I had seen him that day. I told him I would miss him calling me sweeting and kissing my cheek when he greeted me, and watching him wave goodbye to me as I drove away from their house. I may get teary-eyed the rest of my life when I recall the end of his funeral service, as everyone in the congregation stood and waved to him, as had had done for possibly every single person there as they parted. My cousin sang and I played a duet during the service, which I held it together for, but I flat-out sobbed when following his casket out the back of the church. The same church that Travis and I got married in, that my parents got married in, and that Audrey was baptized in, with Mommo and Poppo as her sponsors. I can't imagine that that memory will ever grow so faded that I don't tear up when it comes to mind.
Poppo is buried at the ISU cemetery. He was on the committee that organized a lot of renovations at the cemetery, and planned the memorial day service there for many years (I played taps for it during the two summers I lived with them). It is a very small place, with headstones that match the names of the most important buildings on campus - Beardshear, Curtiss, Marston, and so on. It is reserved for faculty, but does not allow advance reservations, and once it is full, it's full. And it may be full now, because there was only one open plot left after Poppo's was purchased. That is one of many reasons that it seems like he knew that it was time to go, and since it was time, it was time - no drawn-out fuss, just say goodbye. I haven't been there to visit since the funeral... in my mind, it seems complete as it was and I don't want to add to those memories yet. It was absolutely a beautiful September day. Everyone there was focused on celebrating what an amazing person he was and what a life he had. After the church service, I had told Emily to stay with her Sullivan grandparents while I was a pallbearer with my cousins and siblings, but she straggled loose and found herself in between the casket and the followers, of which Mommo was of course at the front. Emily walked quietly and somberly behind, and Mommo saw her and was incredibly touched at the sight of the "Littlest Pallbearer." I know the real reason is less dramatic, that she just wandered into someplace she wasn't supposed to be, but it meant a lot to Mommo. And I like thinking that Poppo had spent his professional life dedicated to the well-being of children and education of hose who care for them, so it was very fitting to have a single child follow him out of the church where he had held years of parenting classes. It was like she was representing all those children whose lives he had bettered.
After the burial, there was lunch in the basement, where I remembered he and Mommo so loved to go to Wednesday night soup suppers and Sunday Spud Lunches. They always invited me to go, and paid heftily into the donation basket to cover my costs too. I got to tell that story, and a few others, as everybody had a chance at the open mike to tell stories about him. My favorite was the last one, told by my aunt Janie, about how he and Mommo had gone to visit his boyhood home in Burlington or Ft. Madison, I forget which. He had been so impressed that the current family had let him into their home so he could see the inside and reminisce. Mommo said she wasn't that surprised, and that if someone had come to her door and said he'd grown up there, she would certainly let him inside to look around! Poppo replied to her, "Like hell you would, Bette! We built this place!" And my mind is left ringing with the laugh of him and Mommo together, along with his gentle patient voice, reassuring and calming. On the phone, I would always try to be specific as to when we would arrive for a visit, or with whatever details I was conveying, and he would always reply, "Fine, fine. We'll be here. Okay, bye bye!" And Travis and I laugh together over remembering him saying, "Well goodness sake!!" wondering if that was ever less G-rated when he was in the Marines. :) I would imagine it was just the same. I am sure there was probably a side of him that I never knew, since 2/3 of his life had passed before I even existed, but he was always a constant for me. And how lucky I am that such a portion of our lives overlapped. And that he got to be a part of my children's lives - not just meet them, but know them and be amazed by them, and they'll remember him too. What I wouldn't give for one more cologne-heavy hug!
...and I have to stop now. My kids are wondering why I'm crying! I will add to this as I come up with other memories that pop up. Like the rotten potato story that preceded him joining the Marines, and how he cruised around the South Pacific islands when stationed on Peleliu. And the joy of seeing him personally greet everyone who came to his 90th birthday party. And his smug smile after making a particularly good joke, or talking about something he liked especially. And his favorite candy: malted milk balls from the candy shop in Wilton. He loved Scheherezade and Rachmaninoff's piano concerto (excellent choices, IMHO). And how he would fall asleep, head drooping or leaned back with mouth agape, at nearly every gathering. And his fur hat that he wore in the winter and the cap he wore in the summer. And him holding Mommo's hand, holding the door for her, helping her down stairs, into their car, getting her coat on. And how he offered to take my dinner plate back to my table for me at my wedding. And on and on...
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Um, hi!
So, this probably represents my longest break in blogging since I started 7+ years ago. Things have been busy. I'm now faced with what to even put here... Thanksgiving, Christmas, MLK have all passed with many memorable and fun things that happened. I've thought of lots of things I want to put here, but our computer was being repaired for most of January so I didn't even bother to start an entry. I really wanted to write an entry dedicated to the memory of my grandfather, since at the time of his death things were so hectic and the grief was so fresh I couldn't really put it all together. I hope that post will be something I can do soon. I visited Mommo yesterday, and was so impressed with how she handles living on her own at age 94. I think it's the fear that would get to me, but she is unafraid. She is very careful, very meticulous, and finds joy in places most of us overlook, which does a lot to mask the constant ache of missing him. I can feel it, too, especially in their house. I don't think it'll ever go away...
Anyway, as is standard, for tonight I'll go with a brief rundown of each kid.
Clara has a few more words than previous posting. She is willing to echo back words that are one-syllable and start with B, so: book, ball, boot, bowl... She spontaneously asked me to help her get her sweatshirt "off" one day, much to my delight! So, we're getting there. The other day, she ran in to the bathroom saying "poop," so I took off her diaper (skidmark) and she did her business, happily returning to play. It was incredible. I guess I could potty train her any day now, but I think I'll wait until my own attitude improves, considering the other two are still requiring so much reminding and tutorials in how to not gamble until the last second (they lose), or how to not leave poop all over the toilet seat while cleaning up oneself. This whole excrement-management business is TRICKY. Anyway, Clara is very snuggly and cuddly and will give me the most fabulous smoochy kisses!! This morning she went back to sleep after I brought her to my bed at 6:20 AM, and we snoozed together quite awhile. it was glorious. Her only issue now is lacking words to express her increasingly complex desires, and the resulting head-splitting screams she emits when she's temporarily maddened by something are incredible. But, she dances, she smiles, she snuggles and kisses and is 100% made of love. Er, I guess she's 99.9% love and 0.1% screams. Whatever, I'll take it. :)
Audrey is reading just about everything these days. Nearly all the children's books are fair game, as are emails and texts that she reads over my shoulder (not cool, kiddo...) She is confident in her reading and prefers to do it over just about any other activity, including playing with another 4YO girl and a Barbie DreamHouse at New Year's Eve. I found her away from all the other kids, behind the couch, reading books. She is the epitome of girly girl, loving make-up and spending entire COLD days dressed up as Tinkerbell (insisting we call her by that name, even) or in her snowflake ballerina outfit. She evaluates the clothes and hair of women she sees everywhere, including a homeowner on This Old House (Ooo, I like her flipflops!!). She sings with confidence and perfect pitch over nearly two octave range. She was reading One Morning in Maine the other day, replacing every mention of the title character, Sal, with her own name, and Sal's little sister Jane's name with Clara. And she is just lovely to be around. She and I generally get along really well; even if she is feeling stubborn about something, she is remarkably good about communicating just what it is that's troubling her, and then we can compromise or weed out just the part she doesn't like. It's pretty awesome.
Emily is a bit intimidated by Audrey's freakish reading abilities, but I'm trying several different tactics on her. I've tried telling her that Audrey is a reader but Emily is my writer, and encouraging her to write notes to me, which I absolutely love to get! I've told her that she will get good at reading if she keeps trying at school; everybody gets good at it, at her own pace, and it doesn't matter to me what she does at home as long as she is happy when she IS reading. I've also pointed out that Audrey has nearly all day every day to sit at home and read, whereas Emily gets to do things like gym class and math and recess and music class. Once she has practiced as much as Audrey has driven herself to, she'll be good at it too. Emily has been playing her piano more, since she learned Jingle Bells at Christmastime. We don't schedule lessons, but she has about 4 songs written down in a little booklet, and she gives herself a checkmark each time she plays each one. When she has 4 checkmarks, she plays them for me and we pick out new songs to practice. I told her if she works hard at piano and learns to play songs, then she can play my little half-size violin. She also wants to sing in the Heartland Youth Choir, and we went to a rehearsal to see what it was about. It looks like SO much fun, but it's a bigger commitment than I want to sign my kindergartener up for, so we're saving that for next fall (it's 1st and 2nd graders anyway). It'd be nice if she'd want to do some kind of athletic thing, but I'll let her jump on board with whatever her friends are doing whenever it seems fun to her, softball, soccer... I would even take her to cheerleading if that's really what she wanted. As much as a dippy thing it seems to me, I can't crush her completely! We butt heads enough as it is, with her continuing compulsion to complete her intentions, no matter how much someone is screaming at her to get her hands off from around her sister's neck, or other such pressing situations. My new take on it, over the past few weeks, is to try to give her a way out of a situation that allows her to make the good choice as though it were her idea, or at least without the forced admission that she must do what I want her to do. I don't need to win the battle, I just need to keep her sisters from being strangled. That's helping a little but I have a lot of work to do for it to be effective all the time. One of my favorite things from this winter was hearing from Emily's teacher that she had told everyone in her class a fantastic story about moving into a stranger's mansion for the weekend, doing arts & crafts. Her description of our Minneapolis Reunion was HILARIOUS. I am so glad her teacher emailed me, because I laughed and laughed. And it was a good reminder that Emily sees the world in a very different way than I do, and it's not necessarily wrong. She spent the entire drive home from Ames last night asking me questions about outer space: "Why is the moon round? and the earth? Why is Pluto not a planet anymore? Why is outer space cold? Why is some air cold and some air warm?" Emily may not fancy herself to be a reader, but she is absolutely a scientist. I tried really hard to answer her questions completely but simply, and I think I did all right because she just kept coming back at me with related but more complex questions. Her sisters were asleep, but her little brain was working really hard!!
I have been getting up early in the mornings to do some exercises in the basement, using an app on my phone to direct me since I'm terribly unclever and lazy at 6 AM. I think it's been doing some good, because I had been seeing a chiropractor every other week due to lower back pain. I have terribly crooked hips and poor posture, so the strengthening exercises should help with both. I am hoping it helps my attitude and energy level, too, and gets me ready to hit the beach in Thailand in April!! Travis and I are taking a celebratory 10-year anniversary trip together, leaving the kids with grandparents while we're gone. It's going to be awesome!!
Anyway, as is standard, for tonight I'll go with a brief rundown of each kid.
Clara has a few more words than previous posting. She is willing to echo back words that are one-syllable and start with B, so: book, ball, boot, bowl... She spontaneously asked me to help her get her sweatshirt "off" one day, much to my delight! So, we're getting there. The other day, she ran in to the bathroom saying "poop," so I took off her diaper (skidmark) and she did her business, happily returning to play. It was incredible. I guess I could potty train her any day now, but I think I'll wait until my own attitude improves, considering the other two are still requiring so much reminding and tutorials in how to not gamble until the last second (they lose), or how to not leave poop all over the toilet seat while cleaning up oneself. This whole excrement-management business is TRICKY. Anyway, Clara is very snuggly and cuddly and will give me the most fabulous smoochy kisses!! This morning she went back to sleep after I brought her to my bed at 6:20 AM, and we snoozed together quite awhile. it was glorious. Her only issue now is lacking words to express her increasingly complex desires, and the resulting head-splitting screams she emits when she's temporarily maddened by something are incredible. But, she dances, she smiles, she snuggles and kisses and is 100% made of love. Er, I guess she's 99.9% love and 0.1% screams. Whatever, I'll take it. :)
Audrey is reading just about everything these days. Nearly all the children's books are fair game, as are emails and texts that she reads over my shoulder (not cool, kiddo...) She is confident in her reading and prefers to do it over just about any other activity, including playing with another 4YO girl and a Barbie DreamHouse at New Year's Eve. I found her away from all the other kids, behind the couch, reading books. She is the epitome of girly girl, loving make-up and spending entire COLD days dressed up as Tinkerbell (insisting we call her by that name, even) or in her snowflake ballerina outfit. She evaluates the clothes and hair of women she sees everywhere, including a homeowner on This Old House (Ooo, I like her flipflops!!). She sings with confidence and perfect pitch over nearly two octave range. She was reading One Morning in Maine the other day, replacing every mention of the title character, Sal, with her own name, and Sal's little sister Jane's name with Clara. And she is just lovely to be around. She and I generally get along really well; even if she is feeling stubborn about something, she is remarkably good about communicating just what it is that's troubling her, and then we can compromise or weed out just the part she doesn't like. It's pretty awesome.
Emily is a bit intimidated by Audrey's freakish reading abilities, but I'm trying several different tactics on her. I've tried telling her that Audrey is a reader but Emily is my writer, and encouraging her to write notes to me, which I absolutely love to get! I've told her that she will get good at reading if she keeps trying at school; everybody gets good at it, at her own pace, and it doesn't matter to me what she does at home as long as she is happy when she IS reading. I've also pointed out that Audrey has nearly all day every day to sit at home and read, whereas Emily gets to do things like gym class and math and recess and music class. Once she has practiced as much as Audrey has driven herself to, she'll be good at it too. Emily has been playing her piano more, since she learned Jingle Bells at Christmastime. We don't schedule lessons, but she has about 4 songs written down in a little booklet, and she gives herself a checkmark each time she plays each one. When she has 4 checkmarks, she plays them for me and we pick out new songs to practice. I told her if she works hard at piano and learns to play songs, then she can play my little half-size violin. She also wants to sing in the Heartland Youth Choir, and we went to a rehearsal to see what it was about. It looks like SO much fun, but it's a bigger commitment than I want to sign my kindergartener up for, so we're saving that for next fall (it's 1st and 2nd graders anyway). It'd be nice if she'd want to do some kind of athletic thing, but I'll let her jump on board with whatever her friends are doing whenever it seems fun to her, softball, soccer... I would even take her to cheerleading if that's really what she wanted. As much as a dippy thing it seems to me, I can't crush her completely! We butt heads enough as it is, with her continuing compulsion to complete her intentions, no matter how much someone is screaming at her to get her hands off from around her sister's neck, or other such pressing situations. My new take on it, over the past few weeks, is to try to give her a way out of a situation that allows her to make the good choice as though it were her idea, or at least without the forced admission that she must do what I want her to do. I don't need to win the battle, I just need to keep her sisters from being strangled. That's helping a little but I have a lot of work to do for it to be effective all the time. One of my favorite things from this winter was hearing from Emily's teacher that she had told everyone in her class a fantastic story about moving into a stranger's mansion for the weekend, doing arts & crafts. Her description of our Minneapolis Reunion was HILARIOUS. I am so glad her teacher emailed me, because I laughed and laughed. And it was a good reminder that Emily sees the world in a very different way than I do, and it's not necessarily wrong. She spent the entire drive home from Ames last night asking me questions about outer space: "Why is the moon round? and the earth? Why is Pluto not a planet anymore? Why is outer space cold? Why is some air cold and some air warm?" Emily may not fancy herself to be a reader, but she is absolutely a scientist. I tried really hard to answer her questions completely but simply, and I think I did all right because she just kept coming back at me with related but more complex questions. Her sisters were asleep, but her little brain was working really hard!!
I have been getting up early in the mornings to do some exercises in the basement, using an app on my phone to direct me since I'm terribly unclever and lazy at 6 AM. I think it's been doing some good, because I had been seeing a chiropractor every other week due to lower back pain. I have terribly crooked hips and poor posture, so the strengthening exercises should help with both. I am hoping it helps my attitude and energy level, too, and gets me ready to hit the beach in Thailand in April!! Travis and I are taking a celebratory 10-year anniversary trip together, leaving the kids with grandparents while we're gone. It's going to be awesome!!
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Bright kids
I went to their parent-teacher conferences last week, and Emily's was pretty much as I expected. She's meeting all expectations for Kindergarteners, and in some respects has achieved all that is required of K-ers for the entire year. Her teacher likes to tell her that she's "a reader" now, and it's fun to reinforce that at home, too, because I can see that Emily gets a little kick of pride out of it. Which is nice because Audrey actually has an easier time reading sometimes, and I can see that that deflates Emily just a little when she sees that. (What can I say - Audrey enjoys it more and practices more! that's what happens...) Her teacher also said that Emily is a bit of a leader in the classroom, but not bossy, that everyone likes to play with her and they seek her out for fun ideas and creativity. Awesome! Not only is my kid enjoying school, but school is enjoying her back.
Audrey's was a bit more interesting - not in a negative way, just very surprising. Her teacher told us she thought it was great that Audrey loves books so much, that she'll pick up her favorites and go off in a corner and read them. She said she's really smart (duh) and has great ideas, and the best dimples ever (again, duh!). She likes playing with other kids but she's pretty quiet and keeps to herself most of the time. She said she'd like it if Audrey could open up a little more, participate in circle time and maybe sing with the class, at which point Travis's jaw dropped to the floor, because Audrey wasn't singing?!?!?! When does that happen??? This girl is so funny. She sits quietly with her hands in her lap, won't even do the actions along with the other kids! When confronted with someone unfamiliar, she sits with her head down and won't let that person see her face (which happened at the dentist, and upon re-meeting her uncle Pat, too. We're familiar with that shyness!). I was pleased that the teacher said she's emphasizing free play and socializing for Audrey, since obviously academically she's getting everything she needs. And that she said she doesn't push Audrey to not be shy, but rather just checks on her to make sure she's fine, and knows she's safe, but doesn't tell her to be something she isn't. phew! And then she said she loves art, and showed us her scarecrow up on the wall. Audrey's stood out from all the rest - some of them didn't have faces, some had basic smilies, but Audrey's had full, gorgeously-shaped lips with big round eyes AND eyelashes. Hilarious!! What a funny girl!!
Meanwhile, at home, Emily has absolutely been driving me nuts lately. I know I should be careful to keep my expectations of my kids in check, because they can be SO capable that when they aren't, it's irritating. but really, when you're around anyone, you expect certain things, like, if you're having a reasonable conversation about whether something should or shouldn't happen, and you make your case and the other person is quiet, you'd assume they agreed, right? No, it just means she wanted to do that thing SO MUCH that she went ahead and did it anyway. Too many examples to cite here. It even got to the point where I asked Emily why she bothered asking me if she was just going to ignore me anyway? Probably the wrong question to ask a very literal little girl, because I DO want some way of knowing that she's intending to be up to no good! I don't know what to change, but Travis's thought is that all I can change is my reaction so I might as well just not get angry when she does things like that. My mom thinks I've put too much responsibility onto her as the oldest, and I come down harder on her for failings than I do her sisters because of that responsibility. But I don't think that's the case exactly because i don't WANT to be giving her responsibility! Our biggest arguments are that she wanted to try to do something that i didn't think she should be responsible for, like making breakfast for her sisters or getting out a project involving glue for Audrey to do. Really, just let me do my job... please... *sigh* She just absolutely cannot stop herself, sometimes. It's so frustrating because she is such an amazing girl, and she really does not see that there's any reason to stop. I can't make her want to stop. But the reasons why she doesn't want to stop (she doesn't see any need to please anyone but herself, she is very persistent and she has great ideas that are worth investigating) aren't things I want to beat out of her, either. They are wonderful things that make her unique and amazing! So I guess I get to just fight the daily battles and hope her gifts manifest themselves well in a few years... fingers crossed.
And of course Clara is still not talking. But she gets more and more expressive by the day. She can buckle up her Buckle Pig now, and hold a pencil like you'd teach any child to do, but almost nothing for words. What a stinker. :)
Audrey's was a bit more interesting - not in a negative way, just very surprising. Her teacher told us she thought it was great that Audrey loves books so much, that she'll pick up her favorites and go off in a corner and read them. She said she's really smart (duh) and has great ideas, and the best dimples ever (again, duh!). She likes playing with other kids but she's pretty quiet and keeps to herself most of the time. She said she'd like it if Audrey could open up a little more, participate in circle time and maybe sing with the class, at which point Travis's jaw dropped to the floor, because Audrey wasn't singing?!?!?! When does that happen??? This girl is so funny. She sits quietly with her hands in her lap, won't even do the actions along with the other kids! When confronted with someone unfamiliar, she sits with her head down and won't let that person see her face (which happened at the dentist, and upon re-meeting her uncle Pat, too. We're familiar with that shyness!). I was pleased that the teacher said she's emphasizing free play and socializing for Audrey, since obviously academically she's getting everything she needs. And that she said she doesn't push Audrey to not be shy, but rather just checks on her to make sure she's fine, and knows she's safe, but doesn't tell her to be something she isn't. phew! And then she said she loves art, and showed us her scarecrow up on the wall. Audrey's stood out from all the rest - some of them didn't have faces, some had basic smilies, but Audrey's had full, gorgeously-shaped lips with big round eyes AND eyelashes. Hilarious!! What a funny girl!!
Meanwhile, at home, Emily has absolutely been driving me nuts lately. I know I should be careful to keep my expectations of my kids in check, because they can be SO capable that when they aren't, it's irritating. but really, when you're around anyone, you expect certain things, like, if you're having a reasonable conversation about whether something should or shouldn't happen, and you make your case and the other person is quiet, you'd assume they agreed, right? No, it just means she wanted to do that thing SO MUCH that she went ahead and did it anyway. Too many examples to cite here. It even got to the point where I asked Emily why she bothered asking me if she was just going to ignore me anyway? Probably the wrong question to ask a very literal little girl, because I DO want some way of knowing that she's intending to be up to no good! I don't know what to change, but Travis's thought is that all I can change is my reaction so I might as well just not get angry when she does things like that. My mom thinks I've put too much responsibility onto her as the oldest, and I come down harder on her for failings than I do her sisters because of that responsibility. But I don't think that's the case exactly because i don't WANT to be giving her responsibility! Our biggest arguments are that she wanted to try to do something that i didn't think she should be responsible for, like making breakfast for her sisters or getting out a project involving glue for Audrey to do. Really, just let me do my job... please... *sigh* She just absolutely cannot stop herself, sometimes. It's so frustrating because she is such an amazing girl, and she really does not see that there's any reason to stop. I can't make her want to stop. But the reasons why she doesn't want to stop (she doesn't see any need to please anyone but herself, she is very persistent and she has great ideas that are worth investigating) aren't things I want to beat out of her, either. They are wonderful things that make her unique and amazing! So I guess I get to just fight the daily battles and hope her gifts manifest themselves well in a few years... fingers crossed.
And of course Clara is still not talking. But she gets more and more expressive by the day. She can buckle up her Buckle Pig now, and hold a pencil like you'd teach any child to do, but almost nothing for words. What a stinker. :)
Monday, October 28, 2013
An accurate depiction of my life
So there are some details that don't exactly apply, such as just how much I love my job ;) But for the most part, this writer sums it up pretty nicely!!
Favorite moments
Favorite moments throughout a typical day:
- I wake up to the sound of Emily shutting the microwave door, either to heat her butter for 7 seconds or to cook Audrey's oatmeal for 3 minutes. I hear the beeping and the door opening, and I smile and laugh to myself about my independent little Emily
- When Clara wakes up, she squeaks for me to come get her, and on my favorite days, Travis is still in the shower so I get to bring her back to bed with me, and we snuggle in the super-warmness of my covers. She lays on my chest with her little fuzzy head under my chin, with her hands on my arms, scritching her fingers back and forth. She never wants to get up; I'm not sure how long we'd stay there if I didn't have to eventually get up myself. :)
- Audrey is my watchdog throughout the day. As soon as someone arrives (especially Amanda), she's peeking out the garage door, or flat-out running into the garage for a greeting. It's my very favorite thing about coming home from work, is her peeking through the door and then bouncing and smiling at me. She might have rough moments here and there, usually at bedtime, but that girl never has an entire bad DAY. What a ray of sunshine! She always surprises me with something she's learned, something new, each day.
- Clara's bedtime is special because of how much she likes to read books together. She knows her routine and loves it! She especially thinks Goodnight Gorilla is funny because of the hilarious page in the middle with the surprised expression. She turns her little head and looks up at me to see my funny surprised expression too. And then she lets me lay her down in her crib and snuggles off to sleep, usually singing.
- Then I go into the girls' room, and Travis has usually tucked them into their beds and they are waiting for me. Audrey has on her nighttime chapstick and gives me chapsticky kisses and very wiggley, emphatic hugs.
- And then, my very favorite moment, I think, is when I climb the ladder to hug Emily, and she says, "Mom, what are we going to do tomorrow?" Something about it makes me feel like an adequate mother... and there aren't many moments that actively confirm that. there are some moments where I feel inadequate, and most moments where I just keep grooving along with things, but then there's that moment where I get the sense that I'm doing something right. This girl likes her life enough to look forward to the next day, every night. She's content with the day she's had, and ready for another. And I love talking with her about the things we'll do, because there IS so much to look forward to. I don't know when else in our life that it will be so clear that the future holds so many good things for us. It's just a simple little question but I love it.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Clara just gets awesomer!
Finally, a post about the wee one!
In the past few months, Clara has really started becoming her own person. I mean, she always has been, but now she has very strong opinions on things. She knows when it's time for things, she knows she gets string cheese after Emily gets off the bus. She knows we hop in the bathtub after we get upstairs to go to bed (except when we don't, and then it's upsetting!). She climbs into her carseat on her own, and you know, I don't know why people are so anxious to turn their kids around forward-facing, because it's just as easy to leave it rear-facing and she doesn't care one bit! When she cares, it'll probably make sense to turn it around anyway.
One of the most fun things has been Clara learning to sing. She can sing Baby Beluga, and Teddy Bear, and she'll bring me the book, turn around and back herself up and plop into my lap. She's so insistent - you WILL read this to me now, because I'm already singing it and I'm in the right place, so, start singing, lady!! and i just kiss her cheek over and over and over again. :) Her first song was Twinkle Twinkle, of course, and she would sing it back to me at bedtime as I sang to her in the dark. Her sisters are so obsessed with Taylor Swift's "Trouble" that when I laid Clara down the other night, she was humming and ended up mixing the two songs, and I could definitely hear it was more of the latter. *sigh* goofy girls!!
She loves to imitate her sisters, whether it's wearing their shoes and clonking around the house, or sitting at the piano, turning pages, touching the notes on the page and then playing more pretty notes with her fingers. She also LOVES books now. She'll flip by them herself or insist on being read to. I have to be careful not to get board books flung at my head - she's pretty insistent!! And it makes bedtime a bit of a struggle because she wants ALL of her bedtime books read to her. I try to limit it to three! After we left Goodnight Moon at Jenny's house one weekend, she started branching into other books, and she loves it. All three girls have developed an obsession with the printed word since we gave up satellite TV, and hardly ever have it on anymore (not like we ever did much anyway!). It's pretty cool!
And Clara is a total crack-up, too. Amanda asked her this afternoon if she had pooped, cuz she smelled bad, and Clara shook her head back and forth quickly, in her typical adorable little fashion. And Amanda said noooo, you smell bad, did you poop? And her response, whether coincidental or purposeful, was a little shrug and expression of "eh, you got me!" And off she went to the bathroom to get changed. Hilarious!! She actually did poop on the potty one time, which we haven't even tried with her for months but it was AWESOME. it was during Emily's birthday party, while she was opening presents, and I did NOT want to be missing out due to changing a disaster diaper. And I didn't have to! best baby ever!! And of course she hasn't since, but who cares?? that rocked!! And I deserve it, too, cuz her tummy appears to still be sensitive to everything. I gave her two wheat-thins crackers yesterday to see if gluten still gives her trouble, and whammo, this afternoon her system announced that yes, it does. It is such a drag to operate with such a strict diet, but if Audrey outgrew it around 2.5 to 3 years, maybe I can do this for another year? or two?? ugh... Cuz now she really knows if her sisters have something that she can't, so I'm trying hard to not let that happen too often. Like tonight, she got her own gluten-free noodles while the rest of us feasted on the real thing, and no apples or pears or onions or tomatoes for any of us (except me, cuz I MUST have tomatoes this time of year! :) ).
She's getting to be more coordinated now, getting up AND down stairs pretty well, and getting faster and faster. She's had a few major biffs lately, resulting in a skinned-up nose and a hitler-mustache-style abrasion above her mouth. Guess she learned the hard way to practice running on grass instead of concrete! She's a tough cookie, though. Tonight she chipped a tiny bit off her bottom tooth because she slipped while climbing onto a chair at the dining room table. she cried a little, but not nearly as long as I would have if I'd chipped a tooth!
And all this, and her only real words are "Bup" (up) and "ahhdaaa" (all done). And maybe Mom and Dad, but it's hard to know. She is SO expressive and so busy listening to everything that's going on, that she doesn't really need words. Can't even get a "nana" out of her and she LOVES bananas. And I remember Audrey was a lot the same way, so I'm fine letting Clara learn however she likes. She's pretty lucky that I'm finally figuring out some things the third time around.
I sure like her an awful lot, and she likes me too. :) She's a bit less of a mama's girl than she was a few months ago, but I don't mind her clinging to me most of the time. When Amanda came one morning, Travis was holding her, and she wiggled out of his arms and went running through the kitchen, right past me, to greet her! Made me feel so good, that she feels so loved while I'm at work! But in my arms, it's such a good feeling, like she gets aboard and feels right at home, where she should be, with her mom. It's fun to be paired up with such a little beauty!
In the past few months, Clara has really started becoming her own person. I mean, she always has been, but now she has very strong opinions on things. She knows when it's time for things, she knows she gets string cheese after Emily gets off the bus. She knows we hop in the bathtub after we get upstairs to go to bed (except when we don't, and then it's upsetting!). She climbs into her carseat on her own, and you know, I don't know why people are so anxious to turn their kids around forward-facing, because it's just as easy to leave it rear-facing and she doesn't care one bit! When she cares, it'll probably make sense to turn it around anyway.
One of the most fun things has been Clara learning to sing. She can sing Baby Beluga, and Teddy Bear, and she'll bring me the book, turn around and back herself up and plop into my lap. She's so insistent - you WILL read this to me now, because I'm already singing it and I'm in the right place, so, start singing, lady!! and i just kiss her cheek over and over and over again. :) Her first song was Twinkle Twinkle, of course, and she would sing it back to me at bedtime as I sang to her in the dark. Her sisters are so obsessed with Taylor Swift's "Trouble" that when I laid Clara down the other night, she was humming and ended up mixing the two songs, and I could definitely hear it was more of the latter. *sigh* goofy girls!!
She loves to imitate her sisters, whether it's wearing their shoes and clonking around the house, or sitting at the piano, turning pages, touching the notes on the page and then playing more pretty notes with her fingers. She also LOVES books now. She'll flip by them herself or insist on being read to. I have to be careful not to get board books flung at my head - she's pretty insistent!! And it makes bedtime a bit of a struggle because she wants ALL of her bedtime books read to her. I try to limit it to three! After we left Goodnight Moon at Jenny's house one weekend, she started branching into other books, and she loves it. All three girls have developed an obsession with the printed word since we gave up satellite TV, and hardly ever have it on anymore (not like we ever did much anyway!). It's pretty cool!
And Clara is a total crack-up, too. Amanda asked her this afternoon if she had pooped, cuz she smelled bad, and Clara shook her head back and forth quickly, in her typical adorable little fashion. And Amanda said noooo, you smell bad, did you poop? And her response, whether coincidental or purposeful, was a little shrug and expression of "eh, you got me!" And off she went to the bathroom to get changed. Hilarious!! She actually did poop on the potty one time, which we haven't even tried with her for months but it was AWESOME. it was during Emily's birthday party, while she was opening presents, and I did NOT want to be missing out due to changing a disaster diaper. And I didn't have to! best baby ever!! And of course she hasn't since, but who cares?? that rocked!! And I deserve it, too, cuz her tummy appears to still be sensitive to everything. I gave her two wheat-thins crackers yesterday to see if gluten still gives her trouble, and whammo, this afternoon her system announced that yes, it does. It is such a drag to operate with such a strict diet, but if Audrey outgrew it around 2.5 to 3 years, maybe I can do this for another year? or two?? ugh... Cuz now she really knows if her sisters have something that she can't, so I'm trying hard to not let that happen too often. Like tonight, she got her own gluten-free noodles while the rest of us feasted on the real thing, and no apples or pears or onions or tomatoes for any of us (except me, cuz I MUST have tomatoes this time of year! :) ).
She's getting to be more coordinated now, getting up AND down stairs pretty well, and getting faster and faster. She's had a few major biffs lately, resulting in a skinned-up nose and a hitler-mustache-style abrasion above her mouth. Guess she learned the hard way to practice running on grass instead of concrete! She's a tough cookie, though. Tonight she chipped a tiny bit off her bottom tooth because she slipped while climbing onto a chair at the dining room table. she cried a little, but not nearly as long as I would have if I'd chipped a tooth!
And all this, and her only real words are "Bup" (up) and "ahhdaaa" (all done). And maybe Mom and Dad, but it's hard to know. She is SO expressive and so busy listening to everything that's going on, that she doesn't really need words. Can't even get a "nana" out of her and she LOVES bananas. And I remember Audrey was a lot the same way, so I'm fine letting Clara learn however she likes. She's pretty lucky that I'm finally figuring out some things the third time around.
I sure like her an awful lot, and she likes me too. :) She's a bit less of a mama's girl than she was a few months ago, but I don't mind her clinging to me most of the time. When Amanda came one morning, Travis was holding her, and she wiggled out of his arms and went running through the kitchen, right past me, to greet her! Made me feel so good, that she feels so loved while I'm at work! But in my arms, it's such a good feeling, like she gets aboard and feels right at home, where she should be, with her mom. It's fun to be paired up with such a little beauty!
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Audrey starts preschool
Audrey is now officially a preschooler! She was very cautious and quiet at the meet-the-teacher, but on her first day she put on a grin and marched into the school, and has loved it ever since. She sings new songs, and brings home new artwork. It's only 3 hours, two mornings per week, but it's enough that she has her own "thing." I got a newsletter from her teacher saying that they would be starting to learn colors, numbers, and letters, hopefully learning enough that they will be able to identify their own names. I wanted to reply, "... you know that Audrey can read, right?" It ought to be an interesting parent-teacher conference coming up.
When Emily is at school and Clara is napping, Audrey and I have two afternoons each week when it's just the two of us. I usually try to be productive then, but we spend a fair amount of time reading books. She's started reading Dick and Jane books, and is doing an amazing job!! Emily overheard Audrey reading it to me one time, and got a little bit offended that Audrey was actually reading a story, and Audrey's been known to help Emily with her Word Ring. It's pretty weird. I was even doing a math activity with Emily yesterday, following up on some things she was asking me while I got dressed in the morning (Doesn't everyone ask you to count by 11's as you brush your teeth?), and Audrey jumped in and tried to do it too. I was giving my attention to Emily, but when I looked back at Audrey, she had followed along exactly. Her mission in life seems to be to catch up to Emily, and she's doing it with a flare that says, "What? Was that supposed to be hard?" She plays with Emily and Hope and all the other neighborhood kids, and fits right in!
As I type this, Emily is being the teacher in a "really fun game" they're playing, which looks an awful lot like school! Audrey is a willing pupil. I'm glad she has her preschool experience to have to herself so not everything is dominated by Emily's whims!!
Audrey has been singing Taylor Swift's "Trouble" song all day today. She and Emily were singing it in the car together the other night, and it's hilarious. I've tried to capture videos but it doesn't do it justice. Audrey's dead-on on the pitch, and Emily's got more of the words and rhythm. They've sung it so much that Travis even heard Clara humming it today. Crazy girls!!
Emily learned to play "Mary had a little lamb" on the piano, reading the notes out of the piano book. Audrey can play it too, playing it by ear, and even figuring out how to go up to G instead of just C, D, and E like in Emily's book. And she can do it on the black keys. And on the toy keyboard. And singing along with it.
Audrey colored a flower yesterday that is seriously a work of art. She colored with all the markers in the rainbow, making one stripe of each color repeating over and over, with no empty spaces. It's really beautiful, and it took her all day to do, patiently adding one stripe at a time. So we add artistry to the list of amazing things about Audrey!
Her little red and yellow tricycle (big wheel) has gotten a lot of mileage this fall. Emily's bus stop was at the corner with 50th until we got it moved to in front of our house, so for a few weeks we'd have to walk down to the end of the block to meet the bus. Audrey always rode that tricycle!! It'll be fun to see next spring if she'll be able to put pedaling together with balancing. She's been zipping down that hill all summer.
Audrey also has a good time with Amanda. Last week, Audrey and Clara both had some kind of stomach bug, so I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to leave them with Amanda while I went to work. But Audrey managed to puke in the bucket every time and never have an accident, which seriously helps cleanup!! It also meant that it was fine for Amanda to handle, which was good because Audrey would have really been upset at staying home with me all day and missing an Amanda day. It's fun to see how much Amanda enjoys Audrey. They watch YouTube videos about doing make-up and styling hair, they paint nails and go shopping - Amanda said Audrey was really very helpful helping her pick out new boots!! I feel pretty good about heading off to work when they're both so happy to see each other.
It's so funny to realize who Audrey has become as a person, and compare that to who she was as a toddler, when potty training, when watching her learn to walk and talk. If I had known back then who she really IS as a person, man, it would've been so much less stressful for us. :( She's like a little adult in a child's body! If she doesn't have the language skills to protest (either a few years ago due to age or last night due to tiredness) she completely shuts down. The worst thing you can do is offer physical interaction at that point, even if it's a well-meaning hug. She will FREAK. Now that I know who she is, I can totally understand it, but it sure was hard to figure out in a 18-month-old.
I bought her new chapstick because she actually used up her other tube from last winter. I bought a package of 3, which had strawberry, cherry, and mint in it. I gave her the strawberry, thinking that would be enough, but she showed me this morning that she had opened up the mint kind, and declared that to be her "morning chapstick," while the strawberry is her "nighttime chapstick." She really does look good with glossy lips, I'll admit. :)
So yeah, on the verge of turning 4, my kid is sure amazing. She's beautiful, she's carefree and happy, she's got friends, and has fun and is comfortable wherever she is. She's enjoying the luxury of learning because she wants to, and she's happy to go to bed and greet each new day. We should all be so lucky as her!!
When Emily is at school and Clara is napping, Audrey and I have two afternoons each week when it's just the two of us. I usually try to be productive then, but we spend a fair amount of time reading books. She's started reading Dick and Jane books, and is doing an amazing job!! Emily overheard Audrey reading it to me one time, and got a little bit offended that Audrey was actually reading a story, and Audrey's been known to help Emily with her Word Ring. It's pretty weird. I was even doing a math activity with Emily yesterday, following up on some things she was asking me while I got dressed in the morning (Doesn't everyone ask you to count by 11's as you brush your teeth?), and Audrey jumped in and tried to do it too. I was giving my attention to Emily, but when I looked back at Audrey, she had followed along exactly. Her mission in life seems to be to catch up to Emily, and she's doing it with a flare that says, "What? Was that supposed to be hard?" She plays with Emily and Hope and all the other neighborhood kids, and fits right in!
As I type this, Emily is being the teacher in a "really fun game" they're playing, which looks an awful lot like school! Audrey is a willing pupil. I'm glad she has her preschool experience to have to herself so not everything is dominated by Emily's whims!!
Audrey has been singing Taylor Swift's "Trouble" song all day today. She and Emily were singing it in the car together the other night, and it's hilarious. I've tried to capture videos but it doesn't do it justice. Audrey's dead-on on the pitch, and Emily's got more of the words and rhythm. They've sung it so much that Travis even heard Clara humming it today. Crazy girls!!
Emily learned to play "Mary had a little lamb" on the piano, reading the notes out of the piano book. Audrey can play it too, playing it by ear, and even figuring out how to go up to G instead of just C, D, and E like in Emily's book. And she can do it on the black keys. And on the toy keyboard. And singing along with it.
Audrey colored a flower yesterday that is seriously a work of art. She colored with all the markers in the rainbow, making one stripe of each color repeating over and over, with no empty spaces. It's really beautiful, and it took her all day to do, patiently adding one stripe at a time. So we add artistry to the list of amazing things about Audrey!
Her little red and yellow tricycle (big wheel) has gotten a lot of mileage this fall. Emily's bus stop was at the corner with 50th until we got it moved to in front of our house, so for a few weeks we'd have to walk down to the end of the block to meet the bus. Audrey always rode that tricycle!! It'll be fun to see next spring if she'll be able to put pedaling together with balancing. She's been zipping down that hill all summer.
Audrey also has a good time with Amanda. Last week, Audrey and Clara both had some kind of stomach bug, so I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to leave them with Amanda while I went to work. But Audrey managed to puke in the bucket every time and never have an accident, which seriously helps cleanup!! It also meant that it was fine for Amanda to handle, which was good because Audrey would have really been upset at staying home with me all day and missing an Amanda day. It's fun to see how much Amanda enjoys Audrey. They watch YouTube videos about doing make-up and styling hair, they paint nails and go shopping - Amanda said Audrey was really very helpful helping her pick out new boots!! I feel pretty good about heading off to work when they're both so happy to see each other.
It's so funny to realize who Audrey has become as a person, and compare that to who she was as a toddler, when potty training, when watching her learn to walk and talk. If I had known back then who she really IS as a person, man, it would've been so much less stressful for us. :( She's like a little adult in a child's body! If she doesn't have the language skills to protest (either a few years ago due to age or last night due to tiredness) she completely shuts down. The worst thing you can do is offer physical interaction at that point, even if it's a well-meaning hug. She will FREAK. Now that I know who she is, I can totally understand it, but it sure was hard to figure out in a 18-month-old.
I bought her new chapstick because she actually used up her other tube from last winter. I bought a package of 3, which had strawberry, cherry, and mint in it. I gave her the strawberry, thinking that would be enough, but she showed me this morning that she had opened up the mint kind, and declared that to be her "morning chapstick," while the strawberry is her "nighttime chapstick." She really does look good with glossy lips, I'll admit. :)
So yeah, on the verge of turning 4, my kid is sure amazing. She's beautiful, she's carefree and happy, she's got friends, and has fun and is comfortable wherever she is. She's enjoying the luxury of learning because she wants to, and she's happy to go to bed and greet each new day. We should all be so lucky as her!!
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