Overnight towns are announced, and they look like they might be conducive to me doing a few days. I'll have to think about it, I guess.
We had a little dinner party tonight, and it was nice to be a little bit social without leaving Emily's and Audrey's comforts of home. Our friends brought their little 5-month girl, and Audrey sure enjoyed looking at her. She was a pretty sweet little girl, but I like mine better. She was a real charmer tonight, and although it took her a while to calm down afterwards, it was worth it. And of course Emily did a super nice job and was sweet and charming as well. I have such nice girls! Now I've enjoyed my glass of wine and enjoying relaxing before the craziness of the next week begins.
I spent a few days at my parents house this week, and it was nice to get away for a little while. Travis was in Madison, so I wasn't going to even try to do this single-mom thing. Tomorrow, we're going to church up in Ames, and we'll consider having Audrey baptised in the church there (the same one we got married in). And then, Monday I go back to work. I cannot believe Audrey is 3 months old already. She's my baby!!!! I think she'll be fine at daycare, though, since she seems to really enjoy being around other kids and today she took her bottle with almost no complaint. She still didn't want to drink much of it, but she's at least got the idea, now. She settles down pretty well, and although she's not on a schedule, she's pretty agreeable. I have such nice girls... I try to just enjoy it, but sometimes it just makes me feel guilty for allowing myself to be so infuriated by Emily when she's being so very, very 2. *deep breath*
It's just hard to think that I have to add one more thing to my daily grind. work - bleh. I suppose it will seem less bleh-ish once I get into it, but I've been out long enough that I just do not care at all. I've got enough to keep track of in my life; can I really handle one more?? I feel like January has really been a restful month for me, and I'm sad that it's over. Don't get me wrong - I hate January as a whole, with its early dark nights and awful weather, but at least it's dark in the morning so Emily sleeps well, and there really hasn't been much going on. Without anything special going on, Emily has had a good chance to have several accident-free days, and that's worked well with her two-steps-forward-one-step-back approach to potty training. I'm sad to see it ending, but someday, someday, someday it will be warm enough for me to get outside and try to not be so fat, and I guess that's worth it. I went for a 1.5 mile walk the other day, and I was sore the next day. I really am itching to get moving again so I don't feel like such a blob!
Bedtime for me. I love sleeping!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Goodbye, Crazy Lady
Audrey slept from 9:30 until 6:10 on Friday night, and I have had the most amazing weekend since then. I'm really not sure what to do with myself, but at least I feel like myself again! I don't default to worrying and being depressed about things when I get regular sleep. She's been up at around 5 the last two mornings, which is totally fine with me! I can't believe how different I feel now, with several good nights under my belt. It's really amazing - I am no longer crazy!!
I was nursing Audrey to sleep tonight, and I noticed that I was holding her hand the way I used to do with Emily, and I had totally forgotten that I had done that. It was such a familiar feeling, sleeping baby in one arm, little fingers clutching mine, just totally content. I hope there are lots of other things that I'll notice and remember to remark upon when going through this baby thing the second time.
Audrey is such a beauty. She definitely has Travis's eyes, and when she's tired, her eyelids get all pink and droopy just exactly like his do. Even her eyecolor is a different blue than mine and Emily's, darker with no hint of green. She makes such fantastic cooing noises and emphatic wiggles! So fun! She's pretty steady with her head now when she's vertical - a lot more so than even a week ago. She likes for me to carry her around so she can look over my shoulder, and I love having that little bundle snuggled up under my chin.
Emily is still struggling with one particular aspect of potty training, so I've been doing a lot of stain-sticking and toilet-rinsing lately. She also is too busy to take time for potty breaks, and protests incredibly if Travis or I suggest that she go. I have no idea when she'll work through that, but I'm deciding that she's potty trained so I have packed away all the size 4 diapers!! Only undies and pull-ups from now on - and hopefully not much longer on those, since she's generally dry after naps and overnights now. I'm so incredibly proud of her, it's hard to even put down in words!! She is also being much more specific in her language now, and although it sometimes takes some creativity, she can get across some pretty complex thoughts. But her sense of humor is definitely a 2-year-old's: just saying "Beep Boop" to her is hilarious, and she came home from Amanda's one day proclaiming that she wanted to eat bunny poop?? I doubt she's actually thinking about rabbit waste, and it's just something she thinks is incredibly silly. But I love that giggle, so I just enjoy the laughter.
We had a nice calm weekend as a family here, with Travis at home today because of the MLK holiday. I was actually bored for a little while! for about 5 minutes, actually, until Audrey woke up. But that was a weird thing, to wonder what to do with myself. I've been adding to my list of things I want to buy, everything from a double stroller to a syrup pitcher, so I am hoping that if I have it written down, I will not waste those spare moments and do online purchasing / research on those items. I went for a walk the other day before supper and even though it was less than a mile, I was sore the next day. I went again today while the girls were napping and we'll see how tomorrow feels. It's bizarre to be 20 lbs overweight. I jogged a few blocks of my route today and I felt like the "before" people on the Biggest Loser, all lumbering and jiggly. It's an awful feeling, but I'm certainly motivated now! I can't wait for it to get warm enough for me to take Audrey outside, so we can do walks to the park, and maybe it'll be light enough outside for me to get out without the girls after Travis gets home from work...
It's crazy how hard it is to feel good, isn't it?? I've gotta get enough sleep, get a little regular exercise, and continually keep my bloodsugar up. I've got to consciously let minor irritations go, and appreciate the moment. But it's worth all the work and mental sommersaults, because it will make my girls' childhoods happier and less stressful. And that's totally worth it!!
I was nursing Audrey to sleep tonight, and I noticed that I was holding her hand the way I used to do with Emily, and I had totally forgotten that I had done that. It was such a familiar feeling, sleeping baby in one arm, little fingers clutching mine, just totally content. I hope there are lots of other things that I'll notice and remember to remark upon when going through this baby thing the second time.
Audrey is such a beauty. She definitely has Travis's eyes, and when she's tired, her eyelids get all pink and droopy just exactly like his do. Even her eyecolor is a different blue than mine and Emily's, darker with no hint of green. She makes such fantastic cooing noises and emphatic wiggles! So fun! She's pretty steady with her head now when she's vertical - a lot more so than even a week ago. She likes for me to carry her around so she can look over my shoulder, and I love having that little bundle snuggled up under my chin.
Emily is still struggling with one particular aspect of potty training, so I've been doing a lot of stain-sticking and toilet-rinsing lately. She also is too busy to take time for potty breaks, and protests incredibly if Travis or I suggest that she go. I have no idea when she'll work through that, but I'm deciding that she's potty trained so I have packed away all the size 4 diapers!! Only undies and pull-ups from now on - and hopefully not much longer on those, since she's generally dry after naps and overnights now. I'm so incredibly proud of her, it's hard to even put down in words!! She is also being much more specific in her language now, and although it sometimes takes some creativity, she can get across some pretty complex thoughts. But her sense of humor is definitely a 2-year-old's: just saying "Beep Boop" to her is hilarious, and she came home from Amanda's one day proclaiming that she wanted to eat bunny poop?? I doubt she's actually thinking about rabbit waste, and it's just something she thinks is incredibly silly. But I love that giggle, so I just enjoy the laughter.
We had a nice calm weekend as a family here, with Travis at home today because of the MLK holiday. I was actually bored for a little while! for about 5 minutes, actually, until Audrey woke up. But that was a weird thing, to wonder what to do with myself. I've been adding to my list of things I want to buy, everything from a double stroller to a syrup pitcher, so I am hoping that if I have it written down, I will not waste those spare moments and do online purchasing / research on those items. I went for a walk the other day before supper and even though it was less than a mile, I was sore the next day. I went again today while the girls were napping and we'll see how tomorrow feels. It's bizarre to be 20 lbs overweight. I jogged a few blocks of my route today and I felt like the "before" people on the Biggest Loser, all lumbering and jiggly. It's an awful feeling, but I'm certainly motivated now! I can't wait for it to get warm enough for me to take Audrey outside, so we can do walks to the park, and maybe it'll be light enough outside for me to get out without the girls after Travis gets home from work...
It's crazy how hard it is to feel good, isn't it?? I've gotta get enough sleep, get a little regular exercise, and continually keep my bloodsugar up. I've got to consciously let minor irritations go, and appreciate the moment. But it's worth all the work and mental sommersaults, because it will make my girls' childhoods happier and less stressful. And that's totally worth it!!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Travis = my hero
Emily came into our room this morning at 6:15, wanting to snuggle with me in bed. She did it yesterday at 6:37, after Travis's alarm had gone off, so I couldn't convince her it was still nighttime and she should go back to bed. But this morning, Travis whisked her away and put her back in bed - and she slept until 7:40!! Yay!!!! She's rested and happy today, unlike yesterday where she was grouchy. It was too bad, too, because her cousin came to play with her and she wasn't her normal sparkling self. But I've got her all to myself today, so I'll take it! Audrey is also having a wonderful day, so I'm really enjoying it while it lasts. In a few minutes, we're going to Audrey's 2-month checkup, and both she and Emily will get shots. The rest of the day doesn't look so good, so I'm sure enjoying my sunshiney girls now!
Yesterday I went to a baby shower for a co-worker, and my sister watched my girls so I could go without them. It was SO nice! I wasn't really sure what to do with all my brainpower available, and I think I yakked on a bit too much and should've let other people say more, but I had a great time. Yakity yakity yak. It was my first time away from Audrey for any length of time, and I fed her right before I left and right after I got back. She tried to take a bottle instead of nursing when I got home, but it was a total failure. Guess I've got something else to worry about now! I think I've got my work schedule figured out so it's most beneficial for me, Audrey, Emily, Amanda, and my co-workers. It took some creativity, but I did figure it out. It's amazing how hard it is to think with BabyBrain.
Travis and I had the most boring fight yesterday. He was tired of me complaining about things, and I was too tired to see the bright side of things. But, a boring fight is the best way to air things out, and Audrey let me get lots of sleep. Years from now, when people ask us what the key is to a long marriage, I will say, "Boring fights." No drama in this house -- at least from anybody who's more than 3 years old!
Yesterday I went to a baby shower for a co-worker, and my sister watched my girls so I could go without them. It was SO nice! I wasn't really sure what to do with all my brainpower available, and I think I yakked on a bit too much and should've let other people say more, but I had a great time. Yakity yakity yak. It was my first time away from Audrey for any length of time, and I fed her right before I left and right after I got back. She tried to take a bottle instead of nursing when I got home, but it was a total failure. Guess I've got something else to worry about now! I think I've got my work schedule figured out so it's most beneficial for me, Audrey, Emily, Amanda, and my co-workers. It took some creativity, but I did figure it out. It's amazing how hard it is to think with BabyBrain.
Travis and I had the most boring fight yesterday. He was tired of me complaining about things, and I was too tired to see the bright side of things. But, a boring fight is the best way to air things out, and Audrey let me get lots of sleep. Years from now, when people ask us what the key is to a long marriage, I will say, "Boring fights." No drama in this house -- at least from anybody who's more than 3 years old!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
A much brighter day
I kind of figured that I'd feel guilty about my last post, but I just couldn't resolve it all in my head at the time. It's been a really hard past few months.
Emily had a wonderful day back at daycare today - her first day in big girl underwear!! She had a couple of accidents to start the day, but apparently she just needed a couple of tries to figure it out, and she was in with the big kids the rest of the day. I am guessing tomorrow she'll have another rough day, but based on today, I'd say she's starting to figure it out. She seems to have taken a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of approach. We're getting there!
I was so proud of her when I dropped her off this morning, too. She woke up with a smile, got dressed without objection, and even though she told me she wanted to stay home and read books, she got in the car and talked about her friends all the way to daycare. When I took off her coat there, she hugged me, kissed me on both cheeks, said "I Lauv you," and ran off with a friend. Amanda told me at pickup time that Emily had been very helpful to her by helping another little boy follow Amanda's verbal directions. Emily and this little boy are just about exactly the same age, but Emily is apparently much better about following verbal directions, enough to be helpful! Isn't that sweet? Then on the way to the car, Emily told me each of the colors of the 2-ft-tall christmas bulbs along the sidewalk, "red, green, yellow, pupple... count them again!!" Even though it was all of 6 degrees outside, it was easy to stop to enjoy that! It is so nice to have good days like today to offset the ones where I spend the morning up to my elbows in the toilet, cleaning out undies.
And on a similar subject, I'll just say that Audrey is making it clear that it's time for her to move up a size in diapers. Her little rear is still fitting fine in size 1's, but the capacity issue is demanding 2's. She's been eating a lot lately, because she has been fighting a cold lately, I think. It's probably the same cold I've had, which isn't that bad, and she gets antibodies from me, so all she's had is a very runny right eye. But I can tell she doesn't feel good and nursing makes her feel better, so I oblige. Sure seems like I should be seeing some benefit weight-wise, though!! I'm still at the same weight I was when Audrey and I came home from the hospital, and at some point I'll have to wear something besides the three pairs of jeans that I barely squeeze into now. I don't like being this size, at all... but I also don't like being hungry in the night, and that's what I'm faced with if I don't eat enough during the day. Hopefully I'll have get a little more energy before I go back to work in February so I can do a tiny bit of exercise here and there.
Audrey has the most amazing happy expressions - have I mentioned already?? I have tried to capture just a few seconds on video, and it's just not the same as being on the receiving end of her gorgeous smile. It's SO beautiful, and expressive!! She has the sweetest little syllables that she utters, too. I know that all moms love their babies, but those other babies can't possibly be as charming as mine.
I had 5 consecutive hours of sleep last night. See what a difference it makes?? Today, I feel like myself. Who is this crazy lady who has hijacked my life lately???
Emily had a wonderful day back at daycare today - her first day in big girl underwear!! She had a couple of accidents to start the day, but apparently she just needed a couple of tries to figure it out, and she was in with the big kids the rest of the day. I am guessing tomorrow she'll have another rough day, but based on today, I'd say she's starting to figure it out. She seems to have taken a "two steps forward, one step back" kind of approach. We're getting there!
I was so proud of her when I dropped her off this morning, too. She woke up with a smile, got dressed without objection, and even though she told me she wanted to stay home and read books, she got in the car and talked about her friends all the way to daycare. When I took off her coat there, she hugged me, kissed me on both cheeks, said "I Lauv you," and ran off with a friend. Amanda told me at pickup time that Emily had been very helpful to her by helping another little boy follow Amanda's verbal directions. Emily and this little boy are just about exactly the same age, but Emily is apparently much better about following verbal directions, enough to be helpful! Isn't that sweet? Then on the way to the car, Emily told me each of the colors of the 2-ft-tall christmas bulbs along the sidewalk, "red, green, yellow, pupple... count them again!!" Even though it was all of 6 degrees outside, it was easy to stop to enjoy that! It is so nice to have good days like today to offset the ones where I spend the morning up to my elbows in the toilet, cleaning out undies.
And on a similar subject, I'll just say that Audrey is making it clear that it's time for her to move up a size in diapers. Her little rear is still fitting fine in size 1's, but the capacity issue is demanding 2's. She's been eating a lot lately, because she has been fighting a cold lately, I think. It's probably the same cold I've had, which isn't that bad, and she gets antibodies from me, so all she's had is a very runny right eye. But I can tell she doesn't feel good and nursing makes her feel better, so I oblige. Sure seems like I should be seeing some benefit weight-wise, though!! I'm still at the same weight I was when Audrey and I came home from the hospital, and at some point I'll have to wear something besides the three pairs of jeans that I barely squeeze into now. I don't like being this size, at all... but I also don't like being hungry in the night, and that's what I'm faced with if I don't eat enough during the day. Hopefully I'll have get a little more energy before I go back to work in February so I can do a tiny bit of exercise here and there.
Audrey has the most amazing happy expressions - have I mentioned already?? I have tried to capture just a few seconds on video, and it's just not the same as being on the receiving end of her gorgeous smile. It's SO beautiful, and expressive!! She has the sweetest little syllables that she utters, too. I know that all moms love their babies, but those other babies can't possibly be as charming as mine.
I had 5 consecutive hours of sleep last night. See what a difference it makes?? Today, I feel like myself. Who is this crazy lady who has hijacked my life lately???
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Merry Christmas, after all
Our Christmas didn't turn out exactly as we planned, but we still have had a wonderful holiday. Stupid snowstorm!!!
We had planned to go to Barnum Friday after opening presents from Santa that morning, but the HUGE snowstorm caused us to move up our trip to Wednesday. Travis got up that morning, checked the weather forecast and saw that if we didn't leave that morning, there was no way we were going anywhere for 3 days. So I got up, and within 2 hours of waking, we were on the road with everything we'd need for 2 girls, for 4 days. Crazy. We had a really nice time in Barnum, but it was very good to get home. Saturday, on our way home, we stopped to visit Travis's brother at the correctional facility in Fort Dodge. It was definitely a weird Christmas in that respect, but we are hoping it's the last of its kind.
Sunday, the Johannsen Christmas was at my brother's house, so we had a very short drive to the festivities! True to form, the rest of my family showed up late, delaying lunch, then gift opening, and therefore dinner. Nobody else seems to mind that kind of thing, but Emily and I are not that flexible. I don't get hungry so much as my blood sugar drops, and I turn into a crazy person. That's really not an exaggeration - I get shakey and incredibly, well, cranky, let's say. Emily gets crabby and sleepy, and I get annoyed with her hanging on me and pawing at my earlobes, my hands, my arms, my face, whatever she can pinch. So, we didn't handle that well, or the gift opening that was the most chaotic in my whole life, I think. You'd think the gift opening would boost my spirits, but instead I just felt guilty that everybody else got me and my girls the most thoughtful lovely things, and I wasn't able to reciprocate. My gifts kinda sucked, and it was such a whirlwind that I'm not sure who most things are from, or even if some things were for Emily or Audrey or both! But there was still lots of laughs and I love my family, so it was still a wonderful day. I figure most of them wondered why I was such a nasty person on such a fun day, but I hope nobody took it personally.
The next day was the Coulson Christmas, which was thankfully replaced by a surprise birthday party for my grandma (Mommo) who turns 90 on Jan 12th. She was completely surprised after being greeted at the door with lei's, a flashing tiara and wand, and everyone singing happy birthday to her. She was so struck that she just stood in the doorway with tears streaming down her cheeks, with Poppo behind her, who finally said, "Move in, Bette." If you know Poppo, you know just the patient but slightly annoyed voice he used, because it was COLD that day! It was a really wonderful evening. Everyone was there, too: her husband, two daughters, 5 grandkids, 5 great-granddaughters, and her niece and nephew and their familes. We put together a gift of our memories of her, written on scraps of paper for her to read, one each day over the coming year. I think that looks like a pretty nice party to aim for in 60 years.
The thing that was most frustrating, in looking back over Christmas, was that I wasn't able to give Emily a sense that Christmas is a holiday, one day, that we celebrate together as a family. Instead, it's a hectic week of schedule-out-the-window, traveling, and presents day after day after day. I suppose that's a more realistic depiction, but she didn't even get to experience Santa: the anticipation going to bed, the excitement waking up, and the magic of opening gifts from someone mysterious. She asked me today if she could open presents, as though this is what we do daily now. I guess next year I'll try to establish something just for our little Sullivan family, if another snowstorm and other family stuff don't get in the way.
And so it's back to the grind of things today. Emily has yet to initiate a run to the potty out of real need, and at this point I'm letting her have accidents so she can see the difference between the positive experiences (went when Mom told her) and the negative one (pooped her pants AGAIN.) I just cannot believe that it's normal for a 2-year-old to poop 3 times daily, but I'm sure tired of washing out undies in the toilet. It's practically every day, and she goes in the potty plenty of times!! You'd think she'd figure it out. I just don't know what else to say to her or how else to incentivize it. So if she's too young and not ready for full-on potty trained status, then she's too young to give up her nap completely!!! but that's what she's doing. Just as I need a few minutes in the afternoon to teach Audrey how to take naps by herself (I haven't bothered to this point, with all the car travel, strange places, and schedule upset). Emily ends up either too cranky to function by the end of the day, or wide awake (with a nap) and unable to get to bed before 10:00. I guess this is all normal, but it sure seems like I should be able to do something about it, and I just can't.
Audrey is smiling lots these days, and she's getting so she needs more attention - as in, entertainment. She gets lost in the mix a lot, and I feel terrible that I have to give her her pacifier while I take care of poopy pants AGAIN, or tear Emily off the stairs AGAIN, or take care of the latest owie Emily achieved because she's too tired to function. So, I guess, so much for not having another thumb sucker. I feel guilty about Emily's nervous habits, and the consolations I've been offered are not consoling: "It's not your fault, she does it naturally," yes, because that's one of the few ways she's just like me when I was a kid- nervous and needing something in her mouth. I bit my nails terribly short from the time I was 4 or 5 until probably college, and I still pick at them a lot. I can't help her to quit either the thumb or her earlobe pawing - she'll either transfer the habit or have to spend 20 years outgrowing it. It's a really awful feeling.
This post has taken me all day to do, and I have done nothing else besides this and paying attention to my kids - dishes are all on the counter, lunch was reheated. But diapers are changed, poop is cleaned off bottoms, and they're both fed and resting now. It's a keep-em-alive kind of day, I guess. I'm hungry, again, so I'd better go eat something before someone else needs me again.
We had planned to go to Barnum Friday after opening presents from Santa that morning, but the HUGE snowstorm caused us to move up our trip to Wednesday. Travis got up that morning, checked the weather forecast and saw that if we didn't leave that morning, there was no way we were going anywhere for 3 days. So I got up, and within 2 hours of waking, we were on the road with everything we'd need for 2 girls, for 4 days. Crazy. We had a really nice time in Barnum, but it was very good to get home. Saturday, on our way home, we stopped to visit Travis's brother at the correctional facility in Fort Dodge. It was definitely a weird Christmas in that respect, but we are hoping it's the last of its kind.
Sunday, the Johannsen Christmas was at my brother's house, so we had a very short drive to the festivities! True to form, the rest of my family showed up late, delaying lunch, then gift opening, and therefore dinner. Nobody else seems to mind that kind of thing, but Emily and I are not that flexible. I don't get hungry so much as my blood sugar drops, and I turn into a crazy person. That's really not an exaggeration - I get shakey and incredibly, well, cranky, let's say. Emily gets crabby and sleepy, and I get annoyed with her hanging on me and pawing at my earlobes, my hands, my arms, my face, whatever she can pinch. So, we didn't handle that well, or the gift opening that was the most chaotic in my whole life, I think. You'd think the gift opening would boost my spirits, but instead I just felt guilty that everybody else got me and my girls the most thoughtful lovely things, and I wasn't able to reciprocate. My gifts kinda sucked, and it was such a whirlwind that I'm not sure who most things are from, or even if some things were for Emily or Audrey or both! But there was still lots of laughs and I love my family, so it was still a wonderful day. I figure most of them wondered why I was such a nasty person on such a fun day, but I hope nobody took it personally.
The next day was the Coulson Christmas, which was thankfully replaced by a surprise birthday party for my grandma (Mommo) who turns 90 on Jan 12th. She was completely surprised after being greeted at the door with lei's, a flashing tiara and wand, and everyone singing happy birthday to her. She was so struck that she just stood in the doorway with tears streaming down her cheeks, with Poppo behind her, who finally said, "Move in, Bette." If you know Poppo, you know just the patient but slightly annoyed voice he used, because it was COLD that day! It was a really wonderful evening. Everyone was there, too: her husband, two daughters, 5 grandkids, 5 great-granddaughters, and her niece and nephew and their familes. We put together a gift of our memories of her, written on scraps of paper for her to read, one each day over the coming year. I think that looks like a pretty nice party to aim for in 60 years.
The thing that was most frustrating, in looking back over Christmas, was that I wasn't able to give Emily a sense that Christmas is a holiday, one day, that we celebrate together as a family. Instead, it's a hectic week of schedule-out-the-window, traveling, and presents day after day after day. I suppose that's a more realistic depiction, but she didn't even get to experience Santa: the anticipation going to bed, the excitement waking up, and the magic of opening gifts from someone mysterious. She asked me today if she could open presents, as though this is what we do daily now. I guess next year I'll try to establish something just for our little Sullivan family, if another snowstorm and other family stuff don't get in the way.
And so it's back to the grind of things today. Emily has yet to initiate a run to the potty out of real need, and at this point I'm letting her have accidents so she can see the difference between the positive experiences (went when Mom told her) and the negative one (pooped her pants AGAIN.) I just cannot believe that it's normal for a 2-year-old to poop 3 times daily, but I'm sure tired of washing out undies in the toilet. It's practically every day, and she goes in the potty plenty of times!! You'd think she'd figure it out. I just don't know what else to say to her or how else to incentivize it. So if she's too young and not ready for full-on potty trained status, then she's too young to give up her nap completely!!! but that's what she's doing. Just as I need a few minutes in the afternoon to teach Audrey how to take naps by herself (I haven't bothered to this point, with all the car travel, strange places, and schedule upset). Emily ends up either too cranky to function by the end of the day, or wide awake (with a nap) and unable to get to bed before 10:00. I guess this is all normal, but it sure seems like I should be able to do something about it, and I just can't.
Audrey is smiling lots these days, and she's getting so she needs more attention - as in, entertainment. She gets lost in the mix a lot, and I feel terrible that I have to give her her pacifier while I take care of poopy pants AGAIN, or tear Emily off the stairs AGAIN, or take care of the latest owie Emily achieved because she's too tired to function. So, I guess, so much for not having another thumb sucker. I feel guilty about Emily's nervous habits, and the consolations I've been offered are not consoling: "It's not your fault, she does it naturally," yes, because that's one of the few ways she's just like me when I was a kid- nervous and needing something in her mouth. I bit my nails terribly short from the time I was 4 or 5 until probably college, and I still pick at them a lot. I can't help her to quit either the thumb or her earlobe pawing - she'll either transfer the habit or have to spend 20 years outgrowing it. It's a really awful feeling.
This post has taken me all day to do, and I have done nothing else besides this and paying attention to my kids - dishes are all on the counter, lunch was reheated. But diapers are changed, poop is cleaned off bottoms, and they're both fed and resting now. It's a keep-em-alive kind of day, I guess. I'm hungry, again, so I'd better go eat something before someone else needs me again.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Stupid Christmas
Christmas has been taking up my maternity leave, and I'm not very happy about it! I'm supposed to be able to spend some of this time at home with my baby, relaxing, recovering, getting used to having two kids, and instead I'm trying frantically to do random Christmas preparations in any spare moment. Gah!!
Things are going much better, all in all, though. I'm still really busy, but on the days where Audrey is up 2 or fewer times, I do all right. The nights where she's up every 2 1/2 hours, I don't do so well on the following days. And it takes me a while to recover, too. Wednesday night was particularly bad, and by Sunday I could barely function. I thought I might sleep in a little that day, since Travis had stayed out until 3 AM the night before and slept until 9:30 Saturday, but no, Emily was pestering me at 6:45, like usual. Travis did take her downstairs at 7:15, finally, but Audrey was awake at 7:45 so that's hardly that much of a luxury. That's how most days are going: if one kid sleeps in, the other doesn't, whether Travis is around to help or not. It's sad that I'm yearning for the day when I can sleep two four-hour stretches in the same night!!
Audrey definitely knows me, now, and she makes the most fantastic faces. I came downstairs last night from putting Emily in bed (again), and Audrey looked up at me with the most surprised happy-to-see-me expression! It was beautiful. She really can smile now, although it's generally just a couple of times, first thing in the morning. One of these days, I'll get it on camera. There's just something about the way she wiggles and makes faces and coos that just makes me wild about her!
Emily is about 75% potty trained, I'd say. I have to suggest it most of the time, but she's got everything else down. She still likes her privacy, shouting "GO 'WAY" to me as she runs to the potty. The hand gesture that goes along with it is pretty funny, tho hard to describe. She went all day Sunday and all day today without any accidents at all! It's sad to me that she can poop on the potty 3 or 4 times in a day and still manage to poop her pants, too. It's a lot to ask of a little person, to keep going that many times! Her descriptions of her output are getting funnier, too. The latest was "ice cream in cone," and I have to say it was pretty accurate. It's like, instead of potty training, she's making poop art. And she's so matter of fact when she says it, too! Hilarious.
Things are going much better, all in all, though. I'm still really busy, but on the days where Audrey is up 2 or fewer times, I do all right. The nights where she's up every 2 1/2 hours, I don't do so well on the following days. And it takes me a while to recover, too. Wednesday night was particularly bad, and by Sunday I could barely function. I thought I might sleep in a little that day, since Travis had stayed out until 3 AM the night before and slept until 9:30 Saturday, but no, Emily was pestering me at 6:45, like usual. Travis did take her downstairs at 7:15, finally, but Audrey was awake at 7:45 so that's hardly that much of a luxury. That's how most days are going: if one kid sleeps in, the other doesn't, whether Travis is around to help or not. It's sad that I'm yearning for the day when I can sleep two four-hour stretches in the same night!!
Audrey definitely knows me, now, and she makes the most fantastic faces. I came downstairs last night from putting Emily in bed (again), and Audrey looked up at me with the most surprised happy-to-see-me expression! It was beautiful. She really can smile now, although it's generally just a couple of times, first thing in the morning. One of these days, I'll get it on camera. There's just something about the way she wiggles and makes faces and coos that just makes me wild about her!
Emily is about 75% potty trained, I'd say. I have to suggest it most of the time, but she's got everything else down. She still likes her privacy, shouting "GO 'WAY" to me as she runs to the potty. The hand gesture that goes along with it is pretty funny, tho hard to describe. She went all day Sunday and all day today without any accidents at all! It's sad to me that she can poop on the potty 3 or 4 times in a day and still manage to poop her pants, too. It's a lot to ask of a little person, to keep going that many times! Her descriptions of her output are getting funnier, too. The latest was "ice cream in cone," and I have to say it was pretty accurate. It's like, instead of potty training, she's making poop art. And she's so matter of fact when she says it, too! Hilarious.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The Terrible Two's
It's been quiet on this blog lately because my life is absolutely insane. I can't even describe the individual things that make it so hectic, except to say that Christmas isn't helping. I have gifts for Emily this year, but not Audrey or Travis yet, and I don't even have ideas for almost everybody else. I don't think I'm in panic mode yet, except whenever I get a chance to get out (or online) and shop, it appears that stores are out of things or have marked up prices because I'm so "last minute." With over two weeks left! Jeez!
There have been some real joys lately, just little things that I have to consciously tell myself are the reason I'm doing all this work. Audrey smiled at me last night, just barely. it wasn't an all-out grin, of course, but I started talking to her and she looked up at me and gave me the most beautiful expression with her bright blue eyes. I tried to picture that face last night when I was up with her for the 3rd time. I think my favorite nights are the ones where you think you're getting up in the middle of the night, but things go wrong somewhere and it ends up being your wake-up call for the day. Uuugh. Audrey will sleep up to 5 hours at a time, usually around 3 1/2, which is definitely helping me function - key word there being "helping." I am still having a hard time emotionally with my daily job, even on days where I feel rested. I feel like I'm being tested constantly. Emily finally fell asleep after 10:15 the other night because she kept hopping up out of bed. One time she ran into a wall because she was giggling and running around in the dark, so my efforts to be as consistent and non-interactive in hopes that she'll stay in bed were totally derailed. As a result of this newfound desire to run around at bedtime, she's been incredibly tired, which makes it impossible to reason with her (the fact that she's 2 also doesn't help), and we're left with straight discipline instead of teaching lessons. She's fighting off a cold, and still adapting to me being unavailable from time to time with Audrey. And some days she wants to potty train, while other days she insists on wearing a diaper. So yeah, stressful times with Emily.
But she's also wonderful and hilarious! She's getting real sentences now, such as "I need to stop doin' that!" and "I cry all the time." One day when I picked her up at Amanda's, she came running to me, saying "Mom! I found you!!" She's SO good at puzzles, and can do a couple of farm animal puzzles that are meant for 3-year-olds without my help at all anymore. She's decided that her favorite song is "My Favorite Things," and she knows a lot of the words to songs now so she can suggest ones for me to sing to her. She's always so sweet with Audrey, giving her kisses, bringing her her pacifier, and really being gentle around her. The other night, she flung a toy in Audrey's direction, totally by accident, and she was really upset that Audrey was so startled, even though it really wasn't Emily's fault. I have to keep telling myself that Emily's tough times are not failings on my part, and that she is still a wonderful little girl even when pushing the boundaries in every aspect of life. It's hard, though, because if I get to take credit for what a nice little girl she is (as people tell me to do), I feel responsible for her tough times, too.
We're having a snow day here today. Travis is home because there's no way he could get across town to work, with the 15" of snow we've had. It's nice to have a day with Travis home and NO FOOTBALL! Audrey and Emily are both napping this afternoon, unlike yesterday when neither of them slept except Audrey when I was holding her. And no matter what I do while they nap, I always kick myself as they're waking up for not doing something else "more productive." So I figured I'd give up on productivity and blog instead. It's nice to have something I can give up on, because even though I've been told many times that "the first kid is an experiment anyway," my girls are too special to take that attitude towards. And so I keep plugging away...
There have been some real joys lately, just little things that I have to consciously tell myself are the reason I'm doing all this work. Audrey smiled at me last night, just barely. it wasn't an all-out grin, of course, but I started talking to her and she looked up at me and gave me the most beautiful expression with her bright blue eyes. I tried to picture that face last night when I was up with her for the 3rd time. I think my favorite nights are the ones where you think you're getting up in the middle of the night, but things go wrong somewhere and it ends up being your wake-up call for the day. Uuugh. Audrey will sleep up to 5 hours at a time, usually around 3 1/2, which is definitely helping me function - key word there being "helping." I am still having a hard time emotionally with my daily job, even on days where I feel rested. I feel like I'm being tested constantly. Emily finally fell asleep after 10:15 the other night because she kept hopping up out of bed. One time she ran into a wall because she was giggling and running around in the dark, so my efforts to be as consistent and non-interactive in hopes that she'll stay in bed were totally derailed. As a result of this newfound desire to run around at bedtime, she's been incredibly tired, which makes it impossible to reason with her (the fact that she's 2 also doesn't help), and we're left with straight discipline instead of teaching lessons. She's fighting off a cold, and still adapting to me being unavailable from time to time with Audrey. And some days she wants to potty train, while other days she insists on wearing a diaper. So yeah, stressful times with Emily.
But she's also wonderful and hilarious! She's getting real sentences now, such as "I need to stop doin' that!" and "I cry all the time." One day when I picked her up at Amanda's, she came running to me, saying "Mom! I found you!!" She's SO good at puzzles, and can do a couple of farm animal puzzles that are meant for 3-year-olds without my help at all anymore. She's decided that her favorite song is "My Favorite Things," and she knows a lot of the words to songs now so she can suggest ones for me to sing to her. She's always so sweet with Audrey, giving her kisses, bringing her her pacifier, and really being gentle around her. The other night, she flung a toy in Audrey's direction, totally by accident, and she was really upset that Audrey was so startled, even though it really wasn't Emily's fault. I have to keep telling myself that Emily's tough times are not failings on my part, and that she is still a wonderful little girl even when pushing the boundaries in every aspect of life. It's hard, though, because if I get to take credit for what a nice little girl she is (as people tell me to do), I feel responsible for her tough times, too.
We're having a snow day here today. Travis is home because there's no way he could get across town to work, with the 15" of snow we've had. It's nice to have a day with Travis home and NO FOOTBALL! Audrey and Emily are both napping this afternoon, unlike yesterday when neither of them slept except Audrey when I was holding her. And no matter what I do while they nap, I always kick myself as they're waking up for not doing something else "more productive." So I figured I'd give up on productivity and blog instead. It's nice to have something I can give up on, because even though I've been told many times that "the first kid is an experiment anyway," my girls are too special to take that attitude towards. And so I keep plugging away...
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